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  (#1301 (permalink)) Old
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Default 27th April 2009

OHHHHH that's one hell of a joke hehehehhehe
liste de mariage LOL
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Default 28th April 2009

Quote:
Originally Posted by FBM View Post
I got the SAME EXACT joke in an e-mail today!
FBM...you revealed my secret now everybody will know where i get my jokes..not fair
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Default 29th April 2009

بالعامية بيقولوا انو الأصلع من قدام يعني "بفكر

والأصلع من ورا يعني "ذكي"

وبما انو جعجع أصلع من قدام ومن ورا يعني

بفكر حالو ذكي
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Default 29th April 2009

I DO love little Johnnie!!!!

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
.....
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
.....
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating'.
.....
Sally raised her hand. She said,'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.'
.....

The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
.....
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering.
.....
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her **** are so big she can only fasten eight.'
.....
The teacher sat down and cried......
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Default 2nd May 2009

A man and a woman who had never met before,

and who were both married to other people,

found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room

on a trans-continental train.







Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,



they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly,

he in the upper berth and she in the lower.



At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,



'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you,



but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?

I'm awfully cold.'



'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,

let's pretend that we're married...' .................................





'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.



'Good,' she replied. 'So Get your own f***ing blanket.'


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Default 3rd May 2009



مدرسة بالصف بتسأل الطلاب:

اعطوني اسم دواء ولشو بيتاخد.



طالبة أولى : اسبرين يا معلمتي

المدرسة: برافو، ولشو بيتاخد؟

الطالبة: لوجع الراس والألم

المدرسة، شاطرة، مين كمان؟

طالب ثاني : البندول يا معلمتي.

المدرسة: برافو، ولشو بيتاخد؟

الطالب: لوجع الراس والألم.



المدرسة، شاطر، مين كمان؟



وهون في طالب بينط بيرفع ايده وبيقول: الفياغرا.

المدرسة بتتلبك وبتقول: إي ولشو بيتاخد؟

الطالب: للإسهال.

المدرسة: إيه وكيف عرفت؟

الطالب: لأن أمي بتضلها تقول لأبي، خدلك حبة فياغرا بلكي بيوقف هالخ*ا

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Default 8th May 2009

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory.. I don't remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's lif e: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

9. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

10. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

11. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

12. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......

13. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

14. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes
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  (#1308 (permalink)) Old
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Default 9th May 2009

C'est l'histoire d'une institutrice de dernière année de maternelle, au milieu de janvier, le mois le plus dur pour tout le monde...

Un des gamins lui demande de l'aide pour mettre ses bottes pour aller en récréation et, en effet, elles sont vraiment difficiles à enfiler
Après avoir poussé, tiré, re-poussé et tiré dans tous les sens, les bottes sont enfin chaussées et le gamin dit :
"Elles sont à l'envers, maîtresse".

La maîtresse attrape un coup de chaud quand elle s'aperçoit qu'en effet il y a eu inversion des pieds...

Bref, nouvelle galère pour les enlever et rebelote pour les remettre mais elle réussit à garder son calme jusqu'à ce que les bottes soient rechaussées, aux bons pieds.
Et là le gamin lui dit avec toute la candeur qui caractérise les enfants :
"C'est pas mes bottes".

A ce moment, elle fait un gros effort pour ne pas lui mettre une baffe, fait un tour sur elle-même en se mordant les lèvres, se calme et lui demande pourquoi il ne l'a pas dit avant...
Comme le gamin voit bien qu'il a contrarié sa maîtresse, il ne répond pas. Elle dit alors :
"Bon, allez, on les enlève" et elle se met à nouveau au boulot.

Le deuxième pied est presque sorti quand le gamin poursuit :
"C'est pas mes bottes, c'est celles de mon frère, mais maman a dit que je dois les mettre". Là, elle a envie de pleurer mais, une nouvelle fois, elle se calme et entreprend de lui re- re- mettre ses bottes.
L'opération est enfin réussie et la maîtresse se sent fière d'avoir réussi. Pour aller jusqu'au bout, elle le met debout, lui fait enfiler son manteau, lui met son cache-nez et lui demande :
"Où sont tes gants?".

Et le gamin de répondre le plus simplement du monde :
"Pour ne pas les perdre, je les ai mis dans mes bottes."

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Default 10th May 2009

A little American Indian boy asked his father, the big chief of the tribe:
"Father, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have short names like Bill , Tex or Sam?"

His father replied: "My son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem in our culture. Not like the white men, who live all together, and merely repeat their names from generation to generation. For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake. Then there's your brother, White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse, who gallops over the prairies, appeared near our camp, and is a symbol of our capacity to live, and the life force of our people. It's really very simple and easy to understand. Do you have any other questions for me, Little Broken Condom Made in China?
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Default 11th May 2009

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted no transfer, no salary increase and that the Company is not doing any thing about it.
So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning
after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his problem. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;

My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours

Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:-8 am to 4 pm i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours ?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)

Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 days)

Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir

Manager:- How many days are there in a year that
are weekends?
Man:- 52 Fridays and 52 Saturdays equals to 104 days

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do=2 0you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many day s are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do y ou work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Moral : NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR = HIGH RISK
And in the employee's opinion.....

H = HASBY ALLAH WA NE3MA EL WAKEEL

R = RABENA YA7'ODOKO
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