One Night Stands

[Stella]

Originally Posted by Abufijli

it is cool for a man to stack up as many sexual partners as possible, I think the reason for this is our role as the hunter has not changed very much, we are the sex that has to go out and chase and hunt, so if you are able to have sex with many women it means you are a good hunter thus looked up to by other men. Stupid I know lol.... But I think that has some truth in it.

lol lol you mean men are still living in caves indeed?:D And come down now and then to the cities for a hunt?:D

And what about women, maybe women shall answer this how they see it, you agree that they would enjoy it the same as men? Dont know just how I see women basically /the majority/ may look for more than just a one night stand.

I think we both enjoy it as much as each other, sex is a basic instinct and we feel the need to do it, so a one night stand is a good way of doing it without having the excess baggage of a relationship. I think it can be destructive if it is not what you are looking for, meaning if you are looking for a long term partner yet keep falling in that one night stand trap it may affect you becuase you would obviously be looking for more yet you can not get it because the other party does not want to reciprocate. But if it is a "quickie" lol that you want then you will enjoy regardless if you are a male or female.

Cheers

Excess baggage of a relationship? lol You think the joys of a one night stand can be compared to the joys of a relationship?
And theres a difference between trying out a one nightie or going for it all the time, from whatever reasons. Honestly I dont get why somebody would do that constantly, what do you think?

[Abufijli]

Originally Posted by Stella

lol lol you mean men are still living in caves indeed?:D And come down now and then to the cities for a hunt?:D

Yeah lol something along those lines

Some of us just enjoy hunting for the sake of it....

Excess baggage of a relationship? lol You think the joys of a one night stand can be compared to the joys of a relationship?
And theres a difference between trying out a one nightie or going for it all the time, from whatever reasons. Honestly I dont get why somebody would do that constantly, what do you think?

No, I think a relationship is much more fullfiling, yet you will find people who do not like relationships or may not be ready to have one just yet, maybe just finished a long relationship and are looking for something less serious....

Agreed, a one night stand should be a every now and then thing not constant, but you have many men who live that lifestyle and that lifestyle only...

I don't know, everyone to their own I guess...

[Mey]

Originally Posted by Stella

Sure, however if you consider why someone enters into a one night stand, isnt that some kind of self destruction, and those I mentioned in addition? Running away from whatever?

Stella there maybe various reasons why someone would go for a one night stand. But if you could elaborate on how it is a sort of self-destruction.

I mean I think people would go for a one night stand to fulfill a sexual desire, and that I do not see as a way of self destruction or running away from whatever.

Originally Posted by Stella

There are people too I guess who dont run from anything, are not depressed, dont feel lonely, nor empty, they dont need long term partners, as they seek only short pleasures which they want to fullfil quickly. Surely they are though the minority, and is it supposed to be normal actually? If yes, will people go for it ever more in the future, as the fragmentation of the society continues?

Yes this would be IMO the most common reason. I do not know if these are minority Stella, I have a feeling that you are formulating your posts to make them look as such. I mean we do not have statistics on those issues, and I feel the way you posed your question "Is it normal?", means you do not agree wih it, I see it as perfectly normal, however societies which are controlled by Religion mainly tend to picture it as not normal.

[Stella]

Originally Posted by Mahyar

Stella there maybe various reasons why someone would go for a one night stand. But if you could elaborate on how it is a sort of self-destruction.

I mean I think people would go for a one night stand to fulfill a sexual desire, and that I do not see as a way of self destruction or running away from whatever.

Self destruction in a sense when someone is suffering from it actually. Because temporarily it can be a remedy for loneliness, but after a time one feels just more miserable.
Dont know, those shall tell who experienced this, they may confirm.

Yes this would be IMO the most common reason. I do not know if these are minority Stella, I have a feeling that you are formulating your posts to make them look as such. I mean we do not have statistics on those issues, and I feel the way you posed your question "Is it normal?", means you do not agree wih it, I see it as perfectly normal, however societies which are controlled by Religion mainly tend to picture it as not normal.

So you think its perfectly normal to seek only one night stands deliberately /and not because there is no other option/ constantly?
For me that sounds a brand new world where the youngs and olds alike are interested only in fullfilling some quick desires. This threatens with the disappearing of any tenderness and deep feelings of a relationship, dont you think that way people would grow just colder in their feelings, and become just more selfish?
Yes we dont have statistics, I have just a feeling that they may be the minority for now, but what worries me, that what if they are in growing number?
Lets not mix here religion, you shall know I am not defending here any religious dogmas. I am talking about human relations, about the wondeful feeling of being with someone, and not just for one night, but discovering the other etc...

But tell me, would you like to see them becoming a majority ie people looking for short relations/one night stands, being interested in selfish desire fullfilling only? Where would that lead to? How would it shape the society, and the basic patterns of human relations?

[Stella]

Originally Posted by Abufijli

Agreed, a one night stand should be a every now and then thing not constant, but you have many men who live that lifestyle and that lifestyle only...

Just men?
And why are they doing that? Are they happy with that?
After a certain age though its not easy to play the one night standie giggolo or? And then what will follow? Are they capable for deeper feelings too?

