Old and New Jokes!!!

[lady_forever]

المفاهيم عند بعض اللبنانيين


سوري = شغيل ورشة /مخابرات
خليجي = محشي دمو
مصري = ثرثار و كذاب
حمصي = غبي
فلسطيني = توطين
صيني = لعيب كاراتيه
سريلنكية = خادمة
فيليبينية = خادمة 'كلاس'
شرق أوروبية = شرم...
إيطالي = 'جغل'
أميركاني = مفقوع
إيراني = مسلح
لبناني= ملك الفهم و ما في حدا قدو…





Let me add:


كهربا = شو يعني؟


موتور = آه! فهمت


إجت الكهربا = دورو الآزان + دورو الغسّالة


انقطعت الكهربا = طفو الآزان + طفو الغسّالة


إجت الكهربا = شو بلـّشو لعب!


انقطعت الكهربا = يلعن الساعة





إجا الموتور = تكّ الديجونتور! ولك طفـّو الآزاااان. يلعن ها الدولة !!!


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حزام أمان = قبل الحاجز بعشر متار


موبيل = ميس كول أو س م س


قبضت؟ = شو رح تدفعلنا


بنزين = شو بأدّاي التنكي اليوم؟


مازوت = جليد هاي الشتويي


الساعة 8 = أخبار


الساعة طنعش إلا خمسة = اومو نامو قبل ما ينطفي الموتور





أواس = دبكوا


مفرقعات = ألله يرحموا


أواس = زعيم


أمبيولانس = نصاب واحد برصاصة طايشة


عأساس لرصاصة زكية كتير بس طايشة نتـَخَبوا الرئيس = صار في مين يزتــّو علاي المشكلة

[LebanonUSA]

Adam & Eve in Paradise!

A German, a Frenchman and a Lebanese went to an art museum. They were standing in front of the painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

The German said: 'They have perfect body and muscles. They must be German!'

The Frenchman said: 'C'est Impossible! They are so sexy. She so feminine, He's so masculine...They must be French!'

Finally the Lebanese said: 'La ya habibi... they don't have clothes... They don't have shoes...and they don't even have home. All they have is ONE apple to eat and to top it all they STILL think they are in Heaven!!!! Clearly, these two can only be Lebanese!!!'

[orange infection]

ختيار وختيارة معهن ابنهن راحوا لتركيا
سياحة ضاع زوجها الختيار وراحوا للشرطة
يبلغون عنه.
طلبوا أوصافو قالت الختيارة: طويل وابيض
واشقر عيونو زرق شعرو ذهبي.
قال الولد: ماما بس هاي مش مواصفات بابا؟
قالت الختيارة: سكوت بركي بيعطونا مهند

[Abou-Eddie]

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET A BLONDE GENIE

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially
buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three
wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded
by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to them all and begins to explore the
house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and
the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Then, there's a knock at the door. . .. He answers it and standing there
are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits.

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and
hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two
blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one, 'I can understand the first wish
having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can
also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. .. . but why he wanted to
be hung like a black man is beyond me.'

[Canadian]

Un enfant de 10 ans demande a son pere, cest quoi la politique? son pere, essaie de trouver une methode pour lui expliker ca facilement...
so il lui dit: moi cest le capitalisme, jramene de largent a la maison, ta mere cest le gouvernement ki soccupe de tout a la maison.. la bonne cest la classe ouvriere elle travaille chez nous, toi cest le peuple et ta ptite soeur cest lavenir!!
le ptit reflechit un peu et pense kil a compris...
le soir, il entend sa soeur pleurer, elle avait rempli ses couches..il sen va voir ses parents il voit ke sa mere dort..il descend chez la bonne il voit kelle couche avec son pere...
la il srappelle de ckon son pere lui a dit hier . Il vient chez lui le lendemain, et lui dit papa jai tout compris: pendant ke le capitalisme encule la classe ouvriere, le gouvernement dort, le peuple est perdu et lavenir est dans la *****!!

[Abou-Eddie]

Only great minds can read this

This is weird, but interesting!

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too .
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.


i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

[Abou-Eddie]

What a day!

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, 'It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.'

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, 'Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning, the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys in side and had to break a window to get my keys. 'Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.' 'When I finally got to the store, a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people.

All the time, the darn phone was ringing of f the hook.' He continued, 'Then, I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor.

I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels, and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.'

'Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.

And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.

[Layyouss]

Originally Posted by Abou-Eddie

Only great minds can read this

This is weird, but interesting!

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too .
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.


i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

I missed the funny part of this "Joke" ya Abou-Eddie

[Nayla]

A teacher in Zahle - Lebanon asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Ja3ja3 fans..

Not really knowing what a Ja3ja3 fan was, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Zouzou.
The teacher asked Little Zouzou why he decided to be different... again.

Little Zouzou said, 'Because I'm not a Ja3ja3
fan.'

The teacher said, 'Why aren't you a Ja3ja3
fan?'
Zouzou said, 'Because I'm a 3awnist..'

The teacher asked why he's a 3awnist.
Little Zouzou answered, 'Well, my Mom's a
3awnist and my Dad's a 3awnist, so I'm a 3awnist.'

The teacher asks, 'If your Mom was a moron, and
your Dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'



With a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig smile, Little Zouzou replied,
'That would make me a Ja3ja3 fan.'

[Layyouss]

A young man goes into the Job Center in Jacksonville , Florida , and
sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist' s Assistant.

Interested, he goes to learn more - 'Can you give me some more
details?' he asks the clerk.

The clerk pulls up the file and says, 'The job entails getting the
ladies ready for the gynecologist.

You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and
carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and
gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're
ready for the
gynecologist's examination.

There's an annual salary of $45,000, but you're going to have to go to
Oxford , Mississippi . That's about 620 miles from here.'

'Oh, is that where the job is?'

'No sir - that's where the end of the application line is right now.'