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  (#151 (permalink)) Old
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Default Re: New jokes - 1st May 2005

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm coralie mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

bass n'ai pas peur nous les hommes on ne mettera meme pas de cheque;)
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  (#152 (permalink)) Old
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Default Re: New jokes - 2nd May 2005

thank u metallica for ur help.
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  (#153 (permalink)) Old
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Default Re: New jokes - 2nd May 2005

Hows this for a joke, you may know it:

Lebanese Confidence Cannot Be Shaken...
George Bush was sitting in his oval office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr. Bush", said a heavily accented voice. "This is Abu-l-Abed, down here at 'ahwet l-Rawche. I am callin' to tell you dat we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well Archie," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Abul Abed, after a moment's calculation "there is myself, my cousin Maroun, my next-door-neighbor Abu Yussef, and the whole team from the 'ahwe. That makes eight!"
Bush paused. "I must tell you Abu-l-Abed, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Holy jeez," said Abu-l-Abed. "I'll have ta call you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Abu-l-Abed called again. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Abul Abed?", Bush asked.
"Well sir, we have two Mercedes 180, and a truck."
Bush sighed. "I must tell you Abu-l-Abed, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Ya lateef", said Abu-l-Abed, "I'll be getting back to you."

Sure enough, Abu-l-Abed rang again the next day. "Mr. B, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We modified a helicopter wiz a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four more neighbors have joined us as well!"
Bush was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Abu-l-Abed that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Lah lah lah lah," said Abul Abed, "I'll have to call you back."

Sure enough, Abu-l-Abed called again the next day. "Mr. Bush! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well, sir," said Abu-l-Abed, "we all sat down and had a long chat, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

:D
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Default Re: New jokes - 3rd May 2005

Outlife, waiting for u to post the joke u heard tonight :DDDD
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  (#155 (permalink)) Old
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Default Re: New jokes - 3rd May 2005

[quote=marina]coralie nice jokes!
[quote]Ne jamais sous-estimer l'intelligence et le pragmatisme d'une femme
Quote:
true!

oui Marina !!! a bon entendeur salut !!.... faut jamais nous sous estimer !!!!.....
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Default Re: New jokes - 3rd May 2005

Lettre d'Antoinette a son fils

Cher fils,

Je t'écris ces lignes pour que tu saches que je t'écris.
Alors, si tu reçois cette lettre, c'est qu'elle est bien arrivée.
Si tu ne la reçois pas, tu me préviens pour que je te la renvoie.
Je t'écris lentement parce que je sais que tu ne lis pas trés vite.

L'autre jour, ton père a lu que selon les enquêtes la plupart des
accidents arrivent à 1 km de la maison, ainsi nous nous sommes
décidés à déménager plus loin. La maison est superbe ; elle a une
machine à laver, mais je ne suis pas sûre qu'elle fonctionne. Hier,
j'ai mis le linge dedans, j'ai tiré la chasse et je n'ai plus revu
le linge depuis, mais bon.

Le temps ici n'est pas trop mauvais. La semaine dernière il a plu
seulement deux fois. La première fois, la pluie a duré 3 jours,
la deuxième 4.

A propos de la veste que tu voulais, ton oncle Pierre m'a dit que
si nous te l'envoyions avec les boutons, comme ils sont lourds, ça
coûterait plus cher ; alors, nous avons enlevé les boutons et les
avons mis dans la poche.

Nous avons enfin enterré ton grand-père ; nous avons trouvé son corps
lors du déménagement. Il était dans l'armoire depuis le jour ou il
a gagné en jouant à cache-cache.

Je te raconte que l'autre jour, il y a eu une explosion à gaz dans
la cuisine, et ton père et moi sommes sortis propulsés dans l'air
au dehors de la maison ; quelle émotion ! C'est la première fois
que ton père et moi sortons ensemble depuis des années.
Le médecin est venu à la maison pour voir si nous étions bien et il
m'as mis un tube en verre dans la bouche. Il m'a dit de la fermer
pendant 10 minutes, ton père lui a proposé de lui racheter le tube.

