Old and New Jokes!!!

[coralie]

Un petit garçon demande à sa maman :
- Maman, comment naissent les petits garçons ?
- Dans les choux mon cœur, répond la mère.
- Et ma petite sœur, comment elle est née ?
- Dans une rose, répond à nouveau la maman
Quelques temps plus tard, le petit garçon entre dans la chambre de ses parents et les voit en pleine action. C'est alors qu'il leur dit:
- Alors, on jardine??

[Outlife]

a homsi was participating in a tv prog the presenteter ask him 2*2
homsi : 5
homsi's public: give him another chance give him another chance
pres: ok 2*2
homsi: 6
homsi's public: give him another chance give him another chance
pres: ok ok 2*2
homsi: 4
homsi's public: give him another chance give him another chance

[Lebanon_not_Arabic]

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you
will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

You are in Beirut, Ras Manara to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris.

....You move closer . . . somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is.

It's General Emile Lahoud himself!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under... forever.

You have two options--you can save the life of Emile Lahoud or You can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of Lebanon's most powerful men.

So here's the question, and please give an honest answer:
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Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

[Superman]

Already discussed LNA...

[coralie]

ahhhhhhhhhh !!! les enfants !!!!!!!!!!!!

La mère qui entre dans la chambre de sa fille et voit une lettre sur son lit.
Craignant le pire, elle commence à la lire en tremblant des mains :

Maman,
C'est avec regrets et peine que je t'apprends que je me suis enfuie avec mon nouveau copain.
J'ai trouvé la vraie passion et il est si gentil, avec tous ses piercing, ses tatous et sa grosse moto.
Ce n'est pas tout maman, je suis enceinte !
J'ai appris que la marijuana ne faisait de mal à personne et nous en ferons donc la culture pour nous et ses amis, qui nous approvisionnent déjà en cocaïne et en ecstasy.
Aussi, je prie pour que la science trouve un remède contre le sida de Bobby afin qu'il aille mieux, il le mérite tant!
Ne crains rien maman, j'ai 15 ans et je sais comment prendre soin de moi.

Ta fille,
Judith

PS : Maman, tout ça est faux. Je suis chez les voisins. Je voulais juste que tu saches qu'il y a pire que mon bulletin scolaire, que tu trouveras dans le tiroir de mon bureau... Je t'aime

[Tanios]

Un maronite en a assez de sa religion et souhaite se convertir à l'islam. Il va trouver son évêque qui lui dit : "mais si tu en as assez d'être maronite, reste au moins chrérien, convertis-toi et deviens Grce orthodoxe" Et l'autre de répondre :"ha non, je ne suis pas fâché à ce point".

[ARMENO]

Originally Posted by Souriez

HEY guys did you notice that there are some jokes that we cannot say about the Syrians anymore!
Like this one:
A Japanese, An American A Lebanese & A Syrian were on boat.
The boat was too loaded so the captain asks to through things in the sea so it gets lighter and be saved from sinking.
The American through his computer and a bag full of dollar bills! every one goes: man that is crazzy, how do you through that?? He replies, We got a lot of it in the USA.
The Japanese throughs a stereo system, and some other electronics, the same every one says man how do u through that..... he says we got plenty of it in Japan!
The Lebanese through the Syrian!! They go how come you through him!! He says we have a lot of them in Lebabon..

I know a very similar joke like your's it's like this:

An american,a scot, a german and a turkish business men were on train,The American gave the others Marlboro cigarettes and throw the the remaining pocket from the window, then the scot fill the glasses with whiskey and throw the remaining bottle from the window, the German didn't know what to do first,he looked around then he throw the turkish guy from the window (they have a lot there)

[cedarheart]

Abo El Abed: "Ya emm el abed when i shave i feel like i'm in my twenties"
Emm El Abed: "dakhilak abo el abed, from now on please shave before you come to bed"

[Outlife]

A homsi intelligent agent was on the demo of the tayyar u know why???

he was taking the name of the aounist people :o)

[Tanya]

Why did the chicken cross the road?? Lebanese version

Emile Lahoud:

First of all I'd rather answer the question that each one of you is asking himself. Why is the chicken in Lebanon? Well, all that I can say now is that the presence of the chicken in Lebanon is legal and temporary.

Rafiq El-Hairi:

Your information is not completely accurate. I am here to inform you that the chicken actually was killed when crossing the road. Let this be a reminder to you all that the balad is mashi and it will smash everything that will stand in its way.

Mariam Nour:

What is a road? What is a chicken? A chicken is a road and a road is a chicken! Wake up ya a'arab. This is a big lie, a conspiracy. Watch the "a chicken for a new America" video and you'll know the truth. The truth is within every enlightened one of us whether he is a man, a woman, a chicken or a road. And after all, the fate of the water drop is to join the big ocean.

Kornet Chehwan:

Maybe there were independence, sovereignty and freedom on the other side of the road.

Elias El-Murr (in a press conference):

The general security forces have been watching every little move of this chicken in the last few days. As a matter of fact, this chicken turned out to be a rooster with long feathers. Satellite images taken of this suspect has proved that his boy is totally covered with weird diabolical tattoos. We are now very certain that he is somehow related to a satanic group. And one ritual of this group is to cross the road.

Fayrouz:

First of all this is not a chicken. It is "hajal Sannine" who lives in "mayssel rim" and was just visiting his grandma in "Kahloon". But I know who is spreading all these rumors. It is "Rajeh".

Michel Aoun:

I am totally against the presence of any chicken in Lebanon. The chicken troops must retreat from Lebanon now. And one final word: "Baddna n'oul el ha'i'a, eddjejeh ma minti'a".

Fouad Siniora:

Ha ha ha?ha ha ha. Such a dumb chicken ! Does she really believe that by moving to the other side of the road she can escape from taxes?

Said Akel:

After inventing the alphabet and spreading the glorious Phoenician civilization all over the world, Lebanon, once again, proves to the whole world that despite being a small country, it is capable of leading all the humanity to higher levels of culture and knowledge by producing this, what I like to call, "chicken culture".

Nasser Qandil:

Let's assume hypothetically that the chicken crossed the road. Then this will directly lead to the fact that there is a road and a chicken in Lebanon. Now, have anyone of you thought from where did Lebanon get this chicken and his road, keeping in mind that he is a poor country that suffered of war for many, many years? Yes, you're right, this road and this chicken are donations of a neighboring country, which is very closely related to us. It's like our brother or our sister if you want. Therefore, we should?

Walid Joumblat: (Before the elections)

I am here to say that I totally support the courageous decision that this heroic chicken took to cross the road. We have always demanded a repositioning of the chicken groups in Lebanon.

(After the elections) We completely condemn this careless act taken by this stupid chicken. Every chicken must stand still in its place.

And foreseeing the danger threatening the region, I call for an increase in the number of chickens all over the Lebanese territories.

Sleiman ElZghir:

I am here to deny the fact that the chicken crossed the road. For your information, there is no chicken in Lebanon whatsoever. I shot them all back when I was three years old.

Haifa Wehbeh:

Hihihi?yes, I saw a picture of this chicken on the news. It is so small I like chickens. In fact, I have two BIG chickens that I carry them with me wherever I go. I love them very much. And I think that every man in Lebanon loves them too.