Old and New Jokes!!!

[dataccess]

رأت الراقصه فيفي عبده عندما ارادت ركوب سيارتها المرسيدس الفاخره الأديب نجيب محفوظ
وهو راكب سيارة متواضعه للغاية فقالت:بص الأدب عمل فيك ايه
رد عليها نجيب محفوظ بسرعه :بصي قلة الأدب عملت فيك ايه ...!!

[dataccess]

مدرس سأل محشش : من هو الحيوان اللي يصحّينا لصلاة الفجر ؟ قال الطالب : ابوي
مصري يسأل سعودي إيه الفرق إللي بينكم وبين البهايم؟ رد السعودي البحر الأحمر
تاجر مخدرات، راح يخطب،، سألوه : ايش تشتغل ؟!؟ قال : فني تكييف !!
دجاجة تحممت بهد اند شولدرز فباضت بيضه من غير قشره
في واحد غبي عرف أن الشيطان شاطر راح يدرس معه
غبي قال لصديقه: اذا عرفت شوفي بالكيس بعطيك منه سمكة. قال له صديقه: بحر
حشاش يسأل: اليوم السبت ولا الأحد؟ قالوا له: الإثنين. قال: ماشاء الله كلهم مجتمعين؟
وحده تسأل عن ابنها الضائع قالو لها : اذا ابن حلال بيرجع قالت ولـــي راح الولد
أستاذ كيمياء رزق بولد .... فسماه سامي أكسيد الكربون

[Evolution]

تشكيلة الحكومة الايرانية الجديدة وضمت الوزراء التالية اسماؤهم:


وزير الاتصالات : تلفنتلو رأساً جاني

وزير الزراعة: زارع أكبر باذنجاني

وزير الدفاع: علي أكبر مدفعي

وزير الخارجية: سافر منشي شهر

وزير الطاقة: مفجر آباري

وزير الداخلية: قامع أكبر تظاهراتي


وزير النقل: منتظر فين يجي

وزير الصحة: خابط أكبر إبري



وتلقى الرئيس برقيات تهنئة من الرئيس الصيني

' من شان شو'


ووزير خارجيته 'مو ميشان شي ' .


ومن نظيره الفرنسي'جاك من وراك '


كما تلقى اتصالا من وزير الخارجية الكويتي


الشيخ 'ساهر حتى الصباح'


ثم القطري ' كل ما ضربتو آل تاني'



اما السفير لروسي'هجم بلاخوف' فتمنى نجاح التشكيلة الوزارية الجديدة


هذا ويتوقع ان يصل الى ايران وفد تركي يرأسه وزير العلاقات


'مرسل اعتذارات'


للتباحث في شؤون تهم الدولتين

[beirutiye]

تشكيلة الحكومة الايرانية الجديدة وضمت الوزراء التالية اسماؤهم:


وزير الاتصالات : تلفنتلو رأساً جاني

وزير الزراعة: زارع أكبر باذنجاني

وزير الدفاع: علي أكبر مدفعي

وزير الخارجية: سافر منشي شهر

وزير الطاقة: مفجر آباري

وزير الداخلية: قامع أكبر تظاهراتي


وزير النقل: منتظر فين يجي

وزير الصحة: خابط أكبر إبري



وتلقى الرئيس برقيات تهنئة من الرئيس الصيني

' من شان شو'


ووزير خارجيته 'مو ميشان شي ' .


ومن نظيره الفرنسي'جاك من وراك '


كما تلقى اتصالا من وزير الخارجية الكويتي


الشيخ 'ساهر حتى الصباح'


ثم القطري ' كل ما ضربتو آل تاني'



اما السفير لروسي'هجم بلاخوف' فتمنى نجاح التشكيلة الوزارية الجديدة


هذا ويتوقع ان يصل الى ايران وفد تركي يرأسه وزير العلاقات


'مرسل اعتذارات'


للتباحث في شؤون تهم الدولتين

hahaha kteer mahdoume.....

[LebanonUSA]

A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at a "lovers point" where they started making out. After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her,
"Do you want to get into the back seat?"
"NO!" she answered.
Okay, he thought, may be she`s not ready yet.
Now he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again,
"Do you want to get into the back seat?"
"NO!" she answers again.
Now he has her bra off, they`re both very sweaty, and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now.
"Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?" he asks again.
"NO!" she answers yet again.
Frustrated, he demands, "Well, why not!"
"Because I want to stay up here with you!"

[Abou-Eddie]

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first
day he took off his clothes and started to wander around
the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man
immediately got an erection. The woman noticed his
erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call for
me?'

The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'
She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain.
It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it
implies you called for me.' Smiling, she lead him to
the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly
pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's
facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he
farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of
the steam room toward him.
Did you call for me?' asked the hairy man.
No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer. You must
be new.' answered the hairy man , 'It's a rule
that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.'
The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench
and had his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he
was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist,
May I help you?' she asked.

Here's my membership card. You can have the key back
and you can keep the $500 membership fee.'
But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here
a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our
facilities.'

Yes, but I'm 65 years old. I only get an erection
once a month, but I fart 15 times a day

[Abou-Eddie]

No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm.
Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult
their Rabbi.
The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the
following suggestion: 'Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you
are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help
your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.'

They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man
and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the
wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.

'Okay,' he says to the husband, 'Try it reversed. Have the young man make
love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.'

Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice They go home and hire, the same
strapping young man. The young man gets into bed
with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work
with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking,
ear-splitting screaming orgasm.

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,
'See that, you schmuck?
THAT'S how you wave a towel!!'

[fawwazhalim]

Seriously, i don't understand all these jokes. I guess they are locally based jokes. I will really like to have some jokes that i can understand and laugh about. Thank you.

[fawwazhalim]

Originally Posted by Abou-Eddie

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first
day he took off his clothes and started to wander around
the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man
immediately got an erection. The woman noticed his
erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call for
me?'

The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'
She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain.
It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it
implies you called for me.' Smiling, she lead him to
the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly
pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's
facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he
farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of
the steam room toward him.
Did you call for me?' asked the hairy man.
No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer. You must
be new.' answered the hairy man , 'It's a rule
that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.'
The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench
and had his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he
was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist,
May I help you?' she asked.

Here's my membership card. You can have the key back
and you can keep the $500 membership fee.'
But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here
a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our
facilities.'

Yes, but I'm 65 years old. I only get an erection
once a month, but I fart 15 times a day

Man, that is really funny! I am laughing my head off now. I will appreciate more of that. Kind of keep the doctor away. Thumbs up

[lady_forever]

ختيارة ركبت مع سواق تاكسي وصارت كل شوي تمدلو ايدها من ورا وتناوله حبة فستق

تقلله كول يا عين خالتك فستقاية من هالفستقات الطيبين كوووووول

وهيك حبة ورا حبة حبة ورا حبة لحد ما شبع قام التفت عليها شوي وقالها : ما شاء الله عليكي يا خالة من وين جايبة هالفستقات الطيبين هادول ؟

ردت عليه وقالت : أبداً والله يا عين خالتك لا جبتون ولا من يحزنون

بس كنت قاعدة عم مصمص سنيكرز ومشكلتي ما عندي ضراس حتى قرمطهم !