Old and New Jokes!!! - Page 84 - The Orange Room

Superman

Golf Ball Hunt

Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!

Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"

"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.

"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"

Abou-Eddie

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad,
what is the difference between potentially and
realistically?" The father thought for a moment, then
answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister
if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell
me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you
sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The
mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really
use that money to fix up the house and send you kids
to a great University!" The boy then went to his
sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for
a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I
LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat,
are you nuts?" The boy then went to his brother and
asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you
know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then
went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you
find out the difference between potentially and
realistically?" The boy replied, "Yes. Potentially,
you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but
realistically, we're living with two hookers and a homo."

LebDocNCali

A cannibal walking through the jungle comes upon a restaurant operated by a
fellow cannibal.

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sits down and looked at the menu:

Tourist: $5
Broiled Missionary: $10
Fried Explorer: $15
Baked Mo3arada or Grilled Mo3alat: $100

The cannibal calls the waiter over and asks, 'Why such a price difference
for the politicians?'

The cook replies, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of
****, it takes all morning."

3i3o

lfpm.org is BLUE ! (that is the opposite of a joke)

Danny Z

http://youtube.com/watch?v=0GEq_hWh-MA

coralie

One night, after the couple had retired for
the night, the woman became aware that her husband
was touching her in a most unusual manner. He
started by running his hand across her shoulders and
the small of her back. He ran his hand over her
breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he
proceeded to run his hand gently down her side,
sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the
other side to a point below her waist. He continued
on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the
the other. His hand ran further down the outside of
her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the
inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned
to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the woman was becoming aroused
and she squirmed a little to better position
herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to
his side of the bed.

"Why are you stopping darling?" she
whispered.

He whispered back: "I found the remote!"

Kakou

Caught in Bed

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making Love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset.

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you.
I want a divorce!
And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And the husband began -- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days!
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same."

The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said: Please ... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"