Old and New Jokes!!!

[fado]

Originally Posted by SeekNirvana

Just be careful what you say

The poor guy

[Faithful]

ولد يسأل أمه: شو يعني ملاك

ردت: مخلوق من نور بيطير بالسما.

قال الولد: سمعت بابا عم يقول لسكرتيرته يا ملاكي، بس ما طارت

قالت الأم: اليوم رح يطير

[lady_forever]

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a little girl being
attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the
girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: 'You are a hero, tomorrow you
can read it in all the newspapers:
'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl'.
The man says: 'But I am not a New Yorker!'
Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:
'Brave American saves life of little girl' the policeman answers.
'But I am not an American!' - says the man. Oh, what are you then?'
The man says: 'I am a Pakistani!'

The next day the newspapers say: 'Extremist kills innocent American dog'

[4U2IMI8]

Originally Posted by faithful

ولد يسأل أمه: شو يعني ملاك

ردت: مخلوق من نور بيطير بالسما.

قال الولد: سمعت بابا عم يقول لسكرتيرته يا ملاكي، بس ما طارت

قالت الأم: اليوم رح يطير

نفس الولد سال امه ، ماما الضو بيتاكل ، قالتلو لا ماما ليه ، قالا ولا شي بس سمعت الباباعم بيقلا للسكريتيرة طفي الضو لطعميكي اياه

[Omeros]

Originally Posted by 4U2IMI8

نفس الولد سال امه ، ماما الضو بيتاكل ، قالتلو لا ماما ليه ، قالا ولا شي بس سمعت الباباعم بيقلا للسكريتيرة طفي الضو لطعميكي اياه

نفس الولد سال والده حابب تاكل قتلي ؟

[shevchenco]

this is the best joke I've read in a long long time:

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?"

"Are you nuts?!!" she replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?", he asks again.

"Listen you, I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"

So the guy run around the next block and faces her again.

"Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?'

"Nah", he replies. "Costs way too much!"

[JulesK]

Does Management know their Staff?

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.

He approached the young man and calmly said to him, 'How much do you earn?'

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, 'I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir. Why?'

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, 'Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back'.
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, 'And that applies for everybody in this company'.
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, 'Who's the young man that I just fired?'
To which an amazing reply came of, 'He was the pizza delivery man, Sir...!'

[JulesK]

Elias grew up in Beirut, then moved away to attend college and law in Oxford University.

He decided to come back to Beirut , because he could not be a big man in Oxford.He really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned
and opened his New law office.

The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk.
He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door Mr. Elias picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all while talking 'No. Absolutely no' You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the State Prosecutor that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.'

This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Elias rattled instructions.

Finally, Elias put down the phone and turned to the man. 'I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?'

The man replied, 'I'm from OGERO, I've come to connect your line'.

[shevchenco]

Originally Posted by basma88

YouTube - Um Hussein Reading a cup.
akh ya allah...wohahahahahaha..

the video was removed, but check out this one:

YouTube - Im Hussein - Habby Bairday 1

[JulesK]

Losing all your friends

Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'

Anger management?

Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush.'

Brother wanted

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,'send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....

Meaning of WIFE

Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!'
Wife replies, 'No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!'

Importance of a period

Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?'
Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.'

Confident vs. Confidential

A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential? '
Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! '