Forgiveness

[Xena]

Originally Posted by Claudia

You have a point, Fakhr. Sometimes punishment is needed to make people see and understand they can't do everything they want. But you need to forgive them in your heart. Hate or range will turn out your enemies,not theirs. Watch Spiderman 3 and you'll see what I'm talking about.

i agree!
when you forgive someone simply because he asked to be forgiven... it's never enough for you... your relationship will never be the same again... and sometimes you will avoid this person because you no longer trust him! in my opinion, when you feel you want to get away from someone after he has done something bad, shows the lack of interest and love to this particular person.

However when you really care for someone, you'll be disappointed akid, however you'll forgive and try to forget about what happened... but you'll probably never be able to forget... it's weird how when you're very pissed of you manage to remember every single detail of previous hurtful situations... so forgiving doesn't imply forgetting!
but maybe punishing does help in the process of forgetting... since you'll be satisfying your own ego!

[DL]

Originally Posted by Claudia

If someone is cheating on you you're free to accept her back or not. And your decision belongs only to yourself. But you can forgive her taking off your heart all the anger you feel. You can wish her the best, you should remember only the best moments you had with her (not the bad ones) because even if you don't want her back, you are still forgiving her in your heart. But if you go tell to all your friends that your ex is a b... then you are not forgiving her, and that is not healthy, imo.

Claudia, my point goes both ways: either someone cheating on you OR you cheating on someone. My quote was quite clear, no? The situation is bitter in both cases. You answered only the first part i.e. if someone cheats on you but what would you do if you were the cheater? Would you be able to forgive yourself?

Originally Posted by DL

I honestly wish you not to ever face this situation of either cheating or being cheated at! I prefer that you would disagree with me rather than you taste the bitterness of this situation!

[Xena]

Originally Posted by DL

Faithful,

You can never forgive cheating - and I mean NEVER!

Even if you say you forget, the next time you see the person, you cant but think about what they have done to THEMSELVES first and then to you!

For anyone who think about cheating: Dont ever do it...

i really don't know if i can forgive cheating or not.. it depends on how it will make me feel and how much love i'll still have inside me... maybe i'll forgive him i don't know, now fakher eldine might lable it as weakness, but i'd rather live my life the way it makes me happy rather than live it the way "it's supposed to be"... i'd rather follow my own manuel!

[Claudia]

Originally Posted by Xena

i agree!
when you forgive someone simply because he asked to be forgiven... it's never enough for you... your relationship will never be the same again... and sometimes you will avoid this person because you no longer trust him! in my opinion, when you feel you want to get away from someone after he has done something bad, shows the lack of interest and love to this particular person.

However when you really care for someone, you'll be disappointed akid, however you'll forgive and try to forget about what happened... but you'll probably never be able to forget... it's weird how when you're very pissed of you manage to remember every single detail of previous hurtful situations... so forgiving doesn't imply forgetting!
but maybe punishing does help in the process of forgetting... since you'll be satisfying your own ego!

That's right... relationships will never be the same. Last year a friend of mine was doing with me a case-study, in our university. She was attracted by a guy of other group so she told him our work's secrets. When I knew this I felt very angry and disapointed. I decided to do the work by myself.
Months later she broke up with the guy and came at me asking me sorry for everything. I told her it was ok with me, no harm feelings (I forgave her). Months later I wished her a happy birthday and I replied to her happy Christmas. This present year she asked if she could join my present group in another case-study. I told her that it was not possible. I still like her as my friend, I don't trust her as my partner (I didn't forget what she did).

Originally Posted by DL

Claudia, my point goes both ways: either someone cheating on you OR you cheating on someone. My quote was quite clear, no? The situation is bitter in both cases. You answered only the first part i.e. if someone cheats on you but what would you do if you were the cheater? Would you be able to forgive yourself?

I am always faithful!
But if I was the cheater then I would ask sorry to my boyfriend with all my heart. I would forgive myself but it would be something very difficult to do. That's why I think very well before I do something. Regrets are the worse feeling in this world.

[Dalzi]

Originally Posted by Abufijli

Men and Women usually view cheating differently.

I can still have feelings for my partner if she cheated on me, but I sure as hell will never forgive or forget it, no second chance in that area.

But a woman can usually forgive a man, I have seen this happen repeatedly. I guess women are more forgiving than us.

You need hanging for this Fijli! Shou forgive ma forgive???

He seems to harbour the view that men can always get away with it .

You know what I believe... If you cheat once, you cheat always. I hate cheats! Both men and women. If you want to be with someone else, don't commit yourself to no one. Simple and easy.

[coralie]

Originally Posted by Fakhr eddine 1618

OK, Your posts always make sense

But I strongly recommend that you read carefully the 3 first posts of this thread
I get the feeling that they are not forgiving or looking for forgiveness for a certain reason related to a certain case, they want to do it because they are looking for freedom, it is like they are prisonner to an idea and want to be free, it is like they are liberating themselves.

So this is what I meant in human.

