Old and New Jokes!!!

[Mitzidupree]

A rooster asked a chicken: "Which class are you?"

The chicken replied: "bac"

[Kakou]

Deux Belges vont chercher de l'essence dans une station service en France.

La station est éloignée mais ils veulent participer au concours organisé par le gérant de la station.

Ils font donc le plein et demandent au gérant s'ils peuvent participer au concours.

' OK ', dit le gérant,' Si vous gagnez vous avez droit à une heure de sexe gratuit offert par la maison.

' Et comment on joue ? ' demandent les Belges

' C'est simple ', dit le gérant, ' Je vais penser à un nombre entre 1 et 10,

si vous devinez ce nombre vous gagnez votre heure de sexe gratuit. '

' OK. Je dis 7 ', répond le premier Belge.

' Désolé, c'était 8 ', dit le gérant.

La semaine suivante, ils retournent à la station, refont le plein et demandent à participer au concours.

' OK ', dit le gérant, ' Je vais penser à un nombre entre 1 et 10,
si vous devinez ce nombre vous gagnez votre heure de sexe gratuit.'

' Je dis 5 ', répond le premier Belge.

' Désole, c' était 7 ', dit le gérant.

Sur le chemin du retour le premier Belge dit à l'autre : ' Je suis sûr que ce concours est truqué.'

' Je ne pense pas ' répond le deuxième. ' Ma femme a gagné deux fois la semaine dernière. '

[Layyouss]

Originally Posted by Diabolo_7

A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport.

It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness.

The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act.
For $100, the cabby agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom.
The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man.
The husband put a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money.
He paid for the Corvette I bought for you.
He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your season Green Bay Packer Tickets.
He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!!!!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun.

He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do???"

The cabby said, "I'd cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold."

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[coralie]

Syrian Virus











Dear receiver

shlonak??
You hav just receivd a Syrian virus
Since we are not so technologically advanced in Syria
I am a manual virus you hav to helb me becos i can't do everything by myself
3reft shlon?
'bleas delete all the files on your hard disk by
Yourself and send this mail to everyone you know'
Thank you very much for helbing me khayyo

3ala 3eni walla

[orange infection]

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa..'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

[Armenian]

An Armenian man named Artash walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked for the loan officer.

He told the loan officer that he was going to Yerevan on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan.
Artash handed over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out.

The loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Armenian Artash for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later, Artash returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow '$5,000'

Artash said: 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?''

[lady_forever]

A chicken farmer went to a local bar... sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says - 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne too!''What a 'coincidence' - the farmer says, 'This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating.' 'This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!' - says the woman. 'What a 'coincidence' - says the farmer as they clinked glasses he asks 'What are you celebrating?' 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child for a long time and today my gynecologist told me that I'm pregnant!''What a coincidence' - says the man... 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs..' 'That's great!' - says the woman.'How did your chickens become fertile?''I used a different ****' - he replied.The woman smiled and said -'What a coincidence!...'

[lady_forever]

بدوي حملت زوجته خارج الرحم قالها :تستاهلين ‏قايلك



نولع اللمبه تقولين لا


************ *********


فيه ولد سأل ابوه:
‏بابا إحنا من وين ‏جينا؟
فكر الأب إن لا حياء بالدين وقرر يعلمه بالتفصيل وقعد يشرح أنا و امك ‏تزوجنا..الخ
بالنهاية سأله الاب:ليش تسأل؟
قال الولد:لأن صديقي عمرالأردني ‏يقول
انهم جايين من عمان
************ *********






ولد شاف صدر أمه
قالها: شو هذا ‏؟
قالت : بالونات !
‏قال الولد : بالونات الخدامة أكبر ! قالت امه: كيف عرفت ‏؟
قال: شفت أبي عم ينفخهم !


‏------------ --------- ---


وحده شلحت بنطلونها ورمته قدام زوجها المحشش وقالت له:‎
حسسني إني حرمة
قام شلح بنطلونه ورماه قدامها وقالها: إغسلي الإثنين واكويهم


‏----------- ------


ولد انسرقت بسكليته راح الشرطه ‏يشتكي
سأله الشرطي: شاكك في حد؟
قاله:نعم ابي ،سمعته مبارح في الليل بيقول لأمي ‏بسرعه اركبي عليه قبل سلوم ما يقوم


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حمصي أجا ينام مع صديقته قالت هذا الكوندوم ‏خامس مره تستخدمه قالها لاتخافي مكتوب عليه صالح لغاية 2010


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بدوي راح لبيت دعاره دق الباب فتحت له وحده ‏شالحة. ارتبك قال: أمي عندكم!
--

[lady_forever]

واحد اتجوز وحدة ...وبعد أربع شهور ونص خلفت ولد

سألها هالولد كيف أجه ونحنا متزوجين من أربع شهور ونص ؟؟؟

قالت له أنت متزوجني من ايمتا ؟؟

قال من أربع شهور ونص

قالت له وأنا متزوجتك من ايمتا ؟؟

قال من أربع شهور ونص

قالتله هيك بيصيرو 9 شهور

قال الزوج....

الله يلعن الشيطان...راح فكري لبعيد

هلق ارتحت ..خليتيني شك فيكي

[lady_forever]

واحد عم يقول لجاره
سكر الشباك وأنت نايم مع مرتك
لأني شفتكم مبارح.





ضحك وقال له:
أصلا أنا مبارح ما كنت في البيت يا حمار