[tattwa]

Don't praise yourself directly or indirectly
We are not only talking about the more blatant forms of self-praise. Self-praise can take many subtle forms. Even showing humility can be a form of self-praise. Casually referring to your impressive qualifications or achievements is an obvious form of self-praise. Many of the less subtle forms of self-praise are "by the way" statements. E.g. "I agree. There is nothing like Spring. Last year during my scientific expedition in the Antarctic I missed Spring so much." The ego craves praise and admiration. Making yourself interesting is one way of achieving this. The trouble about self-praise is that you get so used to it that you often do not even notice that you are praising yourself.

Don't try to be the center of attention
There are many ways to do this, some of them very irritating. You have probably met those individuals who always talk too loudly, really enjoying the sound of their own voices. You can also draw attention to yourself by making some profound statement which draws everybody's attention to you. Or you can be witty and funny to draw attention to yourself. Many comedians tend to have tremendous egos. This does not mean that you should not be funny. The ability to entertain is a tremendous gift. The motive, though, is what really matters.

Don't talk too much
Talking too much is often a way of attracting attention. It is often the product of too much ego.

Don't show off your good deeds
There is nothing worse than people who proudly display what they perceive as their humility and charity. A good deed is at its best if it is done in anonymity. Humility that is aware of itself is the worst form of pride.

Don't demonstrate your "superior" knowledge
If you happen to be an expert among laymen, do not bask in your superior knowledge, and do not make your companions feel inferior. Demonstrating your superiority is a demonstration of inferiority.

Don't fish for compliments
This ancient form is still in regular use, and it seldom produces genuine expressions of admiration. Subtly underselling yourself is mostly not a form of humility, but a way of implying your own superiority. What you mostly get for your efforts is not real praise, but flattery, and nothing is more false than that.

Don't belittle others to appear "bigger" yourself
This technique is not only popular among the more naive, but also among intellectuals, who use the excuse of freedom of speech and the virtue of critical thinking to tear their opponents apart. It is a sophisticated form of barbarism.

Don't feel smug about your insights
This happens quite easily. You feel superior towards someone who genuinely lacks insight, perhaps even intelligence. I have experienced people who come to me with their own religious "certainties", looking down on me while looking up at heaven. There is nothing worse than the pride of the humble. I sometimes catch myself exhibiting symptoms of this form of pride. The longer you have been preoccupied with "spiritual truths" and the more "insights" you come to, the more vulnerable you become to this particular mental disorder. Trace it before it harms you. Get rid of it as quickly as possible.

Don't nurture feelings or thoughts of superiority
Thoughts can have a tremendous influence on attitude. So avoid those daydreams where you enjoy victories over rivals, or where you demonstrate your superiority. Thoughts of superiority give you a swollen head, which is a symptom of inferiority.

Don't drop names
People whose feelings of self-worth depend on how close they have been to famous or successful people, or how well they know them, are total victims of illusion. If you have the urgent need to drop names, you are still in the crudest stage of existence. You want to inflate your obese ego with the status of others.

Don't frequent places inflating your ego
You know, that restaurant where "the rich and the famous" go. Many people want to be seen there, and are willing to pay exorbitant prices to do so. Often they do so because they want to feel exclusive, that is superior and elitist. Some would kill for that invitation to the governor's ball. Oh, if one could only be seen with the "high and the mighty", or at least the famous or the shamelessly rich. My advice? Avoid these places like the plague, for they are contagious.

Don't keep company with people who flatter you
Avoid people who flatter you. You have probably met them. It is often not what they say, but the way they look at you. People who flatter have their own selfish agendas. People who are vulnerable to flattery get what they deserve.

Don't show off possessions
It is terrible how some people will buy beautiful things not so much because they find them beautiful, but because they want to make an impression. They want that specific model of car, even though they really do not need it, and a far more modest model would have fulfilled their needs. People would decorate their houses - even their bedrooms - to impress strangers. If you depend on what other people think of you, you are controlled by them. You become a captive among your own beautiful possessions.

