Old and New Jokes!!!

[Outlife]

it's for u tazzzzzi

u know why god create the *** horizontal not vertical

to don't applaude when u get down on the stairway

[Superman]

hahahahaha, and why for me 3ammo :DDDD

[Spawn Of Cthullu]

While returning from Lebanon to Syria, a syrian soldier saw a " Rafic el 7ariri lam yamot, innahou 7ayy fi kouloubina " pancart . Outraged, the soldier yelled : " Lakan shloon 2aloolna innou mat ? "

[someone]

في واحد حمصي بدو يعمل عملية أنتحارية آم عمل بروفا قبل بنهار

ماهو قمة الوفاء ؟؟؟
فيل تجوز نملة مات الفيل قضت النملة كل عمرا عم تدفن الفيل


مطهر بدو يعمل موقع على الانترنت شو سماه ؟
www.farfoura.cut



اثنين تنابل واحد قله للتاني ياريت في زر نكبسه بيطلعنا كل شي .....قله التاني ياريت ها الزر بينكبس لحاله


واحد بخيل ..تزوج راح على شهر العسل لوحده



دخل حرامي على بنك وقال ..الكل منبطحاً فكلهم رفعوا إيدهم إلا واحد و عم يضحك فقال الحرامي يخرب بيتك ليش عم تضحك ..قال انت

أصلك حمصي قال إي..قال لأنه هذا بنك دم


حمصي ماشي بالشارع، قام شاف سيارة عليها لوحة مكتوب عليها: " احذر الدهان "... قام وقف و صفن شوي و فكر، وقال :

آآآه...أزرق

[Outlife]

One day Claudia Schiffer was visiting Beirut. Accompanied by a guide she saw all the touristy attractions. The guide then asked her if there is anything else else she wanted to see, She said that she wanted to meet a typical Lebanese. The guide decided that the most typical Lebanese is Abu El Abed (AA), so he took here to AA who was having his nargila at his favorite coffee shop near Rawcheh.

In the conversation with AA, Claudia remarked that she loves Lebanon, but the only problem is that there are too many religions and sects in Lebanon. "There is only one God, why have him represented by so many sects and religions fighting each other," she remarked.

AA replied, "You are wrong Claudia there is more than one God.

Claudia wondered, "What do you mean there is more than one God "

AA, "Of course, there is more than one God, do you mean to tell me that the God who created you is the same one that created Em El Abed. "

[aloux]

One time someone went to Homs, but he found it empty ,why ?
Because all of Homsi people were distributed in jokes.

[aloux]

Q: How do you keep a Homsi busy A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

[aloux]

A Homsi, an Italian and a Russian were sent out on a challenge to catch a Rabbit in the forest and the one that catch a rabbit with the faster time got $1000. The Italian caught a rabbit in 6 hours, the Russian took about 20 hours, the Homsi stayed in the forest for few days, eventually they went after him to see if he was still OK, they found hanging a little cat with its legs on a tree and he was beating here up and telling her: ADMIT THAT YOU'RE A RABBIT.

[JoeFPM]

These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court."
>
>These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down
>and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm
>while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>
>
>
>Q: What is your date of birth?
>A: July fifteenth.
>
>Q: What year?
>A: Every year.
>
>_________________________________________________ _________________
>
>
>
>Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
>morning?
>A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>
>Q: And why did that upset you?
>A: My name is Susan.
>_________________________________________________ ___________________
>
>
>Q: And where was the location of the accident?
>A: Approximately milepost 499.
>
>
>Q: And where is milepost 499?
>A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
>
>_________________________________________________ ___________________
>
>Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't
>know about it until the next morning?
>_________________________________________________ ___________________
>
>Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
>_________________________________________________ _________________
>
>Q: She had three children, right?
>A: Yes.
>
>Q: How many were boys?
>A: None.
>Q: Were there any girls?
>_________________________________________________ ___________________
>Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>A: By death.
>Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>_________________________________________________ ______________
>Q: Can you describe the individual?
>A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>Q: Was this a male or a female?
>_________________________________________________ ___________________
>
>
>Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>_________________________________________________ ___________________
>
>Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>
>Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
>_________________________________________________ ___________________
>
>Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
>A: No.
>
>Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>A: No.
>
>Q: Did you check for breathing?
>A: No.
>
>Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
>autopsy?
>A: No.
>
>Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>
>Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
>A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
>somewhere

[copter7]

Suplec,
Man, that really made me laugh.
Thanks