Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

[mo781]

I'm here to profess my new faith and tell you about my religion: Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I'm a believer that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created this world and he is the only God. There is plausible scientific evidence to suggest that evolution is merely a coincidence, put in place by Him. Being a Pastafarian offers some wonderful advantages. Here are some of our tenants:

• We don't believe in violence or conversion; you are free will to adopt or repudiate FSMism at your behest
• We don't want your money, and we will not try to collect it
• We believe people are free to do what they please if they don't hurt others
• You get to dress up as a pirate if you choose, which is awesome
• There's no hell, devil, or eternal damnation
• We make as much sense as any other religion
• There is no evidence to suggest your false Gods are real (Jesus, God, etc...); all are fake, and FSM is the only real God.

Some of our demands include:

• We want the theory of Intelligent Falling taught in schools along side the evil theory of Gravity

We believe that the noodly appendages of the FSM push you down on the ground, which simulates gravity. As evidence I cite that the world population has been getting taller in the last few hundred years. That is because there has been less noodly appendages to push a growing number of people down. Further evidence shows that pasta originates from China, and the Chinese are known to be short, and there are a lot of them. That clearly shows the FSM invested most of his noodly appendages to push the blessed Chinese people down. The Theory of Intelligent Falling must therefore be taught next to the evil theory of Evolution.

More is to come… are there fellow brothers in faith, Pastafarians here?

May the holy noodly appendages of the Flying Spaghetti Monster bless you.

[SeekNirvana]

Mo,

I think it's only rational to show the picture of FSM when preaching:



I am a proud believer in FSM and I have one of those rubber wrist bands saying "WWFSMD" ==> What Would the Flying Spaghetti Monster Do. It's a gerat source of inspiration when I'm in distress. Do you have it?

Regards,

[blues00]

My brother in Pastafarian faith,

I am glad to see others who have known the path of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

We need more and more people to join our ranks so we may eventually teach Pastafarianism and Intelligent Falling in schools. Evolution must be acknowledged by our children as the myth that it is.

All evidence for evolution was planted by the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The FSM tests Pastafarians' faith by making things look older than they are. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 11,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

My path to true faith has been a long one. I once believed in an Abrahamic religion, but I chose to believe in a faith that made more sense at the time: Frisbeetarianism. In case you didn’t know, Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof (like a Frisbee) and gets stuck.

However, after being exposed to The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I was saved. The love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster filled my heart and soul and I was free, for the first time ever. Now, I feel like I am walking hand in hand with the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I feel his presence. He must be real. When confronted with a difficult real-life situation, I pause and ask myself: What Would the Flying Spaghetti Monster Do? I even bought a “WWFSMD?” bracelet to remind me of my commitment to lifelong faith and worship.

I must go now, I am on my out to purchase my Pirate costume to celebrate the upcoming holy season.

May His noodly appendages bring you peace and happiness.

[METALLICA]

Oh no! Someone ate it!!


I wouldn't worry too too much though, he's said to have mighty big balls of meat.

[SeekNirvana]

Originally Posted by METALLICA

Oh no! Someone ate it!!


I wouldn't worry too too much though, he's said to have mighty big balls of meat.

Many underestimate the power of FSM to regenerate. Ideas don't die META! FSM rises from the dead, and it takes Him about 30-40mins max (unlike others 3 days!! In your face)!!



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[Mr Aoun]

oh god not another venganza fan. it's turning into a cult.

[Fragrance of Roses]

This is the funniest thread I have ever read in a long time! I seriously fell off my chair while reading it! I love SamIAm's avatar too! LOL!

First of all, long time no see MO! Welcome back amongst us here in the CF.

Mkhoury! I got so Frigga lost while reading your post that I believed immediately out of lack of comprehension! Great revelation moment! :D

Keep up the good work of spreading the Word! FSM bless your hard work! (Do you think this is exactly how religions started in the past? :S :P:D

[coralie]

I will hunt you down you spagetti monster infidels .. here Comes the Tortellini God !


this thread is hilarious

[SeekNirvana]

We, as Pastafarians, are glad that you enjoyed Pastafarianism and FSMism :)
Abir, that's the beauty of FSMism, it's so convincing, more than the other religions we have now.
Coralie, Tortellinism is just another sect of Pastafarianism, and since in your last interview (gotcha) to the press (Greetings Bahij M3arrawi) you were trying to build cross-confessional bridges, I see no problem in doing the same here, we're all Pastafarian after all

Here are some endorsements that FSM received:

Originally Posted by – Mark Zurbuchen, Ph.D.

“As a scientist, I’d like to say that the currently accepted scientific theory is evolution. But, some competing ideas have been proposed, such as ID and FSMism, and discussion to include one should include the other, as these ideas are equally valid.“

Originally Posted by – Dr. A. Macintyre (UK)

“As a medical practitioner and scientist, I wholeheartedly believe that every theory and hypothesis needs full consideration and explanation with formal ratification by peer review. We have a duty to inform our schools and presumably pasta should form a staple part of our educational diet.“

Originally Posted by – J. Simon, PhD

“Letting the religious right teach ID in schools is like letting the Marines teach poetry in advanced combat training. As a scientist, I see these the relevancy between the two sets to be equal. If Kansas is going to mess up like this, the least it can do is not be hypocritical and allow equal time for other alternative “theories” like FSMism, which is by far the tastier choice.”

Originally Posted by – Professor Douglas Shaw, Ph.D

“One of the hardest things to do as a scientist is to put my personal beliefs aside when discussing matters of science. So as a professional, I have to say that both forms of Intelligent Design - ID and ID-FSM are equally valid and if intelligent design is taught in schools, equal time should be given to the FSM theory and the non-FSM theory. But, speaking personally now, it seems to me the FSM theory is MUCH more plausable than the non-FSM ID theory, because it is the only one of the two that takes into account all the discrepancies between ID and measureable objective reality.”

May his noodly appendages bless you all.
WWFSMD

[Fragrance of Roses]

Originally Posted by mkhoury

We, as Pastafarians, are glad that you enjoyed Pastafarianism and FSMism :)

Abir, that's the beauty of FSMism, it's so convincing, more than the other religions we have now.

I am reconsidering being Agnostic! You are totally right! As I have previously mentioned, the revelation moment I had depended on comprehending diddly-squat of what you had written! AWESOME DUDE! :D

May his noodly appendages bless you all.
WWFSMD

LOOOOOOOO! Best laugh of the month! :D

[ This thread is making me real hungry! :( ]