The Green-Eyed Monster - Jealousy

[Boris]

but what does love have to do with not being jealous? its so irrelevant that if I'm not jealous for her means that i don't love her

well i trust her blindly maybe that's my problem, i believe that if she wanted to do something against our relationship, it would be her choice and i cannot hold her back from the choices she makes, aren't we not living in a free world?

yes i agree with you, we have a problem of possession well i mean she does, however the miraculous thing is we are in love by accepting each others' good and bad things

i always demand equality, 24 hours latter i'm in the same problem again! its not about controlling each other, she does not control me and i do not control her and do no want or intend to. Its just jealousy, that thing that i don't understand why most girls and boys have it, why are they jealous?

of course there should be total freedom and trust between both sides or else it wouldn't be a proper relationship! and no, being totally free doesn't have to do with being single, chou we are half slaves to our relationship? and also i don't think that by having a partner we should leave the whole world and just lock ourselves, in my point of view that's the stupidest thing to do (Romeo and Juliet?! they weren't even for real!!) and by taking my partner in consideration, i take care of her, help her, have fun together, make her happy...without expecting anything back. That my definition of love and commitment

and by talking to a girl/guy or taking his/her number or spending time with other people girls/guys, its not disrespect nor lack of love as many people see it

and with all that if we don't accept the other with the good and bad things in him and leave jealousy we wouldn't be able to be in a real and perfect relationship

[Salome]

come on perfect relationship? anyway what can you call perfect in this world? maybe in poetry...rather its all relative

I guess most of the people are rather jealous type at some degree, the way you think that should be rather rare. Lets see what other girls say, but for me a little jealousy is acceptable... if the guy wouldnt show any sign of jealousy I would take it as indifference, or somehow surely suspicious. It can be the women nature maybe basically jealous and more suspicious...

So you think there is no difference between being single and being in a relationship? You dont need to think in extremes, but you are not as free as you were single, as obviously you are not doing many things what you have the chance to do as single, right? Starting with flirting with other girls...

So my question where is the limit? You say you have no problem with your gf talking to other guys, also going with other guys to places? Do you accept your girlfriend spending time alone with other guy(s)?

Well for me, this would be already suspicious. I cant imagine going anywhere with a guy alone just out of friendship if I am in a relationship. It just doesnt sound right. Such as I would never accept my man going anywhere having fun with a woman whom he considers only a friend.

Because in my view there can not be an honest ONLY friendship between man and women...either way one would always start thinking of something more than friendship.

So when you say you give total freedom to your gf and she also lives with it, that you accept it and you trust and love her unconditionally, well at least it is very rare:) for me also very strange. Maybe there is no single definition of love?

It never crossed your mind that all those guys she meets might want something from her, even if she doesnt?

I used to believe that there can be friendship between guys and girls, but somehow practice always prooved otherwise... after a while guys started to look different talk different...

Anyway there is this cliche: (anybody wants to proove me wrong?:D)
that men cant take too much jealousy, it drives them crazy, however when they are allowed with total freedom their perception of the limits is way more vague!! what they consider only friendly talking/joking/teasing is actually already FLIRTING...

So there is something wrong with the perception of the limits.

[Boris]

Originally Posted by Salome

come on perfect relationship? anyway what can you call perfect in this world? maybe in poetry...rather its all relative

I guess most of the people are rather jealous type at some degree, the way you think that should be rather rare. Lets see what other girls say, but for me a little jealousy is acceptable... if the guy wouldnt show any sign of jealousy I would take it as indifference, or somehow surely suspicious. It can be the women nature maybe basically jealous and more suspicious...

So you think there is no difference between being single and being in a relationship? You dont need to think in extremes, but you are not as free as you were single, as obviously you are not doing many things what you have the chance to do as single, right? Starting with flirting with other girls...

So my question where is the limit? You say you have no problem with your gf talking to other guys, also going with other guys to places? Do you accept your girlfriend spending time alone with other guy(s)?

Well for me, this would be already suspicious. I cant imagine going anywhere with a guy alone just out of friendship if I am in a relationship. It just doesnt sound right. Such as I would never accept my man going anywhere having fun with a woman whom he considers only a friend.

Because in my view there can not be an honest ONLY friendship between man and women...either way one would always start thinking of something more than friendship.