Don't use your religion or "wisdom" to impress others
You have probably met some of these people. If you are not careful, you may easily become a perpetrator yourself. There are many subtle ways in which you can become guilty of impressing others with your "wisdom". The image of being a wise man has turned many a wise man into a vain fool. You have probably also met those people who walk with their religion continuously on display. It is not that they are necessarily insincere. It is just that they, somehow, tend to reach the opposite of what they would like to. Demonstrative religion has a way of frightening away sincere sinners.

Don't use your good looks to impress
Very attractive people have difficulty not developing oversized egos. You cannot even blame them if they become victims of their own good looks. They live in a world hypnotized by surface appearance. If you are a very attractive person, you need a lot of wisdom to be able to recognize that most of the attention you get does not touch your true self. True beauty is invisible and unaware of its own beauty.

Don't lie to impress others
A lot of this is going on. Not lying means telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. If you take this as your criteria, you will find that there is a great deal of lying going on to impress people. It does not have to be blatant lying, even though that also happens quite a lot. Leaving out unflattering details is a way of lying to impress. Adding or exaggerating here and there also helps to create a better impression. Have you never done this? Don't lie to impress me. I won't throw a stone at you; I am in a glasshouse myself.

Don't gossip
When you gossip, you break all the rules of compassion and wisdom. Be particularly wary of conversations starting with "I don't want to gossip, but ..." Gossip has many guises. Its most hypocritical camouflage is to present itself in a concerned, compassionate guise. "I am really so worried about her ... If I only knew how I could help her ..." Another guise is to feign moral indignation. Moralists are often the worst gossip mongers.
Don't even listen to gossip. Listening is participation. Silence is consent. Take a stand against gossip. Protest if it is necessary. Walk away from it. Defend the persons being gossiped against. There is no such thing as neutrality in this situation. It is the high noon of social confrontation.
No matter what your pretense may be when you participate either actively or passively in gossip, the truth is simple: you are inflating your own ego at the cost of others. You are running other people down so that you can feel better about yourself and your own existence. Running other people down is running yourself down. In a big way.

Don't be too busy
There is a superstition in industrialized society that
Being very BUSY = Being very IMPORTANT.
There is nothing wrong with having an important function. It is a good feeling, as long as you do not use it in a comparative way. The moment you start comparing yourself with others, you are trying to put yourself on a pedestal, and you will be living a life of constant stress and dissatisfaction. You are in fact inflating your ego.
The appearance of not having enough time is seen as an outward sign of success in business districts. In reality, it is often a sign of spiritual bankruptcy.
Being too busy is often an escapist form of cowardice. It is the fear and unwillingness to tackle the things that really matter. Like your deteriorating relationships. Or your own desperation and regular fits of depression.
Living in perpetual stress leads to distress. A life devoted to the ego turns everything you do into an exercise in futility. No amount of success will make a life devoted to the ego meaningful.
There is only one way out of this. Change your priorities. Deflate your ego. Treat yourself to enough time.

Do's

Be compassionate
There is only one great Do. It is to be compassionate.
All the Don't's mentioned will become irrelevant if you live in true compassion.
Remember: Compassion is not a cheap feeling. It is a commitment to be constructive and to care for others. You can help others, whether you feel like it or not. If you allow your feelings to run you, you will end up helping only yourself.
Ignore the ego. There is nothing more devastating to the ego than to be ignored. It pines, fades and finally loses its influence.

Accept emptiness
The ego is part of the illusion of a permanent core in the human being. It is only when you accept that apart from the various aggregates functioning interdependently in you, you are basically "empty", that you can truly conquer the ego.
The moment you have stripped yourself of your "false self" or your ego, only emptiness remains. You come face to face with reality, your "true self", which is in fact complete emptiness, where no "self" exists. This is enlightenment. It is when you realize on a spiritual level that you are completely empty, that "self" does not exist, and that you are an indivisible part of the emptiness around you, of the totality of things.
Once you are in contact with your true self or emptiness, you will live in harmony with the Tao. You will have conquered fear, for if you are empty, you have nothing to lose. You will be compassionate. You will be liberated.

Pay the price
There is no denying it. Enlightenment has its price. Getting rid of the ego mostly means also sacrificing your status in a world which is taken in by the superficial. If you reduce your ego in a society which is serving the ego, you will become invisible:
The humble man close to Tao
becomes less every day.
When he has lost himself completely,
only his true self remains.

