Old and New Jokes!!!

[Abou Ali]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nojWJ6-XmeQ&feature=related[/youtube]

[Miss Orange]

Originally Posted by Layyouss

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nojWJ6-XmeQ&feature=related[/youtube]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i just literally laughed out loud hahahahha

[Kakou]

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his
examination?
Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

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What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos? The ones in the casinos are serious.

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When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God
doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

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A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" His father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine."

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Cheslyn's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Cheslyn seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."

[Abou Ali]

In some hotel in Beirut, a Lebanese was eating his breakfast calmly: coffee, croissant, baguette, butter and jam. A Syrian tourist with a big chewing gum sat on the table in front of him. While the Lebanese ignored him, the Syrian started a conversation:
Syrian: you Lebanese, you eat all your bread?
Lebanese (in bad humor): yes.
Syrian (after making a big balloon with his chewing gum): we in Syria, we eat only the interior, and we put the outer part in containers, we recycle them to croissants and we sell them to Lebanese.
The Syrian was smiling all over his face, while the Lebanese listened silently.
The Syrian persists: and you eat your jam with the bread?
Lebanese: yes.
the Syrian (another big balloon noise): we in Syria, we eat fresh fruits at breakfast, and we put the peels and the seeds in containers, we recyle them to jam and we sell them to Lebanese.
At that moment the Lebanese asked: do you make love in Syria?
Syrian (with a big smile): yeah sure, and a lot too.
Lebanese: and what do you do with the condoms?
Syrian: well, we throw them like everybody else in the world.
Lebanese: well, not us. Once we finish using our condoms, we put them in containers, we recycle them to chewing gums and we sell them to Syrians

[Venom]

[Venom]

[Abou-Eddie]

American Medical Association researchers have made a

remarkable discovery.

It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may

benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.

It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

Just thought you'd like to know.

[Ana]

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.


Please select from the following options menu:


If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.


If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.


If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.


If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.


If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
MotherShip.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.


If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.


If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.


If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the
beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.


If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.


If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy
to talk with you.


If you are menopausal, put the guns down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie
down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.


If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up
anyhow."

[Mr Aoun]

Ken fee binit btishtighel bi saydaliyyeh. Marra fet la 3anda abu 3abed, wa shtara minna 3ilbet vitamin zgheereh. 3atityo 3ilbeh kbeereh bi nafsil si3r wa alitlo, ya abu 3abed, hayda min khayr il 7ariri. Basat abu 3abed wa fal.

Teneh nhar, ija abul 3abed 3al saydaliyyeh, wa shtara 3ilbit cream zgheereh la im 3abed. Il binit rij3it 3atityo 3ilbeh kbeereh bi nafsil si3r, wa alitlo, ya abu 3abed, hayda, min kheyr il 7ariri. yee shoo basat abu 3abed.

telit nhar, riji3 abul 3abed 3al saydaliyyeh. ijit il binet m'akhara, wa le'it abul 3abed e3id barra wa ken 3am byurjof.

Binit: "Yee abu 3abed lesh e3id barra hek, lesh 3am turjof?!?! minil si'3a, mareed, shoo bek ya abu 3abed??!?!"
Rad 3alayha abu 3abed "eh walla mareed ya m3almeh, bass maa 3am urjof minil si'3a".
Binit: "tayyib kher lakan, min shoo 3am turjof?"
Abul 3abed: "la illik saraa7an ya ikhteh...ana ijeet la ishtireh ta7meeleh zgheereh, wa khayfen ta3teeneh wi7deh kbeereh wa t'eleeleh, hayda min khayr il 7arireh"

[Abou Ali]

Breaking News

According to reliable sources, the Iranian government has ordered one of its battleships to patrol in the Mediterranean Sea and in the national waters of Lebanon in an act perceived as deterrent to the Americans. The Iranian Defense Administration ordered this battleship to remain in close proximity to USS Cole to ensure that the Lebanese allies will feel secure and relieved that the American influence will not prevail. The battleship is named IRN Shkor.

The official confirmed to us that the Lebanese will now have 'Cole W Shkor' available after every meal.

Bon Appetit!