Old and New Jokes!!! - Page 59 - The Orange Room

charlitto

Walid Joumblat, Samir Geagea & Saad Hariri are flying on MEA.

Over Beirut, Hariri turns to Joumblat and says, chuckling,
"You know, I could throw a 10.000$ bill right now and make someone very happy."

Joumblat shrugs and reply,
"Well, I could throw ten of 1000$ out the window and make ten people happy."

Feeling that he was not considered, and still being intelligent after 11 years in prison,
Geagea says: "Hell, I could throw a hundred 100$ bills and make a hundred people happy."

The pilot overhearing this, says to his co-pilot:

"Such arrogant asses back there.
Hey, tell them I could throw them out the window, and make 3 millions of people very very happy."

coralie

A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner, after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician (who was also a member of the congregation) was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. As the local politico was delayed, the priest decided to speak extemporaneously while they waited.

He stood at the podium and said, "I got my first impression of this parish from the first confession I heard here. When the person had finished his confession, I thought I must have been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me that he had once stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss' wife, taken illegal drugs, and had given VD to his sister. I was shocked and appalled. However, as the days went on, I knew that my people were not all like that person and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish, full of good, honourable and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his off-the-cuff remarks, the politician arrived, full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.

He stood at the podium and said, "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived."

Marhoum

أجـاب الزبـــون صاحب الفندق الذي كان قد سألـه: ماذا أفعل لكي أتخلّـص من هذا الذبـاب في فندقي؟؟
اجابه الزبون على الفور : قــدّم له فاتورة نظير التي أعطيتني فلن تـراه الى الابـــد

!

Chief

With All due respect to the syrian people:

A Homsi, a Russian, and an Italian go to a machine that beeps
every time you tell a lie.

First out is the Russian:
I think I'm beautiful!"
BEEEP!

Then goes the Italian:
I think I'm smart!"
BEEEP!

Finally it's time for the Homsi:
I think..."
BEEEP!

C H I E F
:logo:

Marhoum

كـان الشيخ بيار الجميـّل الجـدّ مؤسس الكتائب من رجالات لبنان الكبار أيام عهد الاستقلال، وكان صيدليـّاً وصيدليته في ساحة الشهداء على الجانب الشرقي، وكان السياسيون يشنـّعون بعضم بعضاً ولكن بنسبة أقل من اليوم، وقد علقت إحدى الصحف التي تخاصم الشيخ بيار سياسياً مشنـّعة به باتهامها له بقولها :

العـقاقيـــــر أصبحــــت عـقـا رات

Tanios

«le Libanais» et «le Syrien» sont dans un bar en Arabie Saoudite, en train de boire un verre d'alcool lorsque la police saoudienne les arrête.
La consommation d'alcool est une offense grave en Arabie Saoudite.
Ainsi, ils sont tous les deux condamnés sur le champ à 20 coups de fouet.
Alors qu'ils se préparent à leur punition, le cheik leur annonce:
- C'est l'anniversaire de ma première épouse aujourd'hui, et elle m'a demandé de permettre à chacun de vous d'exaucer un souhait avant d'être fouettés.

«le Syrien» étant le premier, il réfléchit pendant un moment puis dit:
- S'il vous plaît, attachez un oreiller dans mon dos.
Ceci fut fait, mais l'oreiller ne résista qu'à 10 coups de fouet. Quand la punition fut terminée, «le Syrien» dû être emporté en train de saigner abondamment et de pleurer de douleur.

Vient alors le tour de «le Libanais».
Le cheik se tourne vers lui et dit:
- Vous venez d'un des endroits les plus beaux du monde et votre culture est une des plus fines au monde. À cause de cela, vous avez le droit à deux souhaits!

«le Libanais» lui répond:
- Soyez remerciée, votre très royale Altesse pleine de miséricorde. En reconnaissance de votre bonté, mon premier voeu sera que vous ne me donniez pas 20, mais CENT coups de fouet!
- Non seulement vous êtes un honorable et puissant gentilhomme, mais vous êtes aussi très brave. Si tel est votre souhait, qu'il en soit ainsi. Et quel sera votre second souhait? demanda le Cheik:
- Attachez-moi «le Syrien» sur le dos.

King Rami

بمناسبة عيد الفصح... إتّصل وليد بيك بالحكيم تيعيّدو... شو قلّو؟؟
المسيح قام؟ ما قام... مبلى قام

Inanna

http://www.masteroni.com/stuff/88098232/hu.phtml

turn your speakers on! and if you're at work, dont listen to it!

Carlutchi

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inanna

http://www.masteroni.com/stuff/88098232/hu.phtml

turn your speakers on! and if you're at work, dont listen to it!

Nice one Inanna, but HU gave you the link lol ?

Arze

Waleed Jumblat had a stomach problem,, so he went to see the doctor.

After he checked him the doctor said : You have an upset stomach so you should have every day two teaspoons of honey for breakfast first thing in the morning.,, a plate of salad for lunch,,, and in the evening you should stop bull-shitting on LBC..

"Abu Abed & Jumblat on the Judgment Day"

On the Judgment Day, Abu Abed was convicted to spend the rest of his life with an ugly very old lady..

So he took the old lady and on his way out saw, Waleed Jumblat with Haifa Wehbe, so he went upset and went back complaining : "This is not fair.... What did I do in my life to deserve that ugly old lady and Waleed Jumblat taking Haifa Wehbe... and he started shooting "This is not fair... This is not fair by all means "

The Angel said : " Take it easy Abu Abed... Why are you so upset... First of all, We did not compensate Jumblat by giving him Haifa Wehbe, As a matter of fact, Haifa was convicted and as a punishment for her, we did not find anyone uglier than Jumblat to give her to spent the rest of her life with..