Old and New Jokes!!!

[coralie]

There was a Lebanese man, a Syrian man and Claudia Schiffer sitting
together in a carriage in a train going through the Provence Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Lebanese man were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Syrian man had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.
The Syrian man was thinking: "The Lebanese fella must have kissed Claudia
Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead." Claudia Schiffer was thinking: "The Syrian fella must have tried to kiss me
and actually kissed the Lebanese man and got slapped for it."
And the Lebanese was thinking: "This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that Syrian ******* again. "

[coralie]

Nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked,
Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed,"Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband!
That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail!
All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not!
You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, Well now. That's different.You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

[Black Stallion]

Walid Joumblat, Samir Geagea & Saad Hariri are flying on MEA.

Over Cyprus, Hariri turns to Joumblat & says, chuckling,"You know, I could throw a 100.000LL bill right now and make someone very happy.

Joumblat shrugs and reply, "Well, I could throw ten 10.000LL bills out the window and make ten people happy."

Feeling that he was not considered, and still being intelligent after 11 years in prison, Geagea says: "Hell, I could throw a hundred 1.000LL bills and make a hundred people happy."

The pilot overhearing this says to his co-pilot: "Such arrogant asses back there. Hey, I could throw them out the window, and make millions of people happy.

[coralie]

Dave returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife,Alma,that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.
Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.Six hours later, Dave went to Alma again, and said:
"Honey, now I Only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?"
Alma agreed And Again they made love.Later, Dave was getting into bed when he realised he now had only Eight hours of life left. He touched Alma's shoulder and said:
"Honey, please, just one more time before I die."
She agreed, then rolled over and fell asleep.
Dave, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours.
He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up:"Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said:"Listen Dave, I have to get up in the morning! You don't !!!"

[STeF]

Two Men from Syria were strolling along the main shopping street of Hamra in Beirut when they see a sign:

-Suits: LL 5 000 each (about $3.3)

-Shirts: LL 2 000 each (about $1.3)

-Trousers: LL 2 500 per pair ($1.6)

One says to his pal. "Hey, Look! These Lebanese must be stupid.We could buy a whole load of those, and when we get back to Syria,we could make us a fortune! "Now listen up. When we go into the shop you keep your mouth shut, eh!"Just let me do all the talking, 'cause if they hear our accent, they might try to rip us off. I'll be given them my best Lebanese accent."

They go in and the guy says, "Excuse me sir, I'll take 50 of your fine suits at LL 5 000 each, 100 shirts at LL 2 000 each, and 50 pair of trousers at LL 2 500 each. And I'll be taking those items with me today, if you don't mind."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You guys are from Syria, aren't you?"

"Yeh" says the Syrian, "how come you know?"

The owner says, "Because this is a dry-cleaner Ya Ajdab


i couldn't help posting it

[Diam'S]

Fi wahad chahat kabrite emet dabbet ghrada w fallet...

[FOMEA]

Top Five Smart@$$ Answers For 2005!

#5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."


#4: A lady was shopping for a turkey at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am they're dead."


#3: The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


#2: A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."




#1: A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart *** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is finally restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand!"

[Jean]

Originally Posted by Aounist Forever

Fi wahad chahat kabrite emet dabbet ghrada w fallet...

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooolllllllllllllllll lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

[Diam'S]

Fi wahad hab emo tahanou...

[Diam'S]

Fi wahde habbet tochtof...bas tochtof ma ken yhebaaaaaaaaaaa....