Old and New Jokes!!!

[Big_Brother]

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?"

He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise'."

[Chief]

A man is caught in traffic when suddenly someone taps on the
window.

He lowered the window and asked what he wanted.

The man said: "President Emile Lahoud was kidnapped and the ransom
is $5 Million dollars, and that if the ransom is not paid, the
kidnappers have threatened to douse him with gasoline and set him on fire!

We are doing a collection, do you wish to participate?"

The man asked "on the average what are people giving?"

The man said "5 to 10 liters!"

[di]

Homasny people wer told that there is going to be an earthquake soon in Homas so they exchanged the Billboard of Homas to Cham and Cham to Homas

[FOUSH]

2el saro 127 neyib bi lebnen......
la2an Ahmad fatfat

[Chief]

The lebanese way

Conversation between Walid & his son.

Walid : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Walid : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Walid approaches Bill Gates.
Walid : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Walid : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Walid goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Walid : "I have a young man to
be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Walid : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done in Lebanon !!

[CedarLb]

Originally Posted by Liberty05

The lebanese way

Conversation between Walid & his son.

Walid : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Walid : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Walid approaches Bill Gates.
Walid : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Walid : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Walid goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Walid : "I have a young man to
be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Walid : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done in Lebanon !!

[Outlife]

Body: A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.

Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package? " The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy.

He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."

[coralie]

un cure qui se promene dans la nature est pris dans les sables mouvants
alors qu'il s'enfonce jusqu'aux chevilles un camion de pompier passe :
-vous avez besoin d'aide ?
- ce n'est pas necessaire , le seigneur me viendra en aide .
alors que le cure s'enfonce jusqu'a la ceinture le camion repasse les pompier lui redemandent:
- avez vous besoin d'aide ?
-ce n'est pas necessaire le seigneur me viendra en aide .
lorsque le cure n'a plus que la tete en dehors des sables les pompiers passent une 3eme fois :
-vous avez toujours pas besoin d'aide ????
-ce n'est pas necessaire le seigneur me viendra en aide !!!!
alors le cure s'enfonce completement et lorsqu'il arrive au paradis il dit au seigneur
- je suis vraiment decu , je pensais que vous me viendriez en aide !!!
et le seigneur lui repond
- je t'ai envoyer 3 fois les pompiers que faire de plus !!!!!!!!!!!

[coralie]

Abou El Abed was asked by his instructor to write an essay in English about any interesting encounter that happened recently with him. So he wrote in a classical translation from Arabic to English: From some 2 months 3 -I recognized a girl in the tooth of the elephant (sen el fil). She was other look and like the moon! Burn her religion (ye7re2 dina) what beautiful.
I tried to touch her pulse (dess mabada)to see if there is space and it appeared that she is interested. The first day I talked her on the phone and the second day she invited me on the lunch I asked her "what you kitchenized?" (shou teibkha) She said "some of his mother's yoghurt on the walking" (shwayyet laban emmo 3al meishi)
I liked her project and before I arrived to her, I went to the Milker (al 7allab) and bought some" lady's arms" (znoud l sett) and some "eat and say thank you" (kol w shkor) She opened me the door and when she saw the handsome (l 7elo) in my hand she said "yiiiii! your hands be safe why torture yourself my uncle?" (yii la shou 3azzabit 7alak ya 3ammi) While we are eating, rang the doorbell. She opened the door and entered her old boyfriend. He asked her "who is he?", she said "not your entry" (ma dakhlak) I knew straig he wanted to problemize it (baddo ymashkela) He said "my eye on you and on him, I will count God not create you!" (be7sob alla ma khala2ik)
I said "look, my head does not carry me (rasse mabyi7milne) break the evil before the gypsy milk goes up huh! Go pave the sea (ballet l ba7er) and bleach from my face now (7ill 3an wijje)!" The man felt on his blood(7ass 3a dammo) and left the room. In the truth, he poisoned my body (sammalei badanei) very much. But the girl gave breakfast to my nerves (rawwa2et a3sabi) She said "don't carry worry, (ma ti7mol ham) my life don't carry worry put your hands in cold water" I told her "like my foot, (metel ejrei) tell me, are you empty tonight? (fadye llayle)" She said "yes, I emptify myself for you". I told her "thank you my love, you are very digestible (mahdoumei).

[Caline]

Originally Posted by Outlife

A man asked his stupid man who vote in maten
- for who did u vote this year
- for Garbriel el Murr
- why r u with opposition?
- No but his brother khedemna bel zamenet

I just read this one , HILARIOUS!!!!!