Old and New Jokes!!!

[Kakou]

قال مرّة كان في أرنب أبيض وحلو كتير بس أعمى.



إجى مرّة وجرَّب يطلع بطلعا قويّة كتير، وبس وصل على نصّها، تفركش ووقع ! وصار يتدحرج ويتدحرج توصل على كعب الوادي وإجا واقع على ضهرو على ضهر ضفدعة .



صرخت الضفدعة وقالت: مين إنت يللي وقعت عليّي ؟



قلها: أنا صوفي أبيض وناعم وحلو كتير، سريع كتير والصيّادة ما بيقدرو يلقتوني، الناس كلّا بتحبني لأني ما بزعجها ولأني كتير مهضوم، وأنا أعمى...



قالت الضفدعة : عرفتك ! عرفتك ! مش إنتا الأرنب الأعمى؟



ردّ الأرنب وقلّها: صح، هيدا أنا، بس إنتي مين؟



قالتلو الضفدعة : أنا جلدي ورأسي مالس وبيزحِّط، عينيّيه باظّين ونافرين لبرّا، بضَلّني قعقي ليل ونهار، ما بسكت أبداً، الناس كلّا بتنزجع منّي...



ردّ الأرنب وقلّو: عرفتك! عرفتك! مش إنتا...





وليد جنبلاط بيك ؟!

[Kakou]

It'a POSITIVE WAY OF THINKING more than being a JOKE!!

Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice.

Son : "I will choose my own bride!"

Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."

Son : "Well, in that case...OK"


Next Day

Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."

Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"

Father : "But this young man i s a vice-president of the World Bank."

Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case... OK"


Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended a s a vice-president. "

President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"

Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."

President : "Ah, in that case... OK"

This is how business is done!!

[Rors]

امتحان الشهادة الثانوية دورة عام 2030

النصوص:

قال الشاعر (علي الديك) يصف موسم الحصاد ومتغزلاً بحبيبته :
جاي تسنبل واراي سمرا و آنا الحاصودي
مابو بالزرع شميل عودي عديارك عودي
لا تقولي مر و ميل خاف عيونك بارودي
سمرا أوعى تحبيني آني عصفور طياري

الأسئلة:

1. غني البيتين الأول و الثاني بدون موسيقى ولا تنس الزقفة!
2. استخدم الشاعر صور جميلة ما في داعي تذكر منها شي!
3. لماذا يريد الشاعر عودة حبيبته في البيت الثاني مع أنها جابتلو الزوادي؟
4. في النص تلميح واضح لعودة الشعب الفلسطيني من خلال التركيب البياني
( عودي عديارك عودي ) حدد أركان هذا التركيب .
5. فسر معنى الكلمتين ( مابو _ شميل ).
6. تخيل الشاعر نفسه سائق طيارة من خلال قوله (آني عصفور طياري) حدد نوع
العصفور الذي قصده الشاعر ( فري... حجل ... دجاجة )
7. اكتب ثلاثة أبيات من قصيدة الشاعر علي ديوب : ( واعدتينا تحت التينا )
النحو:

1. أين تجد كلمة ( تسنبل _ واراي) في قاموس لسان الكراجات؟
2. حوّل كلمة (بارودي) إلى مسدس دون إطلاق عيارات نارية!
3. في النص مواضع سخافة كثيرة حدد اثنين منها.

القراءة و المطالعة:

جاء في قصيدة (صباح فخري):
خمرة الحب اسقنيها همّ قلبي تنسنيه
عيشةٌ لا حب فيها جدول لا ماء فيه

1ـ تحدّث عن دوخان صباح فخري بما لا يتجاوز 3000 سطر مع العلم أن تابع الحركة الدورانية هو : ع = لغ(ب + ج ) .
2ـ إلام يرمز الخمر في هذه القصيدة ؟ ثم هات أربعة من المشروبات الروحية دون ذكر' الماسة' !

التعبير:

'بوس الواوا خلي الواوا يصح'
ـ ناقش مُعاناة هيفا وهبي مع المرض موضحاً الأسباب الرئيسة لمرضها مدعم بالشواهد المناسبة!

انتهت الأسئلة

[Orange Room]

New Joke Michel El Murr talking on NBN :D

[lady_forever]

A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.
The Problem was who should get custody of the child.

The wife screamed and jumped up and said:
'Your Honor.
I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.
The child Should be in my custody.'

The judge turned to the husband and said: 'What do you have to Say in your defense?'

The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose.
'Your Honor...
If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...
Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?'

[Kakou]

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying: My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.


The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours

Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e . 1/3(one third)

Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)

Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir

Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many
days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove
that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!


Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR = HIGH RISK

[SeekNirvana]

Just be careful what you say

[basma88]

YouTube - Um Hussein Reading a cup.
akh ya allah...wohahahahahaha..

[GMA forever]

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,
Norman $oh

The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:





Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United St ates may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

[Dalzi]

Originally Posted by basma88

YouTube - Um Hussein Reading a cup.
akh ya allah...wohahahahahaha..

This is hilarious!