Curb your desires
To eliminate the ego is also to curb your desires:
There is no other way but the way of detachment. Unless you can free yourself from your materialism and the consumerism of a society preoccupied with materialistic aims, as well as your longing for status and recognition, you will never be able to come into harmony with the Tao.
Be moderate and humble
The natural way is one of moderation and humility, which is only possible if you accept that your ego is illusionary. It is the wisdom to know that you are wasting your precious time if you work for something that is illusionary. It is the only way you will find peace.

Be silent when you have nothing to say
"Nothing" in this context includes talking nonsense just because you want to be heard. Don't feel yourself obliged to maintain conversation, not even when you are a host. The worst form of "nothing" you can speak is of the damaging kind. Listen more than you speak. It not only turns you into pleasant company, but it also gives you time to listen to your own thoughts before you give them air. More important still, it gives you time to really listen to other people. Really listening to other people gives you the opportunity to be supportive and constructive.

Meditate regularly
Find a form of meditation that suits your needs, time restraints and temperament. Correct forms of meditation have a way of preparing you for life out there and revitalizing your spirit. They bring you closer to your true self and they reduce your ego.

Spend time with uplifting company
The ideal is to have honest, compassionate friends who will support you in need, and will not hesitate to tell you when you are wrong, or getting too fatheaded. There is nothing like truth to cut you down to size. Like most spiritual growth, it can be painful. Cherish these friends if you should find them. There are not too many of them around. Another group that could be of benefit to you are people who share your convictions, commitments and beliefs. But be careful: groups may have a potential to be helpful, but they also have the tendency to be destructive. Be part of them, but remain independent of the group mind.

Utilize victory and defeat for spiritual growth
Failure is an opportunity. If you blame someone else, there is no end to the blame. Therefore the Master fulfills her own obligations and corrects her own mistakes. She does what she needs to do and demands nothing of others.
Regular portions of humble pie are good for the spirit. This, however, depends on how you digest moments of defeat. If defeat is synonymous with humiliation to you, your ego is running your life. If you blame others for your failure, you are hiding behind your own ego. See failure as the opportunity to learn. With learning, I don't mean learning the wrong lessons, but the right ones. The right lessons will always involve determining where you have failed in being compassionate, why you have too much ego, and finally how to deflate your bloated self-image. Failure and defeat, more than any other experience, serve as opportunities to measure your spiritual development.
Victory and success can be infinitely more dangerous than defeat, for they tend to intoxicate and inflate the ego. How you deal with success is therefore also crucial to your spiritual development. Success should not lead to arrogance, but to humility. Not the false kind of demonstrative humility underlining superiority. Real humility, where you realize that you are as transient and empty as your less successful peers.
Defeat and failure provide you with the opportunity to increase your empathy, like all suffering does. Victory and success tend to decrease compassion in you, and they are therefore far more dangerous in their potential to corrupt.
Sometimes, compassion will demand from you that you eat humble pie. It could be that you have to stand back to allow someone else to take the glory, or to develop and learn. Good mothers do that every day. Or sometimes you have to endure humiliation for the sake of your beloved. How many fathers and mothers do not have to swallow their pride when they are treated unfairly, so that they can keep that job and feed their children? Compassion has a way of turning what others see as defeat into victory for you. This victory of compassion is often silent and only you would know about it. Self-sacrifice for the sake of others often has a bitter taste, but it is true victory, for it is the hidden victory of the spirit over the ego.

Be committed
Reducing the ego is not easy. You will suffer many setbacks. You often have to overcome cultural conditioning and education. You may come into situations or come into conflict with people that bring out the worst in you. In our society which runs on greed, you have to overcome a barrage of negative stimuli incessantly encouraging you to inflate your ego. The trouble is that the ego can become so much part of you that it becomes invisible to you and feels like a "natural" part of you. The worst thing that can happen to you is to accept it as a "natural" part of you, for then it will control your actions. The ego is a tricky customer, for it manipulates you in all kinds of innocent guises. Just don't let anyone persuade you that the ego is anything else but the ego. Or that it is vital. The activities for which an ego is essential are those activities you should avoid. No matter how many setbacks you suffer, stay stubbornly opposed to it. Stay committed to getting rid of it. Don't give up. Commitment is everything.