Old and New Jokes!!!

[LebanonUSA]

Father, I have sinned, I slept with an easy girl!

Is it you my boy, Toni Parisi?

Yes Father, indeed.

And who is this girl Toni?

I can not tell you Father, I do not want to ruin her reputation…

Teresa Volpe then?

Father, I still can't tell you!!!

My boy, I will discover it one day or the other, you can tell me now, is it Tina Minetti?

I can't tell you Father!

Is it Nina Capelli?

Sorry Father, I can't tell you!

Rosa Di Angelo then!!!

Please Father, you must understand me, I won't tell you!!!

I admire your discretion… but you've sinned, and therefore you must pay for it. You will no longer be in the Choral for the next three months as a punishment; go, and be careful.

Out of the church, Nino, the friend of Toni asked him how it went.

I have obtained 3 months vacation, and 4 new names of sluts!

[kryptos]

sorry i didnt find another place to post it :)

12:43 القاضي ادهم ادعى على 4 موظفين في ادارة سكك الحديد الحديد بينهم مسؤول في جرم الاهمال في القيام في الوظيفة والغش

source: tayyar.org


hahahahah
ka2ano el trains bi lebnen fow2 ba3ed la ma yehmlouwoun :)

[joe tayyar]

الأول :شو جنسيتك
الثاني :لبناني ..يقولها بكل فخر

الأول :بتستاهل وخرجك

[GMA forever]

و ما زال الحماصنه محتارين حتى الآن هل الذي مات الحريري أم رفيقه

[hannaalsayssa]

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said “Have you ever had a hug?”

The man said “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?”

The man said, “No,” so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman came to him and said, “Have you ever been f****d?”

The fellow's eyes lit up and with a big grin he said, “No.”

She said, “You will be when the tide comes in.”

[hannaalsayssa]

The Ladies will Love these

> --- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---
>
> How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
> Marry It!
>
> What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
> A battery has a positive side.
>
> What are the three fastest means of communication?
> 1) Television
> 2) Telephone
> 3) Telawoman

> What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
>
> Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
> Because you could easily fit another pair of **** in there.
>
> How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
> Put a nipple on it.
>
> Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
> Because they don't have balls to scratch.
>
> Why did God create woman ?
> To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
>
> Why do women fake orgasms ?
> Because they think men care.
>
> What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
> Nothing, she's been told twice already.
>
> If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
> Made her chain too long
>
> How many men does it take to open a beer?
> None. It should be opened when she brings it.
>
> Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
> Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
>
> Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
>
> How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
> When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
>
> How do you fix a woman's watch?
> You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
>
> Why do men pass gas more than women?
> Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
>
> If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
> The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
>
> What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> A woman who won't do what she's told
>
> I married a Miss Right.
> I just didn't know her first name was Always.
>
> Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
> It's called a Wedding Cake.
>
> Why do men die before their wives?
> They want to.
>
> Women will never be equal to men.. until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy

[freedom4ever]

Originally Posted by hannaalsayssa

The Ladies will Love these

> --- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---
>
> How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
> Marry It!
>
> What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
> A battery has a positive side.
>
> What are the three fastest means of communication?
> 1) Television
> 2) Telephone
> 3) Telawoman

> What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
>
> Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
> Because you could easily fit another pair of **** in there.
>
> How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
> Put a nipple on it.
>
> Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
> Because they don't have balls to scratch.
>
> Why did God create woman ?
> To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
>
> Why do women fake orgasms ?
> Because they think men care.
>
> What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
> Nothing, she's been told twice already.
>
> If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
> Made her chain too long
>
> How many men does it take to open a beer?
> None. It should be opened when she brings it.
>
> Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
> Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
>
> Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
>
> How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
> When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
>
> How do you fix a woman's watch?
> You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
>
> Why do men pass gas more than women?
> Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
>
> If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
> The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
>
> What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> A woman who won't do what she's told
>
> I married a Miss Right.
> I just didn't know her first name was Always.
>
> Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
> It's called a Wedding Cake.
>
> Why do men die before their wives?
> They want to.
>
> Women will never be equal to men.. until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy

