Old and New Jokes!!!

[Big_Brother]

You know you are Lebanese when

* You make Turkish coffee before leaving home, when getting to the office, after lunch, when having guests, before the guests leave, after the guests leave and before going to bed.

* When shops have sale they call your mom.

* You call an older person you've never met before "Ammo" or "Khaltu".

* You hide everything from your parents, but they still think they know everything about you, and make you believe that they actually do.

* People are never happy with what you've achieved. If you graduated from school they'll tell you "Oqbal el Shahadeh el kbeereh", and when u get that "Oqbal el Aroos or Areees", and when you get that "Oqbal ma nefrah be aoulad-kum", and when you get that "Oqbal ma tefrahu bi shahadit-hum", etc...

* If you are a boy you start worrying about the Swiss Mukhabarat when you reach puberty.

* Getting a visa to Europe or the States is like getting a baby, everybody tells you "mabrook"

* You learn how to beg the personnel at the airport to allow the excess baggage you've got as soon as your father stops doing that for you.

* You dream of holding a different passport.

* When you FLY BACK home you find 20 people waiting for you at the airport.

* Every time you fly back home you meet relatives you never knew existed, and they look nothing like your family.

* You look for universities as far away from home as possible.

* You always curse at Lebanese when you are back home, but when you live abroad you mostly make Lebanese friends.

* When you come back from University you still have to live with your parents, and fight over curfew all over again, as if you never left them before.

* Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

* Everyone is a family friend.

* You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

* You teach Westerners to swear words in your language.

* When you go on a date you start thinking of lousy places where nobody would go to so you won�t bump into family or friends.

* You end up in a lousy place and still bump into the relative with the biggest mouth.

* You think you are liberated when you can't even smoke in public.

* If you are 25 and not married yet, your parents make you feel that you are getting too old.

* Getting married becomes the only way you can escape your parents.

* You tell your friends how to rebel against their parents when you can't even stay out past midnight.

* You always say, "Open the light" instead of "Turn the light on" or "get down from the car" instead of "get out of the car."

* You pronounce your p's as b's (bebsi and bolice).

* You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk miles just to get to school.

* Your parents were ranked first in school.

* Your dad swears at you with words that affect him. (Ibnil kalb)

* You tell everyone that you are a "successful businessman back home" when you are really just an unemployed goat herder.

* You feel uncomfortable saying the word 'tease' in English.

* You eat mensef with your bare hands.

* You smoke as if there is no tomorrow and you only smoke MARLBORO REDS.

* You only walk on the streets in groups of seven or more people and talk really really loud in Lebanese together.

* You wear a black leather jacket, even when it is 100 degrees outside.

* You think its cool to dance and smoke at the same time.

* If you are a Lebanese girl you give the look of death to another Lebanese girl who looks better than you.

* Your aunt is always asking when she can dance at your wedding.

* When you share your problems with your relatives, their most likely response is: Allah Be Yefrejha.

[Orangina]

Originally Posted by Big_Brother

You know you are Lebanese when

* You make Turkish coffee before leaving home, when getting to the office, after lunch, when having guests, before the guests leave, after the guests leave and before going to bed.

* When shops have sale they call your mom.

* You call an older person you've never met before "Ammo" or "Khaltu".

* You hide everything from your parents, but they still think they know everything about you, and make you believe that they actually do.

* People are never happy with what you've achieved. If you graduated from school they'll tell you "Oqbal el Shahadeh el kbeereh", and when u get that "Oqbal el Aroos or Areees", and when you get that "Oqbal ma nefrah be aoulad-kum", and when you get that "Oqbal ma tefrahu bi shahadit-hum", etc...

* If you are a boy you start worrying about the Swiss Mukhabarat when you reach puberty.

* Getting a visa to Europe or the States is like getting a baby, everybody tells you "mabrook"

* You learn how to beg the personnel at the airport to allow the excess baggage you've got as soon as your father stops doing that for you.

* You dream of holding a different passport.

* When you FLY BACK home you find 20 people waiting for you at the airport.

* Every time you fly back home you meet relatives you never knew existed, and they look nothing like your family.

* You look for universities as far away from home as possible.

* You always curse at Lebanese when you are back home, but when you live abroad you mostly make Lebanese friends.

* When you come back from University you still have to live with your parents, and fight over curfew all over again, as if you never left them before.

* Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

* Everyone is a family friend.

* You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

* You teach Westerners to swear words in your language.

* When you go on a date you start thinking of lousy places where nobody would go to so you won�t bump into family or friends.