So when you say you give total freedom to your gf and she also lives with it, that you accept it and you trust and love her unconditionally, well at least it is very rare:) for me also very strange. Maybe there is no single definition of love?

It never crossed your mind that all those guys she meets might want something from her, even if she doesnt?

I used to believe that there can be friendship between guys and girls, but somehow practice always prooved otherwise... after a while guys started to look different talk different...

Anyway there is this cliche: (anybody wants to proove me wrong?:D)
that men cant take too much jealousy, it drives them crazy, however when they are allowed with total freedom their perception of the limits is way more vague!! what they consider only friendly talking/joking/teasing is actually already FLIRTING...

So there is something wrong with the perception of the limits.

there is nothing perfect i totally agree with you,
that's what i mentioned also when i gave the example of Romeo and Juliette

Originally Posted by Boris

(Romeo and Juliet?! they weren't even for real!!)

what i meant by perfect is that there is always trust, caring, and happiness in the relationship and of course love, that what makes it "perfect" in my opinion!

tab can you tell me what do you get out of jealousy ? what is the benefit in a relationship to be "a little jealous" ? for me the existence of jealousy in a relationship from either part is bad and doesn't do any good in any way. There are guys who can be even more jealous than their gf's jealousy. The lack of jealousy doesn't have to lead to suspicion, lets say a guy is jealous about his gf than doesn't stop his from screwing up on her, and the opposite!

and sorry i did not say there are no differences between being single and being in a relationship, what i said is the freedom that you had when you are single you still have it when you are in a relationship, and i am as free as i was before, and its my choice and reason that doesn't make me think of screwing on my gf, and not the fact that i am not free anymore as i was before!
and what's with you and flirting? please define for me flirting in your opinion, because in my opinion flirting with a girl while being in a relationship with another have different motives, if i am not engaged i would flirt with the girl with my intention to get in her pants, but if i am engaged that intention is no more on my mind i flirt with girls and give them compliments and make them feel good about themselves and i wouldn't have any intention of getting in their pants and i don't! and i would clarify to the girl i'm flirting with that
im not doing that to disrespect my gf nor to ***** up on her, and i don't see any wrong in that, flirting or not it's the intention that counts

to answer you question there are no limits, i do not live in a cage nor a limited space when im in a relationship, i'm totally free as she is, and of course she can spend time with a guy or 10, where is trust if i don't let her? and i can spend time alone with 10 girls and i wouldn't even do nothing disrespectful to her and if she's suspicious about that it means she doesn't trust me!

why can't you ? what doesn't sound right to you, does not mean its wrong to do, spending a whole day with a guy a friend of yours talking laughing having fun is wrong ? im sorry but no its not wrong, it's your thought that makes it wrong. If your guy is out with a girl and has an affair with her that's another story, but its not wrong to spend time with a person regardless of his/her sex

i agree with you by saying "either way one would always start thinking of something more than friendship"
but if your guy loves you and respects you why would he think about that? if he ever think of anything like that i suggest you dump him and to hell with him, but shouldn't you guys be trusting each other at first? if you don't trust you boyfriend you are totally right by thinking about that, but if you do trust him and know him so well, why would you be afraid that he would do such a thing to you!

thank you for your compliment :) it is strange and many friends have said so to me, because it is not common to build a relationship like that, and i admit 've been lucky to have been able to accomplish that, regardless of the problem of jealousy. and about love i think each person perceives it in his own way :)

honestly i have never thought about it, but if they do want anything from her, i trust her that she won't give them anything that would hurt our relationship. And if she ever does that, it's her choice and i would just be disappointed by it :) and move on in life

lucky for me i still believe in friendship with girls as with guys while in a relationship, and i hate the fact that some people stop searching for friendship from the opposite sex when they are engaged in a relationship, but rather they search for ways to get their partner jealous and try to ***** every boy/girls they meet

and about the cliche i'm sorry i cannot prove you wrong, it's you who has to prove it right! :D but i agree that some guys don't change their intentions while talking/joking/teasing and that my friend i call it "flirting with bad intentions"

you are one of a kind Salome and very smart! ()

[Salome]