[Mey]

Originally Posted by Stella

So you think its perfectly normal to seek only one night stands deliberately /and not because there is no other option/ constantly?

Well Stella, it depends on why is someone seeking a one night stand. You are saying here that maybe because they feel lonely, well I see it differently, I say because simply they feel some sexual attraction / desire for someone and would like to fulfill that desire. When its over in the morning if that attraction is still there, they might try another night stand, if not then they leave each in his/her way. You see the goal was sexual pleasure or at least that is how I see it. Not because of lonliness, not because of anything else.

Originally Posted by Stella

For me that sounds a brand new world where the youngs and olds alike are interested only in fullfilling some quick desires. This threatens with the disappearing of any tenderness and deep feelings of a relationship, dont you think that way people would grow just colder in their feelings, and become just more selfish?


Yes we dont have statistics, I have just a feeling that they may be the minority for now, but what worries me, that what if they are in growing number?
Lets not mix here religion, you shall know I am not defending here any religious dogmas. I am talking about human relations, about the wondeful feeling of being with someone, and not just for one night, but discovering the other etc...

Well not necessarly, as IMO the desire for sex is independant from the desire to love or other desires. Maybe if love existed in that person's life, they would not do such a thing, but that does not mean that because Love is not their they will, and this does not threaten love and committment relationships in anyway, because the main drive for long term relationships is not only sex IMO and thus there is no comparison nor danger from one night stands to the concept of commitment.

Originally Posted by Stella

But tell me, would you like to see them becoming a majority ie people looking for short relations/one night stands, being interested in selfish desire fullfilling only? Where would that lead to? How would it shape the society, and the basic patterns of human relations?

No I would not put it like that, its not about whether I would like it or not, its more like I don't mind if it does, adults are free with what they wish to do and as long as both are willing to take it to a one night stand, I do not mind at all, as long as they both feel good about it, why should I be bothered.

I don't see it would affect the society in a negative way, being a liberal myself, I think it would help people break away from the chains drawn by society on them, and lead them to really do what they want without being chained by rules that do not serve their interests.

[Inanna]

one night stand is something that i wouldnt encourage at all, at least that's my opinion!
maybe i refuse to see things that sexual and that easy, i believe that taking time in things is the only way to make them work, again that's me!
and most of all, i dont want to imagine the feeling next day, and it's not about feeling used or about using someone, but the feeling of knowing that you did it, but it's over...

[Stella]

Originally Posted by Mahyar

Well Stella, it depends on why is someone seeking a one night stand. You are saying here that maybe because they feel lonely, well I see it differently, I say because simply they feel some sexual attraction / desire for someone and would like to fulfill that desire. When its over in the morning if that attraction is still there, they might try another night stand, if not then they leave each in his/her way. You see the goal was sexual pleasure or at least that is how I see it. Not because of lonliness, not because of anything else.



Well not necessarly, as IMO the desire for sex is independant from the desire to love or other desires. Maybe if love existed in that person's life, they would not do such a thing, but that does not mean that because Love is not their they will, and this does not threaten love and committment relationships in anyway, because the main drive for long term relationships is not only sex IMO and thus there is no comparison nor danger from one night stands to the concept of commitment.



No I would not put it like that, its not about whether I would like it or not, its more like I don't mind if it does, adults are free with what they wish to do and as long as both are willing to take it to a one night stand, I do not mind at all, as long as they both feel good about it, why should I be bothered.

I don't see it would affect the society in a negative way, being a liberal myself, I think it would help people break away from the chains drawn by society on them, and lead them to really do what they want without being chained by rules that do not serve their interests.

But what kind of rules? I wasnt talking about rules, but about by behaving ever liberal, becoming cold somehow.

Well ok someone is enjoying independence for example, and wants to have some sexual adventures.
But constantly? How can sex be just enough on the long run? Arent we meant for more than those sexual desires? Thats my problem you see, if that liberal sexual tendency grows, theres is a danger indeed that people grow more cold and selfish. And regardless of any social traditions.

Originally Posted by Inanna

one night stand is something that i wouldnt encourage at all, at least that's my opinion!
maybe i refuse to see things that sexual and that easy, i believe that taking time in things is the only way to make them work, again that's me!
and most of all, i dont want to imagine the feeling next day, and it's not about feeling used or about using someone, but the feeling of knowing that you did it, but it's over...

And I have just a guess, that women suffer from it more, bc they are more emotional than men anyway.

[Faithful]

Personally i am against having sex in general, doesn't matter if it was one night stand or more. I can not immagine myself being touched with a person i am not in love with.
It's really hard and impossible to use my body just to get a few hours of fun (if it was fun) without having any feelings. What would i gain from it ???
The one night Stand begins and ends with no reason, with no goals but will have a lot of consequenses in our life.

[Stella]

Originally Posted by faithful

Personally i am against having sex in general, doesn't matter if it was one night stand or more. I can not immagine myself being touched with a person i am not in love with.

Ok to avoid generalization, women shall confirm, but maybe theres a truth in it that women cant have sex without having feelings toward the partner, and if they do have they suffer from it after.

While to men its not a big deal, why?