The Green-Eyed Monster - Jealousy

[BOILER]

Originally Posted by Salome

So my question where is the limit? You say you have no problem with your gf talking to other guys, also going with other guys to places? Do you accept your girlfriend spending time alone with other guy(s)?

Well for me, this would be already suspicious. I cant imagine going anywhere with a guy alone just out of friendship if I am in a relationship. It just doesnt sound right. Such as I would never accept my man going anywhere having fun with a woman whom he considers only a friend.

Because in my view there can not be an honest ONLY friendship between man and women...either way one would always start thinking of something more than friendship.

I used to believe that there can be friendship between guys and girls, but somehow practice always prooved otherwise... after a while guys started to look different talk different...

Anyway there is this cliche: (anybody wants to proove me wrong?:D)
that men cant take too much jealousy, it drives them crazy, however when they are allowed with total freedom their perception of the limits is way more vague!! what they consider only friendly talking/joking/teasing is actually already FLIRTING...

So there is something wrong with the perception of the limits.

So what?
You have had bad experiences with guys and the friendship you wished for didn't occur.
It proves nothing.
But I'm sure your Bf won't be very sad if you think this way

[Salome]

Originally Posted by fishy

Salome:) thank you for posting this.. its funny how some guys think, when a girlfriend tries to be honest with them and tries to tell them exactly what she wants from the relationship so they can both work on it, then she's a monster.

In my opinion, a little bit of jealousy never hurt anyone... none at all is not careless as in "he doesn't care about me" but careless as in... "i want to be only his" i don't know how to explain it..but i just find that if a boyfriend has no jealousy at all...and he thinks of himself as free, and free to make his own choices then what is the point of being in a relationship from the start?

Once we agree on a relationship with a significant other, we give up a little bit of our freedom, maybe nothing changes for some people... but other things will start to be different. We give up some things to be with that person, and spend time with him or her because you miss them, you want to be with them....

It really upsets me when i notice how some people explain that Love can happen with anyone, the two just have to make it work. It is true that they need to make it work but sometimes, when you fall in love with someone you have no control over your feelings.... as much as you want your heart to catch up with your head, it doesn't. And sometimes your heart just takes over. I really envy those whose head convinces them otherwise.

Boris, i really enjoyed reading your posts... and you raise some very interesting points; however, did you think that maybe your girlfriend might act jealous because of your intended flirting with other girls? Your intentions might not be bad, but other girls may not know that. Even if they try to act on these flirtations, and you eventually stop them... why start to flirt in the beginning? and I'm sure that your girlfriend is not that bad, that she's not as jealous as you describe... that maybe if you took a second look, she's just needing a little more attention, and since you claim feeling no jealousy... it makes her feel worse? so maybe being a little bit jealousy in small doses, at the right time could be a good thing sometimes.

I respect other individuals who disagree with me, and smile at those who agree with me.

thanks fishy, I pretty much agree with how you see the situation:)

It is really about free choice, that is why you never loose your personal freedom in a relationship. It is your choice if you want to be caring and attentive and want to SHARE. I can illustrate it with a harmonious dance, obviously it will make no sense if each would like to move in the other direction, you have to make the steps together and in 1 direction.

Do you think it is women nature to tend to be more jealous? The need for more attention makes us come up with theories sometimes?


BORIS,

I dont wish to go very much into personal levels, as this shall be rather a general discussion. So rather please dont start analyzing me bc then I have to say you dont know me or my partner at all:) Thanks for your concern but I can assure you that all is very fine:)

Now about your idea of flirting: It might not be anything serious as I understood, it is mainly that you like to compliment girls? Well its a question of taste and culture I guess, my taste and culture does not really take it as an innocent remark, but your gf shall be really "cool" to tolerate it.