Originally Posted by Boris

there is nothing perfect i totally agree with you,
that's what i mentioned also when i gave the example of Romeo and Juliette

what i meant by perfect is that there is always trust, caring, and happiness in the relationship and of course love, that what makes it "perfect" in my opinion!

tab can you tell me what do you get out of jealousy ? what is the benefit in a relationship to be "a little jealous" ? for me the existence of jealousy in a relationship from either part is bad and doesn't do any good in any way. There are guys who can be even more jealous than their gf's jealousy. The lack of jealousy doesn't have to lead to suspicion, lets say a guy is jealous about his gf than doesn't stop his from screwing up on her, and the opposite!

ok now as you describe what you mean by perfect, I would call that rather harmonious...as I truly believe there is no perfection in this world, we are no Gods right, or maybe even God is imperfect:D...

anyway, sure jealousy is a highly negative feeling and energy basically you can not get anything constructive out of it BUT again we are just imperfect, this is not an excuse it is just some things in human nature are hard to overcome...so the common is for humans to be somewhat jealous, if you are not then you are not really the mainstream:D weirdo :D

I didnt not mean that a lil jealousy is guarantee for faithfullness, it is surely not, all I said is that a basic level from jealousy is acceptable - not needed - just acceptable

and sorry i did not say there are no differences between being single and being in a relationship, what i said is the freedom that you had when you are single you still have it when you are in a relationship, and i am as free as i was before, and its my choice and reason that doesn't make me think of screwing on my gf, and not the fact that i am not free anymore as i was before!

Sure it is about choice, but I said before, your freedom has somehow limits as you take your partner into consideration. For ex. when you are single and alone you go wherever you want, do whatever you want, meet whomever etc...while the moment you have a partner you start negotiating, making compromises...I mean cmon a relationship does not work like that that I go this way and you go that way, we might meet sometime later somewhere...:D
So you need to plan together, and you might not have always the same preferences - thus you have to compromise

Between I dont take it as a negative thing (anymore:p), as you can learn how to be the best negotiator, organizer, planner:D

and what's with you and flirting? please define for me flirting in your opinion, because in my opinion flirting with a girl while being in a relationship with another have different motives, if i am not engaged i would flirt with the girl with my intention to get in her pants, but if i am engaged that intention is no more on my mind i flirt with girls and give them compliments and make them feel good about themselves and i wouldn't have any intention of getting in their pants and i don't! and i would clarify to the girl i'm flirting with that
im not doing that to disrespect my gf nor to ***** up on her, and i don't see any wrong in that, flirting or not it's the intention that counts

oh no wait its rather

you see what am I talking about?? men have a bad habit of having a vague idea about the LIMITS...NO flirting is NO WAY allowed with other girls while you are in a relationship, it is very disrespective toward your partner... and clearly shows the lack of real love, you know LOVE


whats this thing about being engaged or not? If you are not engaged to the girl then you dont take her seriously, then it is allowed for you to think about getting to other girls' panties?? LOL
emmm does your gf know about this idea of yours, or you have not shared this with her yet?

But lets turn around it, hehe because another typical thing, for men it is allowed, but not for women...so would you be with a girl who doesnt take you seriously unless she is engaged to you, and she can flirt with or sleep with anybody else she prefers??

to answer you question there are no limits, i do not live in a cage nor a limited space when im in a relationship, i'm totally free as she is, and of course she can spend time with a guy or 10, where is trust if i don't let her? and i can spend time alone with 10 girls and i wouldn't even do nothing disrespectful to her and if she's suspicious about that it means she doesn't trust me!

It is not like this. Clearly we have a different idea about RESPECT. In my eyes if my bf spends time alone with 1 or 10 other women (other than business LOL) it is not respectful for me.

why can't you ? what doesn't sound right to you, does not mean its wrong to do, spending a whole day with a guy a friend of yours talking laughing having fun is wrong ? im sorry but no its not wrong, it's your thought that makes it wrong. If your guy is out with a girl and has an affair with her that's another story, but its not wrong to spend time with a person regardless of his/her sex

I wonder how much experience you have with this...you have never noticed that it is not honest?? In the beginning it might be innocent, but then comes men's nature, hormons etc...and voila they start wanting more than friendship....unless you are from Mars you know what I mean

i agree with you by saying "either way one would always start thinking of something more than friendship"
but if your guy loves you and respects you why would he think about that? if he ever think of anything like that i suggest you dump him and to hell with him, but shouldn't you guys be trusting each other at first? if you don't trust you boyfriend you are totally right by thinking about that, but if you do trust him and know him so well, why would you be afraid that he would do such a thing to you!

