i did love

[Xena]

yes observer i fully agree, the process of taking decisions is based on one's experiences, however there's side effects to every experience you go through... specially when it's a failed love experience, and identifying the damages can be very challenging since you need to start taking a close look at your flaws... sometimes it's not a very beautiful sight! it's all about rediscovering yourself

Doc, what you've described is exactly what i did and that's why i got over him(feeling wise)... i made a totally new life... in 4 months i managed to create a different world for me, new friends, new job, new activities, new apartment; new clothes, new hair :p

and surely reassessing priorities was part of the deal as i became more career focused...

However my question here is how to identify and get rid of the side effects of my past experience... this is the real getting over and moving on!
i'm not gonna go into details, but i identified some, which are fear from commitment, fear of letting the other person get attached, building a wall around me and call it "being independent' which i recently discovered that has nothing to do with independence but rather the fear of getting hurt (still trying to figure out how to demolish that wall i built)... still trying to get rid of the guilt i'm feeling towards him, i know i shouldnt be feeling guilty, but the feeling is there... and it took me a while to figure out that i'm actually feeling guilty
oh yes another one, i discovered this one yesterday... the "i'm gonna prove to you that i took the right decision and that i can do better"... now this could be a good moto as it gives strength and motivation.. except that instead of using my standards of evaluation to define the "better', i'm using his! ... so this one needs to be fixed too... and many more

and yes those who have it nice and easy all the way are such a bore :p, failure is part of knowing how to be successful, realistic and more mature... but the challenge now is to take the best of this experience and learn from it in order to make better choices later on, and not let it consume me

[doc]

Originally Posted by Xena

yes observer i fully agree, the process of taking decisions is based on one's experiences, however there's side effects to every experience you go through... specially when it's a failed love experience, and identifying the damages can be very challenging since you need to start taking a close look at your flaws... sometimes it's not a very beautiful sight! it's all about rediscovering yourself

Doc, what you've described is exactly what i did and that's why i got over him(feeling wise)... i made a totally new life... in 4 months i managed to create a different world for me, new friends, new job, new activities, new apartment; new clothes, new hair :p

and surely reassessing priorities was part of the deal as i became more career focused...

However my question here is how to identify and get rid of the side effects of my past experience... this is the real getting over and moving on!
i'm not gonna go into details, but i identified some, which are fear from commitment, fear of letting the other person get attached, building a wall around me and call it "being independent' which i recently discovered that has nothing to do with independence but rather the fear of getting hurt (still trying to figure out how to demolish that wall i built)... still trying to get rid of the guilt i'm feeling towards him, i know i shouldnt be feeling guilty, but the feeling is there... and it took me a while to figure out that i'm actually feeling guilty
oh yes another one, i discovered this one yesterday... the "i'm gonna prove to you that i took the right decision and that i can do better"... now this could be a good moto as it gives strength and motivation.. except that instead of using my standards of evaluation to define the "better', i'm using his! ... so this one needs to be fixed too... and many more

and yes those who have it nice and easy all the way are such a bore :p, failure is part of knowing how to be successful, realistic and more mature... but the challenge now is to take the best of this experience and learn from it in order to make better choices later on, and not let it consume me

It's normal to be afraid of commitment, you shouldn't even think about it now...You should even AVOID meeting the right person. Now is the time for "transition" phase, and don't go out on boring dates, they will make you feel lonelier, and make him look unreplaceable.....Reality is distorted right now...

Don't feel guilty, men usually get over things easier, they're more "realistic"

As for the wall, it's a temporary one as i told you, you should have it for now, until you "recover", than it'll fade away without you even realizing it...

As long as you're aware of the problems, you'll end up fixing them, i see you've got a very strong will. As for using His standards to measure your success, it's just temporary, we're all influenced by someone different at different stages of our life: remember at first you must have used your parents standards,even unconsciously, then maybe your teachers'...now it's him and it's normal , but this too will fade away....

TIME TIME TIME and GOOD WILL, you've got it , i trust you'll succeed...

[Aroma]

It should be easier when one discovers that the other person is a totally opposite person than she/he imagined,isn't it Doc?

[Dalzi]

Originally Posted by Observer

looooooooooooooool. I am so sorry lady. double embarassement today, with you and Naylah.

No probs .

Btw, that "looooooooooooooooooool" is like a salghouta .

I did not say that I am still in love with her. I would never marry a woman and loving another. This is not good. This will not be haelthy to me, my wife and children and to the other girl. I said I am on good terms with her and see each other when have the chance but I do not think this would be a correct and wise thing to do now I am married.

I moved on long time ago. This is thing did not occur to me except when there was such a thread now. from time to time I do remember the past just to reflect. It did not leave scares nor caused me any complex nor affected my behavior toward somebody or something. I just gained experience and some wisdom maybe.

Beautiful! Way to go! :D That's all we needed to hear :).

Originally Posted by taifoon

Well, maybe you just need to show more of your red fingernails and styled hairdo instead of that ready to chop with axe you seem often to hold over our poor forum necks, Mr Dalzi

When some lower their ; i'll lower my axe ;). ?

I tried all methods Taifoon. I even tried "teghneej" with some members, they took that teghneej as an insult . 7ayyartouna ya Miss Taifoona :D. At least what you get is all i have inside for you, I don't hide behind sweet words like the majority of mortals. If black i say "black" w khalasna.