Originally Posted by BOILER

So what?
You have had bad experiences with guys and the friendship you wished for didn't occur.
It proves nothing.
But I'm sure your Bf won't be very sad if you think this way

hehe I didnt wish for any friendship, it happened that some guys started to seek for friendship but in the end they had more in mind. It is my opinion only, what is your experience? you could share, not that it would proove anything though:p

[los_tannoury]

Originally Posted by orange infection

talk about some stories involving freaky jealous people , (like ourselves)
+ rate your personal degree of jealousy on a scale of 10

1/10 : indifferent , if i see my gf talking to another boy i act like normal (and maybe hit on another girl)

3/10 : to much on my mind , if i see her talking to another boy i ask her a question or two about him sometimes

5/10 : regular person , i let my gf talk to other boys but later i will ask her everything about him and if he's good looking la edba7a

7/10 : abnormal , i let her talk to other boys , but then i hit her at home

10/10 : complete freak , if i see my gf talking to a boy i shoot them both

where do u fit

indifferent ,cause after experience you ll loose your self and your personality once controlled by jealousy

[lionness]

I guess iam 5. It depends about the woman, i turn an eye on shwai Flirting, it wont hurt and its good for his ego,
but if i felt that he is talking to what could be a possible threat.... la walla wel sama zar2a...
i scare her away if i had to.

[Salome]

Originally Posted by lionness

I guess iam 5. It depends about the woman, i turn an eye on shwai Flirting, it wont hurt and its good for his ego,

probably you are a lion sign thats why you can have such a great understanding toward this ego issue?:D not all signs tolerate it so good

but if i felt that he is talking to what could be a possible threat.... la walla wel sama zar2a...
i scare her away if i had to.

I think he shall do the "scaring away" if he cares for you..

[Nayla]

Originally Posted by Salome

Am interested to see how girls and boys deal differently (?) with this issue.

Well Salome, I don't think that there's a steretyoped reaction here; evreyone has his own reaction which reflect his way of thinking.

Are you the jealous type? How do you react when you have doubts about your gf/bf's?

Usually, I don't have doubts about any action and I trust persons I love; I need to see something real and to be sure about any treason before doing anything.

If the one I love acted in a certain way to make me jealous, I only see that he's trying to hurt me and that my feelings don't count ; so, I delete him from my heart and send him to the recycle bin cz I see then that he doesn't deserve to be loved,point final.

So, jealousy doesn't exist in my dictionary cz for me, jealousy means weakness and possession, not love.

[Salome]

Originally Posted by Nayla

Well Salome, I don't think that there's a steretyoped reaction here; evreyone has his own reaction which reflect his way of thinking.

yes, so i hope to see more answers from both girls and boys to see if they really handle situations differently? or gender doesnt really plays a role here

Usually, I don't have doubts about any action and I trust persons I love; I need to see something real and to be sure about any treason before doing anything.

If the one I love acted in a certain way to make me jealous, I only see that he's trying to hurt me and that my feelings don't count ; so, I delete him from my heart and send him to the recycle bin cz I see then that he doesn't deserve to be loved,point final.

So, jealousy doesn't exist in my dictionary cz for me, jealousy means weakness and possession, not love.

And what is that act you refer to? It can be something serious and obvious or something nothing serious a la Boris:D of course if he obviously cheated on you, there is no issue to talk about that he goes to the bin right away

most of the times though the limit is not so clear, what one might take as a compliment or teasing the other might take it as flirting etc..

[Nayla]

Originally Posted by Salome

most of the times though the limit is not so clear, what one might take as a compliment or teasing the other might take it as flirting etc..

hehe
Salome,we are women and we can see the difference between teasing and flirting

The point is that jealousy,IMO,is an act of weakness and it shows our possessivity more than our love.

[Salome]

Originally Posted by Nayla

hehe
Salome,we are women and we can see the difference between teasing and flirting

yeah but men can not, they have a more vague idea about it:D and thats the problem

The point is that jealousy,IMO,is an act of weakness and it shows our possessivity more than our love.

if its too much I would agree, otherwise what is the alternative, do you dump the guy for the first slight of jealousy?

[Nayla]

Originally Posted by Salome

if its too much I would agree, otherwise what is the alternative, do you dump the guy for the first slight of jealousy?

hehe
Salome,the problem is that I don't feel jealous lol
If my man didn't have any respect to my feelings, I'll feel hurted and disgusted, and I'll lose my feelings towards him.. Ma khass l jealousy here; I don't dump him cz i felt jealous, i leave him cz I lost my feelings for him, c'est tout :D

We are talking here about a real treason,don't forget it, and not about doubts or some innocent flirting ;)