I think you misunderstood, THEY meaning as the so called friend, the one you meet or your partner meets, and that man/woman starts wanting more from you or from your partner...which becomes uncomfortable, thus no friendship is possible

Dont worry about trust thing, that is all in alright:)

thank you for your compliment :) it is strange and many friends have said so to me, because it is not common to build a relationship like that, and i admit 've been lucky to have been able to accomplish that, regardless of the problem of jealousy. and about love i think each person perceives it in his own way :)

Good luck in your strange ways, you shall be an extraordinary couple

honestly i have never thought about it, but if they do want anything from her, i trust her that she won't give them anything that would hurt our relationship. And if she ever does that, it's her choice and i would just be disappointed by it :) and move on in life

ah you see, they might want something from her, which shall become uncomfortable for her, if not then yeah it is the case that she might dump you

...and move on? is that so easy as it sounds? no suffering for having lost your love? do you believe in the ONE love, or you think there are just several loves in life?

lucky for me i still believe in friendship with girls as with guys while in a relationship, and i hate the fact that some people stop searching for friendship from the opposite sex when they are engaged in a relationship, but rather they search for ways to get their partner jealous and try to ***** every boy/girls they meet

huh?? this is not a harmonious relationship you describe, not based on love and respect

and about the cliche i'm sorry i cannot prove you wrong, it's you who has to prove it right! :D but i agree that some guys don't change their intentions while talking/joking/teasing and that my friend i call it "flirting with bad intentions"

I dont have statistics, its only what I see, that men allow themselves bigger freedom as they can tolerate from the women's side

those sexist men:P

anyway do girls trust you easily?

you are one of a kind Salome and very smart! ()

and you are a weirdo:D

[Boris]

Originally Posted by Salome

ok now as you describe what you mean by perfect, I would call that rather harmonious...as I truly believe there is no perfection in this world, we are no Gods right, or maybe even God is imperfect:D...

anyway, sure jealousy is a highly negative feeling and energy basically you can not get anything constructive out of it BUT again we are just imperfect, this is not an excuse it is just some things in human nature are hard to overcome...so the common is for humans to be somewhat jealous, if you are not then you are not really the mainstream:D weirdo :D

I didnt not mean that a lil jealousy is guarantee for faithfullness, it is surely not, all I said is that a basic level from jealousy is acceptable - not needed - just acceptable

God can't be imperfect; we wouldn't be able to aim for the perfectness of ourselves

You’re right but shouldn’t we try to change the bad things in our nature, and be convinced of the change we make ? if somebody’s jealous of his/her gf/bf I believe they should work on it and trust each other more and more till they overcome jealousy and not the other way around

You are like saying that fear is in human nature, and every human should be afraid because he is human, and the one who doesn’t know fear is not really on the mainstream and a weirdo :D you can also replace fear in my sentence with sadness, happiness, selfish…etc

And I totally agree with you in that! A little bit of anything that is “wrong” and that “has no true benefit” is acceptable!

Originally Posted by Salome

Sure it is about choice, but I said before, your freedom has somehow limits as you take your partner into consideration. For ex. when you are single and alone you go wherever you want, do whatever you want, meet whomever etc...while the moment you have a partner you start negotiating, making compromises...I mean cmon a relationship does not work like that that I go this way and you go that way, we might meet sometime later somewhere...:D
So you need to plan together, and you might not have always the same preferences - thus you have to compromise

Between I dont take it as a negative thing (anymore:p), as you can learn how to be the best negotiator, organizer, planner:D

My freedom is still the same when I take into consideration my partner it’s the choice intention of things that change! Freedom is an absolute value, or you are free or you are not! And when you are in a couple you can go wherever you want, do whatever you want, meet whomever you want…yes you are free! Exactly when you have a partner you negotiate, make promises, build trust, care lot more about the person…etc, why wouldn’t it work like that !? i didn’t say ill go east you go west and we’ll meet at the other corner of the earth, in a relationship you can’t tie yourselves up with a rope or duck tape and walk!
Yes we do need to plan together, and compromise, but as I said before you cannot leave the world nor your freedom and be a slave to the relationship you are in, it hurts both partners so badly and leads them to be unfaithful to each other in the future! i strongly am against that