* You end up in a lousy place and still bump into the relative with the biggest mouth.

* You think you are liberated when you can't even smoke in public.

* If you are 25 and not married yet, your parents make you feel that you are getting too old.

* Getting married becomes the only way you can escape your parents.

* You tell your friends how to rebel against their parents when you can't even stay out past midnight.

* You always say, "Open the light" instead of "Turn the light on" or "get down from the car" instead of "get out of the car."

* You pronounce your p's as b's (bebsi and bolice).

* You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk miles just to get to school.

* Your parents were ranked first in school.

* Your dad swears at you with words that affect him. (Ibnil kalb)

* You tell everyone that you are a "successful businessman back home" when you are really just an unemployed goat herder.

* You feel uncomfortable saying the word 'tease' in English.

* You eat mensef with your bare hands.

* You smoke as if there is no tomorrow and you only smoke MARLBORO REDS.

* You only walk on the streets in groups of seven or more people and talk really really loud in Lebanese together.

* You wear a black leather jacket, even when it is 100 degrees outside.

* You think its cool to dance and smoke at the same time.

* If you are a Lebanese girl you give the look of death to another Lebanese girl who looks better than you.

* Your aunt is always asking when she can dance at your wedding.

* When you share your problems with your relatives, their most likely response is: Allah Be Yefrejha.

Very true!!! i like it

[ASHTAR]

Originally Posted by Big_Brother

You know you are Lebanese when

* You make Turkish coffee before leaving home, when getting to the office, after lunch, when having guests, before the guests leave, after the guests leave and before going to bed.

* When shops have sale they call your mom.

* You call an older person you've never met before "Ammo" or "Khaltu".

* You hide everything from your parents, but they still think they know everything about you, and make you believe that they actually do.

* People are never happy with what you've achieved. If you graduated from school they'll tell you "Oqbal el Shahadeh el kbeereh", and when u get that "Oqbal el Aroos or Areees", and when you get that "Oqbal ma nefrah be aoulad-kum", and when you get that "Oqbal ma tefrahu bi shahadit-hum", etc...

* If you are a boy you start worrying about the Swiss Mukhabarat when you reach puberty.

* Getting a visa to Europe or the States is like getting a baby, everybody tells you "mabrook"

* You learn how to beg the personnel at the airport to allow the excess baggage you've got as soon as your father stops doing that for you.

* You dream of holding a different passport.

* When you FLY BACK home you find 20 people waiting for you at the airport.

* Every time you fly back home you meet relatives you never knew existed, and they look nothing like your family.

* You look for universities as far away from home as possible.

* You always curse at Lebanese when you are back home, but when you live abroad you mostly make Lebanese friends.

* When you come back from University you still have to live with your parents, and fight over curfew all over again, as if you never left them before.

* Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

* Everyone is a family friend.

* You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

* You teach Westerners to swear words in your language.

* When you go on a date you start thinking of lousy places where nobody would go to so you won�t bump into family or friends.

* You end up in a lousy place and still bump into the relative with the biggest mouth.

* You think you are liberated when you can't even smoke in public.

* If you are 25 and not married yet, your parents make you feel that you are getting too old.

* Getting married becomes the only way you can escape your parents.

* You tell your friends how to rebel against their parents when you can't even stay out past midnight.

* You always say, "Open the light" instead of "Turn the light on" or "get down from the car" instead of "get out of the car."

* You pronounce your p's as b's (bebsi and bolice).

* You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk miles just to get to school.

* Your parents were ranked first in school.

* Your dad swears at you with words that affect him. (Ibnil kalb)

* You tell everyone that you are a "successful businessman back home" when you are really just an unemployed goat herder.

* You feel uncomfortable saying the word 'tease' in English.

* You eat mensef with your bare hands.

* You smoke as if there is no tomorrow and you only smoke MARLBORO REDS.

* You only walk on the streets in groups of seven or more people and talk really really loud in Lebanese together.

* You wear a black leather jacket, even when it is 100 degrees outside.

* You think its cool to dance and smoke at the same time.

* If you are a Lebanese girl you give the look of death to another Lebanese girl who looks better than you.

* Your aunt is always asking when she can dance at your wedding.

* When you share your problems with your relatives, their most likely response is: Allah Be Yefrejha.

I am sorry ... but all what U have said does not match with me : what does that make me ?

NOT LEBANESE ?

[Big_Brother]

I am sorry ... but all what U have said does not match with me : what does that make me ?
NOT LEBANESE ?

If you never called an older person "3ammo" then you are surely not lebanese.