HAHAHAHAHA

This very good, but too much racist lol

[Armenian]

Originally Posted by hannaalsayssa

The Ladies will Love these

> --- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---
>
> How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
> Marry It!
>
> What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
> A battery has a positive side.
>
> What are the three fastest means of communication?
> 1) Television
> 2) Telephone
> 3) Telawoman

> What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
>
> Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
> Because you could easily fit another pair of **** in there.
>
> How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
> Put a nipple on it.
>
> Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
> Because they don't have balls to scratch.
>
> Why did God create woman ?
> To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
>
> Why do women fake orgasms ?
> Because they think men care.
>
> What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
> Nothing, she's been told twice already.
>
> If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
> Made her chain too long
>
> How many men does it take to open a beer?
> None. It should be opened when she brings it.
>
> Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
> Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
>
> Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
>
> How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
> When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
>
> How do you fix a woman's watch?
> You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
>
> Why do men pass gas more than women?
> Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
>
> If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
> The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
>
> What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> A woman who won't do what she's told
>
> I married a Miss Right.
> I just didn't know her first name was Always.
>
> Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
> It's called a Wedding Cake.
>
> Why do men die before their wives?
> They want to.
>
> Women will never be equal to men.. until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy

HAHAHAHAAAAAA...Im dying of laughter at work.

[joe tayyar]

Originally Posted by hannaalsayssa

The Ladies will Love these

> --- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---
>
> How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
> Marry It!
>
> What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
> A battery has a positive side.
>
> What are the three fastest means of communication?
> 1) Television
> 2) Telephone
> 3) Telawoman

> What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
>
> Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
> Because you could easily fit another pair of **** in there.
>
> How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
> Put a nipple on it.
>
> Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
> Because they don't have balls to scratch.
>
> Why did God create woman ?
> To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
>
> Why do women fake orgasms ?
> Because they think men care.
>
> What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
> Nothing, she's been told twice already.
>
> If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
> Made her chain too long
>
> How many men does it take to open a beer?
> None. It should be opened when she brings it.
>
> Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
> Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
>
> Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
>
> How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
> When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
>
> How do you fix a woman's watch?
> You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
>
> Why do men pass gas more than women?
> Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
>
> If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
> The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
>
> What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> A woman who won't do what she's told
>
> I married a Miss Right.
> I just didn't know her first name was Always.
>
> Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
> It's called a Wedding Cake.
>
> Why do men die before their wives?
> They want to.
>
> Women will never be equal to men.. until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy

LOOOOL hanna pure slavery.

[Shah Massoud]

Originally Posted by hannaalsayssa

The Ladies will Love these

> --- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---
>
> How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
> Marry It!
>
> What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
> A battery has a positive side.
>
> What are the three fastest means of communication?
> 1) Television
> 2) Telephone
> 3) Telawoman

> What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
>
> Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
> Because you could easily fit another pair of **** in there.
>
> How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
> Put a nipple on it.
>
> Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
> Because they don't have balls to scratch.
>
> Why did God create woman ?
> To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
>
> Why do women fake orgasms ?
> Because they think men care.
>
> What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
> Nothing, she's been told twice already.
>
> If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
> Made her chain too long
>
> How many men does it take to open a beer?
> None. It should be opened when she brings it.
>
> Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
> Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
>
> Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
>
> How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
> When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
>
> How do you fix a woman's watch?
> You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
>
> Why do men pass gas more than women?
> Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
>
> If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
> The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
>
> What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> A woman who won't do what she's told
>
> I married a Miss Right.
> I just didn't know her first name was Always.
>
> Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
> It's called a Wedding Cake.
>
> Why do men die before their wives?
> They want to.
>
> Women will never be equal to men.. until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy

Hehe Hanna , I guess you have to pray some members ( like salome ) won't read this joke...otherwise expect the hell unleashed.....