Back to the topic... Love... Love's good, not bad....

[doc]

Originally Posted by naty

It should be easier when one discovers that the other person is a totally opposite person than she/he imagined,isn't it Doc?

Well if it's a new relationship, yes (max two years) . But after a seven years relationship.....no, you just admit that you didn't have the guts to end it ,you can not be fooled for seven years, you just postpone the hurting the separation will cause....just to find out that by now , if you had done it before, it would have been over and through....

But we're human beings, we're all a little masochists, we mix guilt with reason,we're just wonderfully complex divine sensitive creaturesi'm talking about exquisite human beings ,not those who seem to have a chart were they cross the pro and cons, and move on if it doesn't suit: these are robots,they just rust away with time, but never get hurt....

[Claudia]

Originally Posted by Xena

i'm not gonna go into details, but i identified some, which are fear from commitment, fear of letting the other person get attached, building a wall around me and call it "being independent' which i recently discovered that has nothing to do with independence but rather the fear of getting hurt (still trying to figure out how to demolish that wall i built)... still trying to get rid of the guilt i'm feeling towards him, i know i shouldnt be feeling guilty, but the feeling is there... and it took me a while to figure out that i'm actually feeling guilty

I guess you feel afraid to live all that pain again with someone else. It happens with everyone, I guess. We are afraid if others will hurt us, we also have afraid if someone loves us but we don't love them ("how will I tell him to get over me without hurting him?"). The guilty feeling is very present. In the end, what people have afraid is to suffer.
My recipe is to not struggle to find anyone who suits you. Live your life the best you can, do all the things you love to because when the One comes to your life, you'll know it. You wont think twice! You won't think "maybe he is the one...". You will be sure he is the perfect One sent by God to your life to make you happy and joyful everyday. Trust me

[Observer]

Originally Posted by Claudia

I guess you feel afraid to live all that pain again with someone else. It happens with everyone, I guess. We are afraid if others will hurt us, we also have afraid if someone loves us but we don't love them ("how will I tell him to get over me without hurting him?"). The guilty feeling is very present. In the end, what people have afraid is to suffer.
My recipe is to not struggle to find anyone who suits you. Live your life the best you can, do all the things you love to because when the One comes to your life, you'll know it. You wont think twice! You won't think "maybe he is the one...". You will be sure he is the perfect One sent by God to your life to make you happy and joyful everyday. Trust me

Life is full of pain. I have seen so much pain. I lost freinds, a girl I loved so much but will never marry her even if I can go back in time and love her again (how painful is that? beyond the imagination of many). Lost all my money at one point (**** stock market). I have seen wars (seen all wars except 2006 war which I missed due to a bad luck in reservation). I have seen dead bodies burnt, twisted beyond recognition. I have seen infants turned into a ball of fire due to napalm bomb. I have seen so many things and it was all very very painful. Yet, I know that pain is a fact of life. Death is a fact of life. How do we die is another thing though. I have seen men crying (can you imagine seeing your father crying for the first time in your life when you were just a kid and your father is your hero and the strongest person in the world?? now that was painful). I have seen all kind of deep pain but life went on and I went on and life does not stop even if we do. Life has to go on, this is natural and do not try to defy the natural because you won't change what is a fact of life rather you yourself have to change to adapt to those facts of life.

[lady_forever]

Originally Posted by Observer

Life is full of pain. I have seen so much pain. I lost freinds, a girl I loved so much but will never marry her even if I can go back in time and love her again (how painful is that? beyond the imagination of many). Lost all my money at one point (**** stock market). I have seen wars (seen all wars except 2006 war which I missed due to a bad luck in reservation). I have seen dead bodies burnt, twisted beyond recognition. I have seen infants turned into a ball of fire due to napalm bomb. I have seen so many things and it was all very very painful. Yet, I know that pain is a fact of life. Death is a fact of life. How do we die is another thing though. I have seen men crying (can you imagine seeing your father crying for the first time in your life when you were just a kid and your father is your hero and the strongest person in the world?? now that was painful). I have seen all kind of deep pain but life went on and I went on and life does not stop even if we do. Life has to go on, this is natural and do not try to defy the natural because you won't change what is a fact of life rather you yourself have to change to adapt to those facts of life.

I know what you mean very well as i have witnessed the same as you have and seen wars and burnt bodies and killings and lots of hatred in human's heart ..how did that reflect on me well really badly but taught me no matter how deep the pain is in our lives we should carry on ,but i guess made me stronger and stronger and never give up on whatever hard obstacles i encounter just try to defeat them as life carries on..life is hard with lots of pain but we should always defeat it and adapt with it..

[coralie]

i recieved this mail long time ago and recieved it again yesterday
at least this man did nt say I DID LOVE !


It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80s arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On examining it I saw it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors and got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while! As she is a victim of Alzheimer's disease.
As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'
He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me but I still know who she is.' I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm and thought,
'That is the kind of love I want in my life. True love is neither physical nor romantic'.
True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
Peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

[LebanonNation]

I am in love ... But I dont know what is love...I am just afraid that one day I will say: I did love....Maybe I am possessive (as she says to me)