Old and New Jokes!!!

[sarah_32]

Toni grew up in Beirut , then moved away
to attend college

of law in Oxford University.


He decided to come back to Beirut , because
he could not be a big man in Oxford.

He really wanted to impress everyone. So
he returned and opened his new law office.

The first day, he saw a man coming up the
sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he
arrived.



As the man came to the door Mr. Toni picked up the phone. He motioned the
man in, all while talking "No. Absolutely no. You tell those clowns
in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million. Yes.
The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling
the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.
Okay. Tell the State Prosecutor that I'll meet with him next week to discuss
the details."



This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man
sat patiently as Toni rattled instructions.


Finally, Toni put down the phone and turned
to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I"m
very busy.



What can I do for you?"


The man replied, "I'm from OGERO ,
I've come to connect your line".

[Abou Ali]

Originally Posted by sarah_32

Toni grew up in Beirut , then moved away
to attend college

of law in Oxford University.


He decided to come back to Beirut , because
he could not be a big man in Oxford.

He really wanted to impress everyone. So
he returned and opened his new law office.

The first day, he saw a man coming up the
sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he
arrived.



As the man came to the door Mr. Toni picked up the phone. He motioned the
man in, all while talking "No. Absolutely no. You tell those clowns
in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million. Yes.
The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling
the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.
Okay. Tell the State Prosecutor that I'll meet with him next week to discuss
the details."



This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man
sat patiently as Toni rattled instructions.


Finally, Toni put down the phone and turned
to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I"m
very busy.



What can I do for you?"


The man replied, "I'm from OGERO ,
I've come to connect your line".

My grandma used to tell me this joke in order to sleep
Fi shi we7deh a3ta2 ??

[Big_Brother]

Un gynécologue est devenu multi-milliardaire.

Il avait attrappé la maladie de parkinson.

[STeF]

Work vs Prison

IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell .
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 desk cubicle .

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day .
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it .

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior .
AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior .

IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you .
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors For yourself .

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games .
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games .

IN PRISON...you get your own toilet .
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat .

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit .
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family on the phone .

IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required .
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners .

IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens .
AT WORK...they are called managers .


Have a Great Day at WORK - I'm going to PRISON

[coralie]

Un couple se promène en auto à la campagne.
Suite à une discussion acerbe, ils ne se parlent pas.
Passant devant une ferme où on voit des ânes et des cochons, le mari
brise le silence et dit:
-"c'est ta parenté?"
Son épouse répond du tac au tac:
-"oui, du coté de mon mari".

[coralie]

Un homme lit le journal et dit à son épouse:
-savais-tu que les femmes utilisent 30,000 mots par jour et les
hommes 15,000.
La femme lui répond:
-c'est facile à expliquer, il faut toujours répéter deux fois la même
chose aux hommes.
L'homme se retourne vers celle-ci et dit:
-Quoi?

[coralie]

Un homme dit à son épouse:
- Comment le bon Dieu a-t-il pu te faire aussi belle et aussi stupide?
Celle-ci répond:
- Laisse-moi t'expliquer, Dieu m'a faite belle pour pouvoir
t'attirer. Et il m'a faite stupide pour que je te trouve attirant.

[coralie]

Suite à une chicane, un couple ne se parle plus. Aucun ne veut rompre
le silence.
Soudain le mari se rappelle qu'il doit se lever à 5:00 AM pour prendre
l'avion en vue d'un rendez-vous d'affaires important.
Il prend un bout de papier et écrit: éveille-moi à 5 hrs a-m, je dois
prendre l'avion. Il le place bien en vue.
Le lendemain il s'éveille à 9:00 AM. Furieux il se lève et aperçoit
un papier sur sa table de nuit.
Il lit: "il est 5:00, lève-toi."

[Lebanon_not_Arabic]

Bachar Assad goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and Bachar asks him what his name is?
- "Ali"
- "And what is your question, Ali?"
-"I have 3 questions:
1st, why did Syria rules Lebanon for over 15 years?
2nd, how is it possible you didn't know who killed Hariri if you were the ruler of Lebanon?
And 3rd, why did you leave Lebanon now?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. Bachar al Assad informs the kids that they will continue after recess. When they resume Bachar says:

- "OK, where were we? Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts up his hand. Bachar points him out and asks him what his name is?
- "Teddy"
- "And what is your question, Teddy?"
- "I have 5 questions:
1st, Why did Syria rules Lebanon for over 15 years?
2nd, how is it possible you didn't know who killed Hariri if you were the ruler of Lebanon?
3rd, why did you leave Lebanon now?
4th, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes earlier?!
And 5th

...... where is "Ali"?!!

[Halabe]

A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight.
Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders
the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two
very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats
with relish.
The next day he goes to the same restaurant again,
once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is
brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes
even more scrumptious.

The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on
the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the
specialty of the day, and they bring him two very
small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What
gives?"

And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't
always win!"