Old and New Jokes!!!

[coralie]

SUPELEC ur funny real funny it was a really good one

[coralie]

Colette et Nicole sont deux amies de longue date.
Elles sont toutes deux mariées depuis plus de 25 ans.
Colette est vexée parce qu'elle pense que son mari ne la trouve plus attirante désormais. Elle se plaint:
"Je sais bien que je deviens de plus en plus vieille, mais il ne se donne même plus la peine de me regarder!"
Nicole tente faussement de la réconforter:
"Je suis désolée pour toi. J'ai de la chance, le mien n'arrête pas de me dire que je deviens de plus en plus belle chaque jour."
Et l'autre:
"Oui, mais tu oublies que ton mari est antiquaire..."

[PhoenixResurrection]

A school teachers asked her students :"What is a Hmar (donkey)"?
One student replied: An animal with big ears
Teacher: No dear, the elephant has also big ears. What is a specific description of a Hmar

Another student answered: An animal with a long tail
Teacher: No.. No the lion also has a long tail. I want to know what is Particular in a Hmar.

The students were quite lost by this time. Yet one cared to venture a guess.
Student3: Maybe an animal that can carry bags and stuff.?
Teacher: No a Horse can do that. So does Anyone know what is the specific description of a Hmar..

The students just gave up and could find the right answer
Until a little girl replied:
I know ma'm. A Hmar is every person that would believe Walid Jumblat from now on.

Courtesy of Charbel Khalil. :-)

[Outlife]

A first grade teacher tells her class that she is Syrian. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Syrian too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, all the students raise their hands.
There is, however, one exception: A girl named Maha has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not a Syrian." replies Maha
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Lebanese," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little upset now. She asks Maha why she is Lebanese.
"My mom and dad are Lebanese, so I'm Lebanese too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"
There's a pause and Maha answers with a smile: "Then, I'd be a Syrian."

[Outlife]

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks what they do there. He is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Lebanese hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks: "What do they do here?"
He is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Lebanese devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells- why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work; someone stole all the nails, and the devil used to be a government employee, so he comes in, punches his time-card and then goes back home..."

[cedars]

My dear friends ken fi tnen mkhayymin 3ala talleh, fa hol ass7abna te3bou ktir w nemou. Fe2 awwal we7ed hek chi se3a 3 w noss belleil w fayya2 el teni w allou, lek oum oum, chou bte3nilak hal njoum bel sama? fa talla3 fi el teni w allou halla2 menchen hek fayya2etni, allou akid hal njoum bte3ni el esstemrariyyeh, wel a7lem yalli baddna n7a22e2a wel..... fa raddd 3leh sa7bou, allou ya3ni ma bte3nilak ennou el khaymeh nsara2et? :D

[cedars]

*al lech el homsi el zghir azka men el homsi el kbir?
la2annou ma sarlou zamen homsi :P

*fi we7ed allou lal teni inta 3ajebne am radd 3leh el teni w allou inta 3a labneh :P

*kif el SEX 3al tari2a el felestiniyyeh: Ghazzeh --->fate7--->Hamass---->Intifadah---->Jinin

[Outlife]

once they told to a homsi that in china every two minute a baby born

so he being surprised and said: ouffff el tatawor ne7na kel 9 month ta yekhla2 wa7ad

[cedars]

there was a guy who is really fed up with the syrians (rassou ma ba2a ye7melou mennon) and wanted them to quit lebanon immidiatly (thanks god they r out now :P), so he went up a Hill and started shouting: what r these *** doing here, we want them out, we want no syrians in lebanon anymore, then he noticed a "Fenouss" under a tree, so he took it and "ballach yi7effou (lal fenouss tab3an)" then a genie appeared and said:"Chebbayk lebbayk ana 3abdak bayn idayk, tlob menni w ma 3layk" so the man turned very happy and told the genie, plz make sure all the syrians go out of lebanon now, so the genie answered:"Léh chou 3amlinlak ne7naaaaaa khayyooooooooo?" :D

[JoeFPM]

a hosmi kid once asked his mum...mama..when my friends will grow up, with who am i gunna f***in play?