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  (#1261 (permalink)) Old
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Default 8th April 2009

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical
(SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical
(SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM:
Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL:
It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM:
Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL:
The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM:
It's not working.

SL:
Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM
: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL:
The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow
Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical
arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM:
Sister Logical ! Thank goodness you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL
: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM
: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL
: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM
: And?

SL
: The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM
: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL
: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM
: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL
: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM:
Oh, no! What happened then?

SL
: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

I'll pray for you!

HAVE A BLESSED DAY


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Default 8th April 2009

جندي امريكي يكلم امه من العراق:



Oh mum all Iraqi love you

They always tell me

Kiss Omak
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Default 8th April 2009





كان في خوري يجو لعندو الناس يعترفولو حتى يغفرلهم

وبس يجو لعنده كانوا يقولوا أنا زنيت
وأنا غلطت، فما حب هيدي الكلمة وقلهم
قولوا أنا زحطت بدل زنيت من هلق و رايح....

ومرت الأيام و صارت الرعية كلها بتعرف هالمصطلح


ومات الخوري واستلم مكانه
خوري تاني، بس ما كان بيعرف معنى كلمة
زحطت
وكان الناس بيجو لعنده و بيعترفولو ويقولوا أنا زحطت
استغرب الأبونا من هالكلمة و من كتر ما سمعها

فاستغل عظة الاحد وقال لازم نزبط الشوارع ونصلح كل هالجور
يعني مش معقول تلات ارباع العالم ازا مش
كلون عم يزحطوا

ضحكوا كل الاهل و أكتر شي رئيس البلدية

عصب الخوري منه و قاله

أنت الوحيد يللي ما بيحقلك تضحك
!!!لأنو مرتك صارت زاحطة 8 مرات بس بهالأسبوع


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Default 10th April 2009

Une femme est au lit avec son amant. En pleine action, un bruit dans la serrure de la porte d'entrée les fige et comme chacun le sait, dans les appartements modernes, pas de place sous le lit. La penderie est ridicule, le balcon inexistant et elle habite au 12ème étage...


Sans se démonter, elle dit à son amant :
- Reste calme, debout, absolument immobile, et ne dis rien.


Le mari :
- Surprise de me voir Darling ! Mon vol a été avancé et j'ai terminé plus tôt. Mais quand il voit le type dans la chambre, il demande :
- C'est quoi ça ?


- Je viens de le recevoir, figure toi. C'est mon esclave sexuel robotisé Powered par Microsoft'. D'ailleurs il a l'air de Bill Gates, tu ne trouves pas ? Tu es toujours parti, en réunion, en voyage. Est-ce que je sais ce que tu fais quand tu es seul dans ta chambre... c'est comme un vibromasseur mais en plus grand. Tu ne voudrais quand même pas que je me tape le plombier ou le voisin ?


- Laisse moi ça de côté, je vais te faire ta fête, j'ai une envie de te prendre comme une bête.


Elle, qui vient d'être servie :
- Non merci mon chéri, finalement, j'ai la migraine !


- &^%$&# %$#& , c'est toujours pareil ! Bon, bon , va à la cuisine me faire une omelette.


- Ok ! Il regarde le robot et n'y tenant plus, il se dit :
- Ce qui est bon pour elle est bon pour moi et il se jette pantalon baissé sur le malheureux pour le sodomiser... A ce moment là, l'amant prend une voix métallique et dit :
- Erreur-système! Em-pla-cement ré-ser-vé USB.
- Putain de robot de ***** !!!


Fou de rage le mari le met sur son épaule et va vers la fenêtre pour le balancer.. Et l'amant reprend, mort de peur :
- Windows XP réinitialisé - Veuillez réessayer... Veuillez réessayer !!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Default 10th April 2009

ya coralie is there any english translation for this ???
i know french but this one is just too long and complicated
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Default 10th April 2009

