Old and New Jokes!!!

[Tanios]

What is the best way for a man to lose 60 kg of useless grease? - Divorce.

The top of optimism? - To imagine that a woman will hang the phone because she has just said "goodbye" to her friend.

Why the statue of freedom it is a woman? - It was necessary that the head is empty to build the restaurant there.

Which is the last thing which one could hear just before the Challenger shuttle explodes? - don't touch that, Sarah!

Silence is the only gold thing which women hate

bigamy consists in having a extra woman ;... monogamy too.

A woman to her husband:
- I have good and a bad news for you.
- Go ahead...
- I'm leaving to you, answers the woman. - Ah. And the bad news?

Do you know why certain women have a brain large like a pea? ... Because it can swell.

Did you know that 90% of the car accidents are causes by drunk men? - Yes, it is because they their wives were driving.

God created the animals, beautiful
God created nature, beautiful
God created man, beautiful
God created woman, "...she will make up herself", he said .

[Jean]

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.


How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.

[Outlife]

Ralph Lahoud, fils cadet du Président participe à un jeu télévisé "Le Millionaire" au cours duquel le candidat accumule de l'argent jusqu'à concurrence d'un million de dollars US. Le jeu prévoit que le candidat peut demander une seule fois l'aide d'une personne de son choix. Ralph traverse toutes les étapes avec succés sans aide et arrive à la question finale. Le meneur du jeu l'avertit qu'il s'agit d'une question très difficile: "Qui est le pire président que le Liban ait connu jusqu'à ce jour?" Petit Ralph réfléchit puis décide de faire usage de son droit à l'aide et demande pour celà son frère Emile Junior au téléphone et lui explique la situation: "Je vais gagner un million de US$ si je répond correctement à la question "qui est le pire président que le Liban ait connu jusqu'à ce jour" et je demande ton aide". Emile
Junior réfléchit un moment et répond: "Ralph, habibi, maalech, moi je te donne le million de US$, haram papa!"

[Jean]

great one man
ahla shi el nekat 3an lahoud (la vache qui rit)

[Abou Ali]

shou hiyyeh l Adimeh ya rors ??? .......

[Rors]

what are you talkin about layyouss? man you should get some sleep

(mni7a, u had me fooled for a sec )

[Jean]

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

[Black Stallion]

يوم من الأيام توجه فؤاد إبن المدينةإلى الريف " وإتفق مع فلاح
وإشترى حمارا بمئة دولار، على أن يستلم منه الحمار في اليوم التالي.

في الموعد المحدد للتسليم أتاه الفلاح وقال:
عندي خبر سيء. الحمار مات " إعذرني يا إبني في
أجابه فؤاد : " بسيطة ، رجعلي مصرياتي ".
قال الفلاح : " بس أنا صرفت المصاري ".
فؤاد : " كمان بسيطة ، بآخد منك الحمار الميت ".
سأله الفلاح : " وشو بدك تعمل بالحمار الميت ؟ ".
فؤاد : " بدي أعمل عليه سحب يانصيب ".
الفلاح : " معقول تعمل سحب يانصيب على حمار ميت؟!".
فؤاد : " إيه ليش لا، أنا ما راح خبّر حدا إنه ميت. إنتظر وشوف ".
وبعد مرور شهر إلتقى الفلاح بفؤاد وسأله : " شو صار بالحمار الميت
فؤاد : " عملت عليه سحب يانصيب، وبعت 500 بطاقة كل واحدة ثمنها
دولارين، وفي النهاية ربحت 998,00 دولار ".
الفلاح : " وما حدا إعترض ؟! ".
فؤاد: " ما حدا إعترض إلا الشخص الذي ربح السحب، فرجعتله الدولارين

ومرّت الأيام وكبر فؤاد وأصبح رئيس وزراء لبنان.

[coralie]

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the
hospital.While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.
Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up"? God said, "No, you have another
43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman
decided tostay in the hospital and have a face-lift, brow lift,lip
enhancement,boob job, liposuction, and a tummy tuck.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied, "Girrrlllllll, I didn't even recognize you!"

[di]

what looks like half a peiice of cheese????????




the other half