Originally Posted by Salome

oh no wait its rather

you see what am I talking about?? men have a bad habit of having a vague idea about the LIMITS...NO flirting is NO WAY allowed with other girls while you are in a relationship, it is very disrespective toward your partner... and clearly shows the lack of real love, you know LOVE


whats this thing about being engaged or not? If you are not engaged to the girl then you dont take her seriously, then it is allowed for you to think about getting to other girls' panties?? LOL
emmm does your gf know about this idea of yours, or you have not shared this with her yet?

But lets turn around it, hehe because another typical thing, for men it is allowed, but not for women...so would you be with a girl who doesnt take you seriously unless she is engaged to you, and she can flirt with or sleep with anybody else she prefers??

:D loool

Yes i see what are you talking about, some men do, but there are others who don’t, you are seeing flirting as an absolute thing, sorry but I have the right to “flirt” with good intentions with a girl, im not doing that to take advantage of her nor to seduce her, it’s just an aspect of social communication,
if I meet you somewhere and I say “waaw you look so beautiful today I love your hairstyle! It makes you so hot!” how am I disrespecting my girlfriend in that?! By telling another girl that she is beautiful ?!

looool my dear, in engaged I mean “being in a relationship” I write engaged instead of writing “being in a relationship” another meaning of engaged “unavailable”

And no I didn’t say about anything allowed to men and not allowed to women, and again I repeat that in engaged I mean “being in a relationship” I write engaged instead of writing “being in a relationship”!

Originally Posted by Salome

It is not like this. Clearly we have a different idea about RESPECT. In my eyes if my bf spends time alone with 1 or 10 other women (other than business LOL) it is not respectful for me

You are very protective and conservative my dear,
The fact about a guy spending time with other girl alone when “in a relationship” does not fit in any way the meaning of disrespect

Originally Posted by Salome

I wonder how much experience you have with this...you have never noticed that it is not honest?? In the beginning it might be innocent, but then comes men's nature, hormons etc...and voila they start wanting more than friendship....unless you are from Mars you know what I mean

I’ve always been like this, and I treated my gfs my extreme respect and never (believe me or not) cheated on them nor something abusing to the relationships,
And, if a man does not control his hormones I’m sorry to say he is not a man anymore but more of an animal! And i assure you im from this planet, in my point of view men who cannot control their hormones are from Mars

Originally Posted by Salome

I think you misunderstood, THEY meaning as the so called friend, the one you meet or your partner meets, and that man/woman starts wanting more from you or from your partner...which becomes uncomfortable, thus no friendship is possible

Dont worry about trust thing, that is all in alright:)

Yes I misunderstood you, but I suggest that if a guy’s friendship with a girl turned out to be more than friendship from her side, he should clarify things to her and should never take advantage of that, and if a guy does take advantage of that or even think about taking advantage, then we would be disrespecting his current relationship! And his partner (the guy’s gf) shouldn’t always be afraid and jealous if her bf is trustworthy,

And im sure of that that you guys trust each other! :) but haven’t you thought about that if a partner is jealous and bans his other partner from socializing with his opposite sex, in the end this would turn out to be the reason of the unfaithfulness that might happen ?

Originally Posted by Salome

Good luck in your strange ways, you shall be an extraordinary couple

Thank you :D !

Originally Posted by Salome

ah you see, they might want something from her, which shall become uncomfortable for her, if not then yeah it is the case that she might dump you

...and move on? is that so easy as it sounds? no suffering for having lost your love? do you believe in the ONE love, or you think there are just several loves in life?