For me, I decided not to listen to my emotions or to my sensations or my weakness, I decided to anlyse the cases case by case and be solid and severe enough to make the other collapse and pay their mistakes while I have cool blood
I am not anymore that small little kid that is eternally seeking to be good in order to satisfy his mom or his teacher,
I decide to be fair, to have conditions, to take and give

(Allah yestor ma oukhlas bi jhannam)

well ya fakhr i was talking in general bass ok if it is this case and ppl looking for forgiveness or forgiving to feel free this means they are so weak .
if i am not the guilty part , and if the guilty part dont feel any remorse on the contrary is very proud to have done bad i dont see why i should feel the need to forgive him to be able to feel free i dont have a problem with my self he has a problem but it seems that he doesnt care so why should i care ?
now if the guilty part need this forgiveness to feel free or liberated or what ever he has a big problem with himself and what he has done he should liberate himself from the bad inside him he does nt need me or my forgiveness he need to build something positif inside him not inside me ! i have recieved his bad and i am injured physicly or mentaly or what ever my forgiveness wont change my status will it ? the only thing that can hlp set the guilty part free is when they confess it will help them be free but will not erase the damage they caused to others in the flesh ! .
if i forgive will i be able for exemple to forget that this person made me paralized will this set me free ?? NO so again i say if i cant forget i cant forgive !

[Faithful]

Fakhreddine, fi matal bi 2oul :

Pardonne à ton frère et pardonne-toi , la Paix reviendra en toi. " …

I don't know if you read all my posts, but when i talked about forgiveness, in my first post i said forgiveness is a gift for yourself before being to someone else. For this even if the person who hurt you didn't ask for forgiveness, you can forgive him just to be released for the anger you have in your heart.

We can't ignore our human side Fakhr. When you said you don't want to concentrate on the human side that for you represents weakness, you just meant one side of the human nature. We all have 2 sides. The bad and the good. Did you listen to GMA speech 2 days ago??? he said we must learn our children how to use the angel inside them and not the evil. See that's my point. When you refuse to forgive you are not ignoring the human side but you are using your bad side and not the good one.
You said forgiving is a weakness thing. For your info ya Fakhr, To forgive you need a lot of strength to release yourself for all the hate inside you. We all know thats its too easy to be evil but it's too hard to be angels and to spread love arround us. When you decide to forgive ya3ni you are very strong and not weak at all. When you forgive you will be FREE from all resentments against others.

Why you see forgiveness belongs to little kids? So why not love is just for little kids? What is that logic ya zalami ???

You said "I decided to analyse the cases case by case and be solid and severe enough to make the other collapse and pay their mistakes while I have cool blood". And do you think by refusing to forgive him, he will pay for his mistakes??? If he asked for your forgiveness ya3ni he regrets what he did, so he deserves to be forgiven, he will forgive himself and God will forgive him and he will wait for yours but believe me if you refused to give him your forgiveness, its not his fault anymore, he will continue his life in peace. And if he didn't ask for your forgiveness , ma ra7 t2asssir 3ley bi chi la anno ekhir hammo.
In both cases Its you who's gonna be hurt always because you decided to live with your hate for ever...... its like you let him hurt you again and again.

All what i want to say that hurt and anger are just like love, "Byimtilkouk" ta 7atta you decide to let it go. It's impossible to let your hate go without forgiving, unless you prefer to let this person hurt you for the rest of your life, because anger will affect anything you do and any person you know....... and it will always take a place in your heart whatever you tried to hide it or forget about it.

Let it go, and then say live and let live. Se3eta you cut the cord between you and him and your heart will feel good and you can live in peace.

[Claudia]

[quote=coralie;508903]

well ya fakhr i was talking in general bass ok if it is this case and ppl looking for forgiveness or forgiving to feel free this means they are so weak .
if i am not the guilty part , and if the guilty part dont feel any remorse on the contrary is very proud to have done bad i dont see why i should feel the need to forgive him to be able to feel free i dont have a problem with my self he has a problem but it seems that he doesnt care so why should i care ?

Feeling free of what? If you forgive someone you won't feel free of anything... The other one will be free, not you. If you forgive or not that's your decision. When we say "I forgive you" we mean to say "I accept your apologdizes, I don't condemn your past actions anymore". That's all. When i forgive someone I don't free of anything, why should I?

if i forgive will i be able for exemple to forget that this person made me paralized will this set me free ?? NO so again i say if i cant forget i cant forgive !

No coralie, you can forgive and still don't forget. The ones who forget and those who suffer of amnesia. I never forget because thank God I have a very good memory. If someone already hurt me problably I won't trust him again, but I don't wish him anything bad for his life. I don't spend hours planning a way to make him suffer. If a man hurts me I won't date him again but trust me I won't call his new girlfriend to tell her bad things about him. This is forgiveness.

[Nayla]

Many people got hurt in their life and many had problems because of others who try always to impose their opinions on them.

Many people have lost their love or their friends because some evil manipulations.

Many of us forgive and forget, many others forgive but never forget, and the rest of us neither forgive nor forget.

Can you forgive?
Can you forget?
Can you forgive but not forget?

[Souss]

Originally Posted by Nayla H

Many people got hurt in their life and many had problems because of others who try always to impose their opinions on them.

Many people have lost their love or their friends because some evil manipulations.

Many of us forgive and forget, many others forgive but never forget, and the rest of us neither forgive nor forget.

Can you forgive?
Can you forget?
Can you forgive but not forget?

Forgiveness is IMO a very personal matter, so there is no universal answer as to whether one should forgive. It depends on the situation, on the person's character and his/her set of beliefs and values.

As for "forget", I think one should never forget. On the contrary, one should always remember, and most importantly learn from whatever situations where harmful to him/her, so as not to repeat any mistakes.