Can you Tolerate Cheating ?

[Inanna]

against cheating,
and if ever i find out that the person i'm dating is cheating, i just leave, no tears, no fights, not even one single word, and akid no cheating, merci, au revoir!

[Bodhisattva]

against cheating,
and if ever i find out that the person i'm dating is cheating, i just leave, no tears, no fights, not even one single word, and akid no cheating, merci, au revoir!

..

What would you say are the roots causing cheating if we take cheating to be a Symptom of the desease and not the desease itself!?

bodhi.

[coralie]

Originally Posted by Bodhisattva

..

What would you say are the roots causing cheating if we take cheating to be a Symptom of the desease and not the desease itself!?

bodhi.

what if cheating was a desease ??? in lots of cases its really a habit a need to some ppl !!! its not only a symptom but a desease by it self !
marina is right talking or arguing or what ever will not change things what is broken is broken !!! trying to solve it by conversation is like trying to glue a broken vase and try to put water mmm difficult ! it will never be the same vase it will look good on a table but will always be the broken vase who cant be filled up with water u can just put in it artificial flowers !!!

[Bodhisattva]

what if cheating was a desease ???

its never a desease coralie, its always a symptom, if you want to get technical we can.. worst case scenario, sex addicts.. and i Know! its NOT a desease in and of itself, but a symptom.. only a symptom coralie

in lots of cases its really a habit a need to some ppl !!!

a habit is a manifestation of a mental conditioning, no more no less, its reversable, like chainsmoking, or browsing LFPM also

its not only a symptom but a desease by it self !

call it what you like, its not the root and htats what im pointing out here

marina is right talking or arguing or what ever will not change things what is broken is broken !!!

and u are saying, the cheating is what broke it??

Coralie, wats the difference between a man who cheats with X woman, or a man who fanticizes about sleeping with X woman??

is it just the act by itself that constitues that the rel'p is broken, or are you starting to see that its rooted at a deeper level

and these man-made (in this case, womanmade) definitions, of broken, principles, laws, etc.. are just constricting our capabilities of going deeper into the root?

trying to solve it by conversation is like trying to glue a broken vase and try to put water mmm difficult !

conversation between two ppl emotionally involved to this level, and attached to the problem to this level will rarely bring a solution i agree.. 3rd party help is necc and critical in my view

it will never be the same vase it will look good on a table but will always be the broken vase who cant be filled up with water u can just put in it artificial flowers !!!

another woman-made definition ya Coralie,

lets focus on the root problems to see how we can mend and rectify it, and try to transcend our emotional responces as they can be counter productive!!


someone once said, you can admire a pretty flower without picking it! ( a little out of topic now, bas it wont be later.. )


bodhi .

[coralie]

Originally Posted by Bodhisattva

another woman-made definition ya Coralie,

bodhi .

wierd but what i just said in my post was my point of view but was nt my definition and u will be surprised to know it was a man who gave me once this definition of the broken vase , and what is broken is broken !! and i totaly agree with him and thats why i used his words ! Bodhi cheating can be very distructive living the experience is diffrent then talking about it from a distance.. i see around me lot of mariage going apart cause of this phenomenon! this means its not just woman/man-definition , its a sad destructive fact ! now is it a desese or a symptom who cares its something negatif thats all i need to know !!!!

[Bodhisattva]

Originally Posted by Coralie

wierd but what i just said in my post was my point of view but was nt my definition and u will be surprised to know it was a man who gave me once this definition of the broken vase , and what is broken is broken !! and i totaly agree with him and thats why i used his words !

Coralie, woman-made, man-made.. same thing in my book, i use them interchangeably in my posts to recondition some of the collocial language we're used to:

for instance: businessman, i use businesswoman, or businessperson, interchangeably!

with that in mind, ull understand why its unnecc to reply to the above other than to fortify!

Men and Women, and the concept of cheating are essentially the same

Bodhi cheating can be very distructive living the experience

i understand completely! and i feel for all those whove gone through this rough experience

is diffrent then talking about it from a distance..

i'm afraid, taking it at a distance is the best way we can study this symptom as obejctively and effieciently as possible! this doesnt mean not feeling compassion!! no! NEVER! it means you are chanelling your compassion better by taking a distance so you can get better results to offer to the ppl suffering

i see around me lot of mariage going apart cause of this phenomenon! this means its not just woman/man-definition , its a sad destructive fact !

again, pls refer to my man/woman usage to understand where im coming from! essentially what im trying to say is that everything you and i say and set to be as CONCRETE rules, are not necc that! they are man/woman made distinctions and they cause a lot of problems in a discussion if not taken into account by awareness

now is it a desese or a symptom who cares its something negatif thats all i need to know !!!!

and HERE is where i OBJECT!!!
ofcourse its negative and destructive! but its NOT sufficient to say, its negative and thats all you need to know!

We must all Face this question and concept and not put our heads in the sand hoping it will go away! the best way to do it is to tackle it with awareness from a distance or from as much a distance as possible so we can FORMULATE a better understanding of it! as a symptom

and what we can do to alleviate the root causes

that trigger this symptom!

that way we may have somehting to offer virtually every human being in the planet i hope! and we have succeeded in taking a counter productive destructive desease, symptom, whatever, and finding an immunizing understanding that can save many alot of uneeded suffering!



Bodhisattva.

[Personne]

Idéalement pour moi , quand le couple vit un malaise ou quand c'est plus grave encore ...il faut discuter , communiquer, essayer de regler les problemes...puis la volonté doit etre la des deux cotes pour améliorer la situation et résoudre les problemes...theoriquement si la communication est completement coupee et si la volonté d'arranger les choses n'est pas la...la solution serait la rupture...Tout ca est theoriquement...car pour les couples mariés..ce n'est pas simple et souvent ce n'est ni blanc , ni noir , c'est compliqué et il y a beaucoup de facteurs á considérer...est-ce que l'infidelité est acceptable? pas á mon avis...pas seulement pour le partenaire qui subit l'infidélité mais aussi pour celui qui est infidele...la culpabilité..le manque de respect...la marche arriere est impossible..en tout cas á mon avis...Dans toute mon analyse , je ne differencie pas l'adultere feminin de celui masculin bien que les causes de l'infidelite seraient differentes entre les hommes et les femmes..il parait que les femmes sont infideles par amour pour la troisieme personne ( ca ne justifie pas leur trahison) tandis que les hommes le sont surtout sexuellement sans implication emotionelle (ce qui n'amoindrit aucunement leurs actions...) bien sur ce sont des generalites et il y a des cas differents....Idéalement, pour moi est quand on fait , ce qu'on dit et que l'on dit ce qu'on pense...mais c'est loin d'etre évident....

[Abufijli]

Depends who is doing the cheating.

[coralie]

Originally Posted by Abufijli

Depends who is doing the cheating.

realy ? can you elaborate more please ? how does it depend on who is doing the cheating ? enno if it is the man it is different then if it is the woman or vise versa ? how and why ?

[Aroma]

Coralie,I was watching a program days ago and a psychologist was talking about "husbands cheating their wives".To sum-up she said that men's nature makes it hard for them to be loyal so many cheat their wives and that their wives should understand that and forgive them bc they may love thom and make mistakes but it's all about their "nature".
what do you think?is that plausible?could a woman forgive such a "huge" mistake like cheating??