[ASHTAR]

Originally Posted by Big_Brother

If you never called an older person "3ammo" then you are surely not lebanese.

No I have never called an older person "3ammo" BUT I do have a Lebanese Passport which make me definetely LEBANESE.

[Mared]

Originally Posted by Big_Brother

You know you are Lebanese when

* You make Turkish coffee before leaving home, when getting to the office, after lunch, when having guests, before the guests leave, after the guests leave and before going to bed.

* When shops have sale they call your mom.

* You call an older person you've never met before "Ammo" or "Khaltu".

* You hide everything from your parents, but they still think they know everything about you, and make you believe that they actually do.

* People are never happy with what you've achieved. If you graduated from school they'll tell you "Oqbal el Shahadeh el kbeereh", and when u get that "Oqbal el Aroos or Areees", and when you get that "Oqbal ma nefrah be aoulad-kum", and when you get that "Oqbal ma tefrahu bi shahadit-hum", etc...

* If you are a boy you start worrying about the Swiss Mukhabarat when you reach puberty.

* Getting a visa to Europe or the States is like getting a baby, everybody tells you "mabrook"

* You learn how to beg the personnel at the airport to allow the excess baggage you've got as soon as your father stops doing that for you.

* You dream of holding a different passport.

* When you FLY BACK home you find 20 people waiting for you at the airport.

* Every time you fly back home you meet relatives you never knew existed, and they look nothing like your family.

* You look for universities as far away from home as possible.

* You always curse at Lebanese when you are back home, but when you live abroad you mostly make Lebanese friends.

* When you come back from University you still have to live with your parents, and fight over curfew all over again, as if you never left them before.

* Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

* Everyone is a family friend.

* You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

* You teach Westerners to swear words in your language.

* When you go on a date you start thinking of lousy places where nobody would go to so you won�t bump into family or friends.

* You end up in a lousy place and still bump into the relative with the biggest mouth.

* You think you are liberated when you can't even smoke in public.

* If you are 25 and not married yet, your parents make you feel that you are getting too old.

* Getting married becomes the only way you can escape your parents.

* You tell your friends how to rebel against their parents when you can't even stay out past midnight.

* You always say, "Open the light" instead of "Turn the light on" or "get down from the car" instead of "get out of the car."

* You pronounce your p's as b's (bebsi and bolice).

* You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk miles just to get to school.

* Your parents were ranked first in school.

* Your dad swears at you with words that affect him. (Ibnil kalb)

* You tell everyone that you are a "successful businessman back home" when you are really just an unemployed goat herder.

* You feel uncomfortable saying the word 'tease' in English.

* You eat mensef with your bare hands.

* You smoke as if there is no tomorrow and you only smoke MARLBORO REDS.

* You only walk on the streets in groups of seven or more people and talk really really loud in Lebanese together.

* You wear a black leather jacket, even when it is 100 degrees outside.

* You think its cool to dance and smoke at the same time.

* If you are a Lebanese girl you give the look of death to another Lebanese girl who looks better than you.

* Your aunt is always asking when she can dance at your wedding.

* When you share your problems with your relatives, their most likely response is: Allah Be Yefrejha.

I agree with your list...except the two points that I highlighted...

with all due respect I guess those are features of being an "arab" but not lebanese....(I'm not saying Lebanese are not Arabs)..just saying that those are the main two points that differentiate a lebanese from another arabic person...

Mared,

[coralie]

Originally Posted by Big_Brother

If you never called an older person "3ammo" then you are surely not lebanese.

im lebanese ,.. of course im !!! still i never call a stranger to me old or younger 3ammo or an strange woman (not related to me ) tante !!!! still im pure Lebanese

[Big_Brother]

Originally Posted by coralie

im lebanese ,.. of course im !!! still i never call a stranger to me old or younger 3ammo or an strange woman (not related to me ) tante !!!! still im pure Lebanese

3an jadd ? what do u call your friend's parents the first time you meet them ?

[coralie]

Originally Posted by Big_Brother

3an jadd ? what do u call your friend's parents the first time you meet them ?

i call them "monsieur" and "madame" .. i guess this is more polite ! cause they are not relatives they just are my friends parents and when im close to those ppl i just call them by their names without tante or 3ammo !!! simple !

[coralie]

Originally Posted by Big_Brother

3an jadd ? what do u call your friend's parents the first time you meet them ?

i call them "monsieur" and "madame" .. i guess this is more polite ! cause they are not relatives they just are my friends parents and when im close to those ppl i just call them by their names without tante or 3ammo !!! simple !