Quote:
Originally Posted by orange infection View Post
ya coralie is there any english translation for this ???
i know french but this one is just too long and complicated
Ya orange infection no it is not long ana mkabra el khat ta tbayen tawileh yiiiii abadan mich complicated .... and no i dont have the english version hiyeh ejit heik bel francais !
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Default 10th April 2009

lol khalas fhemta lal nekteh :P
i am french educated , but i had to think 5 mins for every word like "amant" wich i thought first it was "aimant" ye3neh mghanatis :P
so at the end i found the joke pretty lame :P , maybe because i had to think about it so hard in order to understand it baynama el jokes usually are supposed to be spontanious
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Default 10th April 2009

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakou View Post
أزواج للبيع




في إحدى المدن تم افتتاح متجر لبيع (الأزواج) حيث يمكن للمرأة الذهاب لاختيار زوج بنفسها ومن بين التعليمات التي وضعت في المدخل حول أسلوب عمل المتجر : أن للمرأة فرصة الدخول مرة واحدة للمتجر ! ويمكن الاختيار من أحد الطوابق أو الذهاب إلى الطابق الآخر الأعلى منه ولكن لا يمكن النزول إلى أسفل.

:

:

دخلت إحدى النساء (لمتجر الأزواج) لاختيار زوج لها

في مدخل الطابق الأول علامة :

الرجال هنا لديهم عمل

وفي مدخل الطابق الثاني علامة :

الرجال هنا لديهم عمل ويحبون أطفالهم

وفي مدخل الطابق الثالث علامة :

الرجال هنا لديهم عمل

ويحبون أطفالهم وشكلهم جذاب



وكانت المرأة تـفكـر 'واو ولكن سأستمر بالصعود'



وقد وصلت إلى الطابق الرابع لتجد علامة :

الرجال هنا لديهم عمل ومؤمنون بالله ويحبون أطفالهم وشكلهم جذاب ويساعدون زوجاتهم في أعمال المنزل

فتعجبت في خلجات نفسها

' يا إلهي إني لا أستطيع التحمل سأوافق '

ولكنها استمرت بالصعود



وفي مدخل الطابق الخامس وجدت علامة :

الرجال هنا لديهم عمل ومؤمنون بالله ويحبون أطفالهم وشكلهم جذاب ولهم قابلية رومانسية عالية لمغازلة زوجاتهم دائماً



وفي مدخل الطابق السادس وجدت علامة :

الرجال هنا لديهم عمل ومؤمنون بالله ويحبون أطفالهم وشكلهم جذاب ولهم قابلية رومانسية عالية لمغازلة ولديهم المال والعقل

وكادت أن تطأ قدمها ذلك الطابق إلا أنها استمرت بالصعود



وفي مدخل الطابق السادس وجدت علامة :



أنـت الـزائـرة رقـم 4.363.012

ليس هناك أي رجال في هذا الطابق

أكثر من هيك ما بقى في

لأن هذا الطابق وجد خصيصا كبرهان أن النساء لا يمكن إرضاؤهن شكراً للتسوق في 'متجر الأزواج' وانتبهي لخطواتك وأنتِ تخرجين و ع قول اخوانا قحطي وردي الباب وراكي

Here is an English translation with a little ADDED note:

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.



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Default 12th April 2009

في حمصي راكب بالطيارة قام قال للمضيفة الاجنبية [/right]





( this talk no walk with me . i student 1 coffee from one o'clock )



الترجمة:



هالحكي ما بيمشي معي انا طالب واحد قهوة من ساعة [right]
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Default 12th April 2009

Une mère à sa fille : « les voisines disent que tu couches avec ton fiancé »
La fille : « les gens sont des mauvaises langues. Il suffit de coucher avec quelqu’un pour qu’aussitôt l’on dise que c’est ton fiancé ! »



« Marie,ton mari va se jeter par la fenêtre ! »
« Dis à ce con qu’il a des cornes mais pas des ailes ! »



«Dites moi Madame pour quel motif voulez vous divorcer ?»
« Mon mari me traite comme un chien ! »
« Il vous maltraite ?Il vous bat ? »
« Non ,il veut que je lui sois fidèle ! »



Durant un cambriolage un voleur alerte l’autre :
« Les flics arrivent ! »
« Qu’est ce qu’on fait ? »
« Sautons par la fenêtre ! »
« Mais nous sommes au 13° étage !!!!!!! »
« Ce n’est pas le moment d’être superstitieux ! »
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