Old and New Jokes!!!

[Superman]

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Sorry, wrong door.
Okay.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Federal Express
Federal Express who?
I don’t know. I just deliver packages.

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Pizza delivery guy.
Pizza delivery guy who?
You ordered a pizza?
Yes.
I’m the guy delivering it.
Great.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
FBI!
…
…
Hello? FBI! Let us in!
…
…nobody here…
Oh. Let’s go boys!
(Phew!)

[Jean]

1 day there was tis naked man N elephant, da elephant looks at the naked man 4 a few seconds, then ask da naked man, HOW CAN U BREATH THRU THAT LITTLE THING?

[Jean]

A Homsi was looking at a painting 4 a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he answered - waitng 4 autumn.

[Jean]

What is the difference between telling stories to
women at the ages of 8, 18, 28, 38, 48 &58 ?

Age 08 - you take her to bed and tell her a story.

Age 18 - you tell her a story and take her to bed.

Age 28 - you don't need to tell her any story to take her to bed.

Age 38 - she tells you a story and takes you to bed.

Age 48 - you tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

Age 58 - you stay in bed all day to avoid her story.

[Superman]

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven.
However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit
33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the
worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in
turn and asks them about how they died.

First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was
cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one
afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When
I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife
was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't
find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place
I looked was out on the balcony.

I found the ******* hanging from the edge, trying to get back
in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he
yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer,
and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors
screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the *******. He
landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator from the
kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and
hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed
him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went
back into the bedroom and shot myself."

St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then,
telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.

Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this
apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning
exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the
sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily,
I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and
holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when
this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and
started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but
he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull
myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my
fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I
landed in some bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of
luck, but it didn't last. The last thing I saw was this enormous
refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and
crushing me."

[Superman]

Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheeze Whiz?

A: Cheeze Whuz.

[Fragrance of Roses]

Ya3ni Ya Tazman, nikatak wala 2abyakh!

[Superman]

Originally Posted by AbirWard

Ya3ni Ya Tazman, nikatak wala 2abyakh!

A friend of mine taught me something to say for such situations, and it goes like this: WHATEVER!!!

[Stella]

Originally Posted by tazzzi

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Sorry, wrong door.
Okay.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Federal Express
Federal Express who?
I don’t know. I just deliver packages.

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Pizza delivery guy.
Pizza delivery guy who?
You ordered a pizza?
Yes.
I’m the guy delivering it.
Great.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
FBI!
…
…
Hello? FBI! Let us in!
…
…nobody here…
Oh. Let’s go boys!
(Phew!)

I like these cute silly ones, Tazz! Did you happen to write these sitcoms by yourself?

[Mitzidupree]

A man is holding his wife's hand as she lays on her death bed. "Jerry, I, . . ., I have something to tell you before I pass on." "No, no, dear. Everything is forgiven now. All is well." "No, Jerry. I've been carrying this load for years now, and I must tell you. I, . . ., I've been unfaithful to you. I slept with your best friend, Phil. I'm so terribly sorry." "Yes, dear, I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"