If it is uncomfortable for her, I think she is grown up enough to put a halt to these guys, and clarify to them that the “something” they want they can’t have it, and if she was alright with it ,and actually like it more than she likes it while being with me (as in a relationship) then she is free to go and have another relationship with another guy, I’m not gonna tie her up and say no you can’t do that am I ? the girl is free to make her own choices in life,

Hell yeah I would move on, what am I gonna cry over it night and day?! If I lost my love that in the end ended up loving another person why would I suffer? isn’t that better for me to lose her than be with her while she doesn’t love me? Its human beings that chose to make things easy or hard on them, I am from the ones who chose the easy method

I believe that you chose the person that you wana love and build up a relationship with, you sacrifice, care, help, and make her/him happy… that’s when “LOVE” comes, in my case there might be one or a million, I don’t believe there is fate in just one “LOVE”. No couple is meant to be together, or they make it happen or they don’t, and whoever says “we are meant to be together” is another victim of love movies, and stories’ brainwashing and is totally inexperienced

Originally Posted by Salome

huh?? this is not a harmonious relationship you describe, not based on love and respect

As I explained myself above, my story is, and the story that I gave of the “some people” is as you just said not based on love and respect

Originally Posted by Salome

I dont have statistics, its only what I see, that men allow themselves bigger freedom as they can tolerate from the women's side

those sexist men:P

anyway do girls trust you easily?

Please I beg you to be more specific in your thinking and say “some men” instead on “men” :D its disrespecting for me! :P

Fortunately yes they do, well that’s what I believe after everything they tell me, maybe they don’t who the hell knows :D

Originally Posted by Salome

I and you are a weirdo:D

I wanted to prove to you that even If i flirt (in this case a tiny bit) with girls it doesn’t mean I want them :D guess you’re right!

[Salome]

Originally Posted by Boris

God can't be imperfect; we wouldn't be able to aim for the perfectness of ourselves

Do we aim for something like that?:D If so, then we chase illusion. I like the idea of an imperfect God, that sounds friendly.

You’re right but shouldn’t we try to change the bad things in our nature, and be convinced of the change we make ? if somebody’s jealous of his/her gf/bf I believe they should work on it and trust each other more and more till they overcome jealousy and not the other way around

You are like saying that fear is in human nature, and every human should be afraid because he is human, and the one who doesn’t know fear is not really on the mainstream and a weirdo :D you can also replace fear in my sentence with sadness, happiness, selfish…etc

Even if there is trust sometimes there can be jealousy. Me personally I dont feel the need to drop jealousy completely:D That is not my nature.

My freedom is still the same when I take into consideration my partner it’s the choice intention of things that change! Freedom is an absolute value, or you are free or you are not! And when you are in a couple you can go wherever you want, do whatever you want, meet whomever you want…yes you are free! Exactly when you have a partner you negotiate, make promises, build trust, care lot more about the person…etc, why wouldn’t it work like that !? i didn’t say ill go east you go west and we’ll meet at the other corner of the earth, in a relationship you can’t tie yourselves up with a rope or duck tape and walk!
Yes we do need to plan together, and compromise, but as I said before you cannot leave the world nor your freedom and be a slave to the relationship you are in, it hurts both partners so badly and leads them to be unfaithful to each other in the future! i strongly am against that

hmm I see you have some encaging syndrome, did you suffer earlier from a posssessing girl?
otherwise you seem to talk about freedom as a general idea, as a principle, of course every human is ought to be free. I was talking about rather the common decisions you take, the common plans, lets see a practical example:

we just plan summer vacation, and as I fancy more the adventurous places I tend to pick places like Peru or Africa. While my partner is rather lazy and prefers places of big cities with beach. So obviously we would like to go on vacation together and not separately, so we will compromise in a place where we have from both a bit, so like Florida, Argentina, Mexico etc..

Yes i see what are you talking about, some men do, but there are others who don’t, you are seeing flirting as an absolute thing, sorry but I have the right to “flirt” with good intentions with a girl, im not doing that to take advantage of her nor to seduce her, it’s just an aspect of social communication,
if I meet you somewhere and I say “waaw you look so beautiful today I love your hairstyle! It makes you so hot!” how am I disrespecting my girlfriend in that?! By telling another girl that she is beautiful ?!

hmm and you would say this while your gf is present? Dont know how others are with it, but when someone says something like this to me, it never meant ONLY an innocent compliment.

