Old and New Jokes!!! - Page 44 - The Orange Room

STeF

Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me.

If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila.

"Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Pedro looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one."

coralie

Fi wahad meche 3al tarik mesre3, wa'afo darakeh

Allo el-darakeh: chou bek mecheh bi ser3a? Mannak 3eref enno mamnou3'?

Allo el-zalameh: 7el 3anneh ya...

Al el-darakeh: rah a3mol fik zabet.

Eim el zalameh chel el fared w awaso. Meit el darakeh.

Daa' el-zalameh 3al 112 w allon: allo bonjour 112?

Elo: eh

Allon: serto 111

Big_Brother

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, 'Wash. Biol. Surv.' until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:

'Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible.'

Abou Ali

A male lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other
on a long flight from LA to New York. The lawyer leans over to
the blonde and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The
blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely
declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.

He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if
you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa."
Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some
sleep. The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will
easily win the match, so he makes another offer.
Okay, how about this, if you don't know the answer you pay me
only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there
will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play
the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out
a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air-phone with his modem
and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress.
Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back
to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the
blond and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and
comes down with four?"
Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse hands
the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

coralie

- as tu vu Nadine avec sa nouvelle robe ?

- Non qu'a-t-elle de particulier cette robe ?

- elle est decolletee de partout

- et quelle est la composition de cette fameuse robe ?

- mmmm , 20% coton, 10% polyester, et 70% Nadine ...

King Rami

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outlife

A 7omsi was searching the dictionary for the word "Dictionary".

He found this meaning : "Dictionary is the thing you are
holding, stupid..."

Wondering what the definition of stupid was, he searched for the
Word stupid, and found : "Is that you again ??!?

hahahahhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aa great joke...

fet 7omse 3a ma7all tv w sa2alo la sa7eb el ma7al:
3ndak Tv mlawwan
sa7eb el ma7all: akid
7omse: tine wa7ad a7mar bleez :D

old but gold :D

Abou Ali

There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

-SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past
thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
-SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
-SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most?
What can we do?
-SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
-SM: It's not working.
-SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing.
He started to walk faster, too.
-SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one
minute.
-SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical
arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to
Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

-SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
-SL: The only logical thing happened........ The man couldn't follow
us both,so he followed me
-SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
-SL: The only logical thing happened........ I started to run as fast
as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
-SM: And?
-SL: The only logical thing happened........ He reached me.
-SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
-SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
-SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
-SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
-SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
-SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster
than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys!

LebanonUSA

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana’s death.

Question: How come?

Answer:

An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine
driven by a Belgian
who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by a Filipino,
using Bill Gates’s - (an American)technology,
and you’re probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexicans

...and now being read by a Lebanese who should be working instead!

That, my friend, is Globalization

Abou Ali

One day a "Jamhour" fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
But little Elie was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in cabarets and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and make love with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Elie aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works at the presidential palace in Baabda and helped re-elect Emile Lahoud , but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

Abou Ali

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand hat you mean."
The American repeated, What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you . Are you a Chinese, Japanese,Vietnamese!, etc......???"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked:
What kind of 'kee' are you.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-kee' am I?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"