Et puisqu'on parle de ton père, je t'annonce qu'il a du travail, il
en est fière, il travaille au-dessus d'a peu près 500 personnes.
Ils l'ont pris pour couper le gazon dans le cimetière.

Ta soeur Julie, celle qui s'est mariée avec son mari, elle a enfin
mis au monde, mais on ne sait pas encore le sexe, je ne saurais pas
te dire si tu es oncle ou tante.

Ton père a demandé à ta soeur Lucie si elle est enceinte, elle lui
a dit oui, de 5 mois déja ; mais là, ton père a demandé si elle était
sûre qu'il était d'elle. Lucie lui a dit que oui. Quelle fille solide,
quelle fierté, tel père, telle fille.

Ton cousin Paul s'est marié et il prie tous les jours devant sa femme,
parce qu'elle est vierge.

Par contre, on n'a plus revu l'oncle Isidore, celui qui est mort
l'année dernière.

Ton chien Pouky nous inquiète, il continue à poursuivre les voitures
à l'arrêt.

Mais ton frère Jeannot, c'est pire. Il a fermé la voiture et il a
laissé les clefs à l'intérieur. Il a dû aller chez lui chercher le
double pour pouvoir nous sortir tous de là.

Bon mon fils, je ne t'écris pas l'adresse sur la lettre, je ne la
connais pas. En fait, la dernière famille qui a habité ici est partie
avec les numéros pour les remettre dans leur nouveau domicile.

Si tu vois Marguerite, passe lui le bonjour. Si tu ne la vois pas, ne
lui dis rien.


Ta mère qui t'adore
Antoinette
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  (#157 (permalink)) Old
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Default Re: New jokes - 3rd May 2005

marra ken fi wa7ad 7omseh(talks lebanese 100%) w wa7ad lebneneh 3ambyetcharato 3ala iza betchateh ama la2. midre kif zabatit ma3o lal 7omseh am alo el lebneneh fout 3al mazra3a 3inde w khod el kharouf yalli badak ye. fet el 7omseh ba3ed chi 10 minutes toli3 ma3o el kharouf yalli bado ye. am alo el lebneneh iza b2ilak min wein betred el kharouf am ebel el 7omseh. 2alo inta min 7omess. am jan el 7omseh chou 3arafak ma chou 3arafak alo bred el kharouf bass 2ile kif 3refet 2ile 20 seneh bi lebnen. am alo el lebneneh la2ino ne2eit el kaleb ma7al el kharouf ----- bado ykoun el 7omseh 3ajabo lon el kaleb mlawan :P
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Default Re: New jokes - 3rd May 2005

once the syrian government made a lab to study how to go land on the sun.
so the american and french got suprised how can that be ???? with all their technology they reached the moon only...
so the 7omsiye engineers invited the west engineers to discuss that new revolution. a French asked them how can you do such thing??? the aircraft will get burned if you get close from the sun. so the 7omsiye engineers started laughing and one of them showed up and said you assholes how will we get burned if we are going at night!!!?
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Default Re: New jokes - 4th May 2005

once a homsi going home by bekaa he saw a plate " Cows Farmer" "Mazra3et Ba2ar" he saw a man there , he asked him to tell him how he can plant a cow in syria,the man old him go idiot r u moker me the homsi tell him no really i want to plan cows in homes.
the man smiled and gave him a bag of suggar and told him put it on the floor and u see cows how they grow.
the homsi went to syria and do what the man told him and after two hours the ants came to sugar,the homsi bagan to screaming " come people saw how the cow appear when she is young"
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Default Re: New jokes - 4th May 2005

A small Homsi asks his dad, How he was born.
The dad say: I have put a bread under the carpet and the next day you came! (genius answer huh??!)
The kid goes to his room, and does the same thing, after couple days he lifts the carpet and saw a cockroach (Sarsour), he tells him: Wallahi Law ma kent ebni kent daastak!
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