And why do you feel the urge to tell such things to other than your gf?

looool my dear, in engaged I mean “being in a relationship” I write engaged instead of writing “being in a relationship” another meaning of engaged “unavailable”

And no I didn’t say about anything allowed to men and not allowed to women, and again I repeat that in engaged I mean “being in a relationship” I write engaged instead of writing “being in a relationship”!

ok I see

You are very protective and conservative my dear,

whatever:)

I’ve always been like this, and I treated my gfs my extreme respect and never (believe me or not) cheated on them nor something abusing to the relationships,
And, if a man does not control his hormones I’m sorry to say he is not a man anymore but more of an animal! And i assure you im from this planet, in my point of view men who cannot control their hormones are from Mars

well then you are from the Jupiter:D you are not the rule but the exception

And im sure of that that you guys trust each other! :) but haven’t you thought about that if a partner is jealous and bans his other partner from socializing with his opposite sex, in the end this would turn out to be the reason of the unfaithfulness that might happen ?

There is no urge to socialize with the opposite sex alone (meaning not with other friends together)...if there ever might be we have to check that case alone...there are no general ideas

But I can tell you, we agreed we dont cheat on each others, this is basic respect you know. Whoever has anybody else on mind, thats when the relationship ends. We spare the drama.

If it is uncomfortable for her, I think she is grown up enough to put a halt to these guys, and clarify to them that the “something” they want they can’t have it, and if she was alright with it ,and actually like it more than she likes it while being with me (as in a relationship) then she is free to go and have another relationship with another guy, I’m not gonna tie her up and say no you can’t do that am I ? the girl is free to make her own choices in life,

Thats pretty fair

Hell yeah I would move on, what am I gonna cry over it night and day?! If I lost my love that in the end ended up loving another person why would I suffer? isn’t that better for me to lose her than be with her while she doesn’t love me? Its human beings that chose to make things easy or hard on them, I am from the ones who chose the easy method

I believe that you chose the person that you wana love and build up a relationship with, you sacrifice, care, help, and make her/him happy… that’s when “LOVE” comes, in my case there might be one or a million, I don’t believe there is fate in just one “LOVE”. No couple is meant to be together, or they make it happen or they don’t, and whoever says “we are meant to be together” is another victim of love movies, and stories’ brainwashing and is totally inexperienced

Well I just asked how you see it. I dont have a clear idea about it, it can be anything. I have arguments for both even from my own life, but in the end it is our free choice. (are you happy now?:D)

Please I beg you to be more specific in your thinking and say “some men” instead on “men” :D its disrespecting for me! :P

hehe "men" was intentional

Fortunately yes they do, well that’s what I believe after everything they tell me, maybe they don’t who the hell knows :D

Really??

I wanted to prove to you that even If i flirt (in this case a tiny bit) with girls it doesn’t mean I want them :D guess you’re right!

yeah this is also a common case, but still this wont make the girl feel better. You upset them then for nothing?? You shall rather pay attention that you dont hurt her feelings with meaningless flirts.

[Boris]

Originally Posted by Salome

Do we aim for something like that?:D If so, then we chase illusion. I like the idea of an imperfect God, that sounds friendly.

what do you aim for in life ?

Even if there is trust sometimes there can be jealousy. Me personally I dont feel the need to drop jealousy completely:D That is not my nature.

i don't think trust has anything to do with jealousy its completely the opposite, therefore i think you have a problem trusting people :)

hmm I see you have some encaging syndrome, did you suffer earlier from a posssessing girl?
otherwise you seem to talk about freedom as a general idea, as a principle, of course every human is ought to be free. I was talking about rather the common decisions you take, the common plans, lets see a practical example:

we just plan summer vacation, and as I fancy more the adventurous places I tend to pick places like Peru or Africa. While my partner is rather lazy and prefers places of big cities with beach. So obviously we would like to go on vacation together and not separately, so we will compromise in a place where we have from both a bit, so like Florida, Argentina, Mexico etc..

encaging problem ? would you or anyone like to be in a cage ? because i don't :D i have a problem with all girls that are possessive and selfish, and i don't suffer but i adapt myself
yes im talking about freedom in a relationship which is included in the general idea of freedom,
what does your example have to do with freedom? you are saying i want A and you want B so we settle for C which is A&B, where does it fit in the context of freedom here? if you compromise it means your not free :S ?

hmm and you would say this while your gf is present? Dont know how others are with it, but when someone says something like this to me, it never meant ONLY an innocent compliment.

