Old and New Jokes!!!

[Kakou]

A man had a 4*4! Once, his neighbor sees it and he adds = 16!
The man got upset and went to the Polish "garage" and erased it!
Next day, the neighbor read 4*4 and added = 16! The man saw the car with the = 16 got upset and went again to the "garage" and fixed it... Next morning, the same! The neighbor has seen the car, read 4*4 and added = 16.
So the man got sick of it and he decided to do it himself. He went to the "POLISHMAN" and added = 16 in gold fonts (just like the 4*4 ones) and parked his 4*4.
Next morning, the neighbor passed by the car and saw 4*4 =16 on the car! He added a check mark!!

I love this one, but sorry for the english if it turned it into UNFUNNY one! It's better in arabic or french!!

[Abou-Eddie]

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very
sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you
want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.

[Abou-Eddie]

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into
the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

[Inanna]

"Now can you spell the word straight?" the third-grade teacher asked her students.
"S.T.R.A.I.G.H.T" answered a boy seated in the front row.
"Great job. and you know what it means?"
"Without ice!"

[Abou-Eddie]

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway
next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was
plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was
sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes
the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes
arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being
with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your
fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a
bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be
damned," then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had Arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading
here that the Pope does."

[Abou-Eddie]

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
the other is a husband.

[Order]

Once a drunk man went out in the street after a long night in the bar
he was very agressive and he was feeling like he want to beat someone anyone
on the corner of the street he saw a religious woman all in black robe
the man jumped on here and started beating here and beating here until she was almost dead
the man continued his way but 2 minutes later he came back to where the woman was and said :
" you know batman i am realy disappointed i was expecting you to resist better than that "

[Abou-Eddie]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,
which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
Make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
To reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
Always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag
Is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
Containing "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi **bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in
Ze forst plas.

[Abou-Eddie]

THE LOVE DRESS

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house.
She knocked on the door, then immediately walked in.
She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on
the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and
the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are
you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for John to come
home from work." the daughter-in-law answered. "But
you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is
my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love
dress? But you're naked!" "John loves me to wear this
dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end.
Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly
becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He
can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on
her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a
romantic CD and laid on the couch waiting for her
husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home.
He walked in and saw her laying there so
provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This
is my love dress," she whispered, sensually. "Needs
ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?”

[Faithful]

Un patient gravement malade est à l'hôpital. La famille est réunie dans la salle d'attente.

Un médecin entre, fatigué et dit désolé:
- "Je vous apporte de mauvaises nouvelles. L'unique chance de survie est une greffe de cerveau. C'est une opération expérimentale, très risquée et dont les frais seront totalement à votre charge."

La famille reste abasourdie. Un des membres demande :
- "Combien coûte un cerveau?"
- "Ca dépend, répond le médecin, 5000 Euros pour un cerveau d'homme, 200 Euros un cerveau de femme"

Alors un long moment de silence s'installe. Les hommes de la famille se retiennent de rire et évitent de regarder les femmes.

Un curieux ose quand même poser la question :
- "Docteur, pourquoi une telle différence de prix?"

Le docteur sourit face à une telle question, puis répond:
- "Les cerveaux de femme coûtent moins, car ils ont été utilisés, ce qui n'est pas souvent le cas pour les hommes. . ."

.... Salut aux hommes qui ont souri à la moitié de l'histoire