Old and New Jokes!!!

[El-Meghwar]

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

[El-Meghwar]

After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences.

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: Basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: Bowling.

3. The sport of choice for front line workers is: Football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: Baseball.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is: Tennis.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: Golf.

Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller the balls are.

[El-Meghwar]

There were three men in a bar. All three were sitting at the bar stool and one got up to use the bathroom. The other two men started talking. One man said, "So what's new in your life?"

The other responded, "Well I just found out my son got a promotion. He used to be a janitor at the bank and now he is an executive. On top of that there's someone special in his life. He just bought his new love a brand new Lexus."

The other man says, "My son also got a promotion and he has decided to settle down. He bought his new love a new house on the beach."

The third man comes back from the bathroom. He looked kind of upset so the other two men asked what's eating him. He responded, "I just found out that my son is gay. The good part is his lover bought him a brand new Lexus and a new house on the beach."

[coralie]

did poste this one before but i just recieved it in my mail today in a diffrent shape .
^
^
^

Le courant du Futur confirme que le programme de réforme du ‘’CPL’’ aouniste et le sien sont presque identiques (à 95 %)

Toutefois, il n’a pas rédigé vraiment son propre programme. Savez-vous pourquoi ?

Réponse : il n’en a pas besoin, la preuve :

C’est qu’il a adopté le même texte que celui du CPL, mais à lire à l’envers

Vous voulez voir comment ?

Les grandes lignes du programme du CPL :

***
Dans notre parti politique, nous accomplissons ce que nous promettons.
Seuls les imbéciles peuvent croire que
nous ne lutterons pas contre la corruption.
Parce que, il y a quelque chose de certain pour nous:
L'honnêteté et la transparence sont fondamentales pour atteindre nos idéaux.
Nous démontrons que c'est une grande stupidité de croire que
les mafias continueront à faire partie du gouvernement comme par le passé.
Nous assurons, sans l'ombre d'un doute, que
la justice sociale sera le but principal de notre mandat.
Malgré cela, il y a encore des gens stupides qui s'imaginent que
l'on puisse continuer à gouverner
avec les ruses de la vieille politique.
Quand nous assumerons le pouvoir, nous ferons tout pour que
soit mis fin aux situations privilégiées et au trafic d'influences
nous ne permettrons d'aucune façon que
nos enfants meurent de faim
nous accomplirons nos desseins même si
les réserves économiques se vident complètement
nous exercerons le pouvoir jusqu'à ce que
vous aurez compris qu'à partir de maintenant
nous sommes le parti libéral fédéral, la "nouvelle politique".
***

Et maintenant, pour voir comment le programme du Courant du Futur ressemble à hauteur de 95 % au programme du CPL, lisez le texte en commençant par la dernière ligne et en remontant ligne par ligne jusqu'au début....
La ressemblance est surprenante !!! Non !?

[Diam'S]

al el 7omse ara ytawer el helicopter...em chel el marwa7a rakkab AC

[coralie]

Originally Posted by Aounist Forever

al el 7omse ara ytawer el helicopter...em chel el marwa7a rakkab AC

mahdoumehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahha

[coralie]

Un couple est dans le salon. La femme prend la parole :
- Chérie, je voudrais partir en vacances
- Hum où ?
- Dans un endroit chaud ou je ne suis jamais allée
- Ok si je récapitule : Tu voudrais aller dans un endroit où tu n'es jamais allée et où il fait chaud ?
- OUI
- Alors va dans la cuisine !

[7-ayyar]

une maitresse qui apprenait aux eleves la conjugaison demande a TOTO (un eleve):
_"j'etais belle" -est a l'imparfait-...."je suis belle" est koi ??
_c'est un mensonge demoiselle...........

[BEPSEH]

مدرس كيمياء رزق بولد .... فسماه سامي أكسيد الكربون

واحد ضاق خلقه ........ عطاه لأخوه الصغير

اثنين مـدراء ... واحــد عــام ... وواحــد غـــرق

لأستاذ: في اي فصل يسقط المطر ؟؟التلميذ: في الفصل الذي ليس له سقف ياأستاذ


واحد محشش ......يطالع في واحد فوق عينه حبة خال..... ويقول له : بالله عليك هذي عين والا غين ؟

واحد قصير...... اهله مايخلونه يدخن في البيت ؟؟؟ يخافون يحرق الفرشة

عجوز نبت لها ثالول في راس خشمها ...... فرحت ؟ تحسبه حبة شباب

واحد كسول ....جداً راح للحلاق وجلس على الكرسي منزل راسه .....قال له الحلاق ...شعر ولا دقن ...قال الكسول دقن ...قال له الحلاق ارفع راسك.... قال الكسول لا خليه شعر


أحول...... سجل في الجيش ...... حطوه في قسم القصف العشوائي

اثنين ساكنين في خيمة وراقدين على ظهورهم بالليل ناظر الأول للسما وقال للثاني وش تشوف ؟ قال اشوف نجوم كثيرة.... قال هذا وش يدل علية ؟ قال الثاني : ان فيه مجرات وكواكب غيرنا في هالكون . قال الأول هذا يدل ان سقف خيمتنا انسرق ياغبي

ولد يسأل ابوه .... هل الحب اعمى ؟؟؟ رد عليه ابوه .. وقال : شوف امك وانت تعرف

فيه قروي لما ينام يحط الساعة في الدولاب ويقفل عليها ... ليش ؟؟ يخاف تلدغه عقاربها

فيه اثنين راحو مع بعض ....... جاء بعض وخلاهم لحالهم


فيه واحد راح لراس الشارع ...... لقاه اصلع

واحد يحب يشرب القهوه في الحمام ليش ....... يحب يشربها على الريحه

فيه اثنين ركبوا سيارة ........ واحد ساق ......... واحد فخذ

واحد دخل الملعب معه ملعقه......... ليش ؟؟ يبي يحرك اللعب

نملة تزوج أم أربع و أربعين ما توفق معها ....ليش ؟؟.... ما عرف اي رجل يرفعها

واحد جا له ولد و صار عمره خمس سنين و ما يتكلم ...... في يوم الولد تكلم .... و قال : خالو....ثاني يوم ..... مات خالو .... بعد اسبوع .... قال : اخوي ...... ثاني يوم ..... مات اخوه ....... و بعد اسبوع قال : بابا ..... الاب كتب وصيته على اساس انه بيموت ثاني يوم ....... مات جارهم

في واحد نام متأخر ........ فاته الحلم


ميكانيكي أشترى سرير ....... نام تحته

[Diam'S]

WHAT HAPPEN WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH:
A chef? (You get buttered up)
A chauffeur?(You got taken for a ride)
A gambler?(He cheats on you)
A telephone operator?(He gives you a phone-y line)
A trashman?(He dumps you)
A clockmaker?(He two-times you)
A pastry cook?(He desserts you)
A shoe salesman?(He walks all over you)
An elevator operator?(He lets you down)
An artist?(He gives you the brush)
A jogger?(He gives you the run-around)