And why do you feel the urge to tell such things to other than your gf?

present or not does that changes my intention? well you have a problem trusting and reading people... if somebody tells you you are beautiful and hot they wouldn't be innocent but rather bad for saying that :D?! looool

socialization!! why do you say goodmorning to people other than your partner? why do you ask them how they are? why do you give them compliments? you shouldn't do all those when you are in a relationship :D ?!

whatever:)

and i respect you for that :) it's not something wrong!

well then you are from the Jupiter:D you are not the rule but the exception

in my point of view its the opposite :D

There is no urge to socialize with the opposite sex alone (meaning not with other friends together)...if there ever might be we have to check that case alone...there are no general ideas

But I can tell you, we agreed we dont cheat on each others, this is basic respect you know. Whoever has anybody else on mind, thats when the relationship ends. We spare the drama.

there is no urge to even socialize at all!! all what you do in life you do it because there is an "urge" for it ?! you're missing a big part of life as i see it :)

well then if you agreed that you're not gona cheat on eachother and respect eachother why then be jealous and distrust him being with girls? exactly! whenever they have someone else as a gf/bf in their mind! not if they meet with the opposite sex and socialize together!

Well I just asked how you see it. I dont have a clear idea about it, it can be anything. I have arguments for both even from my own life, but in the end it is our free choice. (are you happy now?:D)

and i answered you how, exactly! yes i am :D thank you!

hehe "men" was intentional

well i really hope you'll meet a man who would change that thought of yours :) so you can see how different a relationship would be!

Really??

yes! cross my heart!

yeah this is also a common case, but still this wont make the girl feel better. You upset them then for nothing?? You shall rather pay attention that you dont hurt her feelings with meaningless flirts.

saying a compliment to a girl is meaningless :D:D:D:D?! if my gf has a problem with that, thats her problem! i know and am a million percent sure that its not disrespect neither unfaithfulness to my gf what i have said :) if anyone sees it as disrespect maybe they are right, but in my opinion its not

[fishy]

Salome:) thank you for posting this.. its funny how some guys think, when a girlfriend tries to be honest with them and tries to tell them exactly what she wants from the relationship so they can both work on it, then she's a monster.

In my opinion, a little bit of jealousy never hurt anyone... none at all is not careless as in "he doesn't care about me" but careless as in... "i want to be only his" i don't know how to explain it..but i just find that if a boyfriend has no jealousy at all...and he thinks of himself as free, and free to make his own choices then what is the point of being in a relationship from the start?

Once we agree on a relationship with a significant other, we give up a little bit of our freedom, maybe nothing changes for some people... but other things will start to be different. We give up some things to be with that person, and spend time with him or her because you miss them, you want to be with them....

It really upsets me when i notice how some people explain that Love can happen with anyone, the two just have to make it work. It is true that they need to make it work but sometimes, when you fall in love with someone you have no control over your feelings.... as much as you want your heart to catch up with your head, it doesn't. And sometimes your heart just takes over. I really envy those whose head convinces them otherwise.

Boris, i really enjoyed reading your posts... and you raise some very interesting points; however, did you think that maybe your girlfriend might act jealous because of your intended flirting with other girls? Your intentions might not be bad, but other girls may not know that. Even if they try to act on these flirtations, and you eventually stop them... why start to flirt in the beginning? and I'm sure that your girlfriend is not that bad, that she's not as jealous as you describe... that maybe if you took a second look, she's just needing a little more attention, and since you claim feeling no jealousy... it makes her feel worse? so maybe being a little bit jealousy in small doses, at the right time could be a good thing sometimes.

I respect other individuals who disagree with me, and smile at those who agree with me.

[orange infection]

Salome:) thank you for posting this.. its funny how some guys think, when a girlfriend tries to be honest with them and tries to tell them exactly what she wants from the relationship so they can both work on it, then she's a monster.

what does that have to do with jealousy ?

[fishy]

If you Look at Boris' post you will know exactly what i'm talking about :) He is describing his girlfriend's jealousy and how she acts when he's around other girls, this is why i implied that she might be wanting something from the relationship so they can both work on it... but the guy made her a monster instead of taking some time to figure out what her problem really is, what she wants, and how they can find a compromise for the whole jealousy situation.